As the start of a new DECADE is less than twenty-four hours away, I'd say it's rather appropriate to reflect on all of the lessons and experiences -- good or bad -- that 2019 has challenged us with. There are those fair share of individuals who enthusiastically and proudly declare that 2019 was the best year of their lives; and if you fall within that cohort, I can truly say with the most genuine essence of my being that I am truly happy for you. I say this because 2019 was undoubtedly one of the most confusing, emotionally-traumatizing, heartbreaking, and challenging years of my life. This past year, I've lost touch with who I am as a person throughout all of these experiences. I found myself constantly digging deeper and deeper into a hole full of uncertainty, doubt, self-loathe, and feeling not good enough. But the beauty in all of this is, sometimes it's essential to lose yourself, to lose sight of your intended path, and to fight for something just to discover that it wasn't meant to be yours. You must shed this version of your being to evolve into the person you are meant to become. That is the road to self-discovery, and these are the lessons I am carrying into this new year.
1. Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
This past year, I have given myself away with words and actions for other people so many times that I had forgotten that I, myself, am something to be earned. Sometimes, we build homes in people when we're supposed to build it in ourselves, and we cry when they leave because we're left homeless. Sometimes, people don't break our hearts. Sometimes we're the culprit. So do yourself a favor and when someone treats you like an option, help them narrow their choices by removing yourself from the equation.
2. Don't go thinking that a love that left is a love that shouldn't have been felt.
Healing begins the moment you begin to accept the hurt. Don't forget; somewhere between hello and goodbye, there was love. There was so much love. I'm starting to realize that not everything in life is meant to be a beautiful story. Not every person we feel something deep with is meant to make a home within us or is meant to be forever. Sometimes, people come into our lives to teach us how to love; and sometimes, people come into our lives to teach us how NOT to love. How NOT to settle, how NOT to shrink ourselves ever again. Yes, sometimes people leave -- but that's okay, because their lessons always stay, and that is what matters.
3.If you don't get it off your chest, you'll never be able to breathe. So let it go.
Listen, you weren't wrong for loving hard and giving them chance after chance. You are a soul full of light and happiness ,but they couldn't see it and couldn't keep their promises and that's not your fault. You will never be wrong for loving hard. Always remember that the ones who walked out of your life are the ones who are at a loss, not you. I know you may be thinking it's the wrong time. The truth is ... I don't know what the appropriate response is to that. Perhaps, God took them away, because they weren't good enough for you. Sometimes, God has to take them away to make them realize your value. And if they really come to terms with that, then God will reshape them into the person you're made to be loved by. But if they don't, then God will open doors to bigger and better blessings. But you will never know either outcome unless you let go. Life is too short to be waiting for salt to someday taste like sugar. I know it hurts, but I promise you this: you will breathe again, and it will be more deeply than you ever have before.
4. Love yourself first
After many years of hearing this simple and cliche mantra, it is the biggest lesson I have learned thus far. If you're a people pleaser like myself, it's a very fine line between someone appreciating you and taking advantage of you. However, we tend to overlook these red flags because of our optimistic attitude until it's too late and you're left wondering "How the hell did I get myself in this situation again?". For this reason, don't rush into anything this upcoming year. Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so so so much but is still standing. The more you love yourself, the less bull**** you'll tolerate.
Be patient because you will get everything that you deserve. There is still so much happiness left to find and so much love to be felt. The bedroom you shed tears in will be the same place that you will laugh in again. Growth means choosing happiness over history and never looking back. You're not starting over, you're starting from experience. So to everything I've ever lost, thank you for setting me free.
2019: Lessons
2020: Blessings
Let's do this.
