I guess you could call this complaining. I'm sure it's easy to see the title of this article and go, "Ugh, haven't we heard enough negativity?" Yes, we absolutely have. But I believe that the only way to heal from the true trauma of this last year and a half (COVID-19 pandemic, systemic racism, violence, prejudice, political greed, etc.) is to look down the barrel of the gun and see what got us to this point. We must consistently face the music in order to be better than we were yesterday. This is just my perspective. This is just my opinion. I can't speak for everyone, but I can do my best to speak to everyone experiencing March 2021. (And I've been holding these words in since about March of LAST year, so bear with me.)

I am just so tired.

I'm tired of being sick.

I'm sick of being tired.

I'm done with burying my family members and loved ones. I'm sick of watching the death toll on ticker tape like we're checking the damn stock market. I'm tired of being in quarantine after quarantine and having little to no social catharsis for being inside my own head all the time. I'm tired of being unable to do the things I rely heavily on for general sanity like performing and hugging. I'm done with receiving illnesses and diagnoses like Christmas presents because my immune system can't keep up with all the physical and emotional "ick".

I'm sick of being worried if my boyfriend will come home today because his skin is dark and many people in my state are conditioned to look at him as less-than. It makes me sick hearing about my friends from my days living overseas living through inhumane, senseless tragedy in their home countries. It makes me physically sick hearing stories nearly every day of people I know personally being harassed, abused, neglected, and assaulted based on a single, unchangeable part of their being, and sometimes, JUST their appearance.

I'm tired of hearing that "God wants to heal my depression!" (no he doesn't, I've had it since I was 12) and that "my increase in nightmares is just the Devil trying to get in there!" (no it's not, dreams are the brain's way of processing information given throughout the day and the info to ALL our brains has been increasingly scary over the last year.) I'm sick of churchgoers manipulating such precious Scripture to justify their own prejudices and bigotry to the point of being complicit in violence. If that's "just how you were raised" or it's "just your heritage" or "just your conviction", I'm sorry to tell you but your raising, heritage and convictions are all crappy. There's a big reason why retail and service industry workers everywhere HATE Sundays.

I'm done with having to wonder who to trust. Who will be really be there for me when things are leveled to ground zero for me? Who will support me through differences and even conflict? If I keep losing as many friends as I've lost this year, I won't have a need for the Contacts app. Finally speaking your honest truth will often land you in hot water with people you thought were steadfast.

So, I guess the first step I should take is asking myself, "Well, what am I gonna do about it?"

I can wish all day long that I was superhero mediator of the world and could overstep all our problems in a single bound. (That's such a silly wish for yourself, truth be told. Don't wish it. That kind of pressure would suck.) But as much as I want to be the cure-all, I am flawed, futile, and highly unqualified. So, I will choose to live my life in a way that levels the playing field. I will exist in such a fashion that I can both educate and be educated by folks of all creeds and colors. I will honor my God in the best way I know how. I will honor myself in taking care of my body and mind, even when it doesn't come naturally as an athlete to do so. I will honor my loved ones by telling their stories and keep their memory close. I will honor those I see suffering by listening to them and asking what I can do to help.

I won't be perfect at any of these first steps. This pledge to stop passively being sick and tired will have to come with practice and knowledge gained over time. But I can promise to put my best foot forward and keep extending compassionate love in the many, beautiful ways one can do so. I'm aware of how hippy-dippy this sounds. But I don't think some free-thinking sentiment is really going to hurt our current situation.

If you're as fed up as me, please join me in this resolve.

Let's turn sick and tired into...well...less sick and less tired. I'll take that any day.