Most people start off their New Year with resolutions and empty promises to fix themselves and their lifestyles. As for me, I started off 2018 in my small apartment in New York City with my family and no high expectations for the upcoming year. It's not that I'm a narcissist, I just enjoy going with the flow of whatever happens.
I find that trying to force myself to stick to my resolutions makes me feel as if I'm trapped in a box. With this being said, 2018 has left me a completely different person. It has been an emotional rollercoaster and a period of mentally healing myself. It has taught me many lessons and gave me more blessings.
Now that the year is finally over, I'm recounting the months and why 2018 was the best and worst year of my life. (P.S, any names used in this article are NOT real, and are used simply to make reading this article easier.)
January: You taught me what it was like to be bold.
February: You taught me the art of rising above it all.
March: You taught me the art of new beginnings.
April: You taught me that feelings are fluid.
May: You taught me that patience is key.
Ah, yes. May. College decision day, anticipating graduation, and what prom dress I should be wearing. It was a month of decisions. I had decided to go to Syracuse University back in December, so May 1st was just me showing it off like there was no tomorrow.
The second issue that I had on my mind that month: my first kiss with Max. I was a nervous little girl, and every time he even attempted to plant one on me, I would run like mad in the other direction. Honestly, I'm surprised he didn't stop talking to me after the first date, where I strategically curved him three times.
Lastly: prom. When I tell you making a decision about my prom dress was harder than my college decision, I am not joking. I must have gone to about five hundred different stores. Nonetheless, I learned that everything comes in moderation, and patience is a virtue.
June (Part 1): You taught me a failure.
I decided to divide June into two parts because this month, I experienced the most growth, and to lightly put it, was the worst and best month of my entire life. I learned two very big lessons, and the first is a failure. As a senior in high school, I slacked off more than you could imagine.
I cut my first-period class every single day and thought it wouldn't affect me until I got an email from my teacher saying I was failing the class and thus, could not graduate. When I tell you I have never cried harder out of fear and anxiety, I mean it. However, my mother came to my rescue, stomped down to my high school, and demanded I graduate.
Okay, maybe not that privileged. But, after I wrote three essays and did all my extra credit work, she got me to graduation with a blue cap and gown and I am forever grateful. I learned that in the face of failure, life will work out (or, your superhero mom will).
June (Part 2): You taught me what a fairytale love story was.
Girls, if you get emotional easily, get your tissues out. This part of the story is a tear-jerker. This month, amongst the failure and tears and neverending lectures, stood Max. I know I've talked about him in other platforms, such as my other articles or just in general to friends and peers. However, in June, I experienced love for the first time.
He was the light at the end of the darkness. When I was grounded and with no phone to text my friends or him, he would e-mail me and say he missed me. For a while, we lived in our bubble. He would sneak into my house while I was grounded, and I would secretly call him on my house phone at night.
We got caught more than a few times (once, where I had to shove him in my closet) but my mom could tell I really loved him, so she would let me sit on the home phone with him as long as Dad didn't find out. Once I was finally off house arrest, I introduced him to my family, and needless to say, they loved him.
He would come over to my house just to say hello to my mom, and once even spent the night with my family decorating my graduation cap and eating dinner with them. That was the night I realized I wanted a legit future with him. Call me crazy, call me obsessed, I don't mind.
For that period of time, I genuinely thought I had found "it", "the one," however you want to say it. If we fought, we would never go to sleep angry at each other. If we were hungry, he would let me choose the spot. And if I dreamed, he'd listen. By the end of June, you might as well have put a ring on my left hand. I wanted forever with him. This month, I learned what the utmost happiness was. I learned what it was like to love another human.
July: You taught me that not everything can stay golden forever.
Someone definitely popped that bubble I was stuck in during June. Fights popped up left and right with most people I had in my life. I was just very unhappy with myself and found that self-love was a journey I wasn't even sure I was mentally ready to start.
As for my relationship, we struggled to make it to our three month anniversary, especially with the idea of college and a long distance relationship looming above us. However, we did, and we made the best of it. My relationship with my parents deteriorated as I was itching to leave for college.
I didn't talk to a lot of my friends just because I was so consumed with having a boyfriend. A lot of things with my mindset just changed, and I realized that life can't always be rainbows and unicorns.
August: You taught me the art of saying goodbye.
For any new freshman in college, August is a month of goodbyes and fresh starts. I learned how to say goodbye to some of the most important people in my life and cherish our memories no matter how far apart we'll be. This month, I broke up with Max. I was frightened about doing it, about having to say "we're done" out loud, but I knew in my heart that if I wanted him to be happy in college, I had to leave.
It wasn't that I was a bad girlfriend, it's that we would make each other miserable being 6 hours away from each other. There was no point in dragging it out any longer, it just had to happen. It was bittersweet. Before I went away, I said goodbye to him. We shared a hug, I gave him the last of my letters, I returned everything he had given me during our relationship, and then I got in the car and sped off.
That was the last time I ever saw him. As for my best friends Lilya and Simran, they were the hardest to say goodbye to. However, I knew I would see them once again, so we shared the last words and laughed but knew it wasn't the end. I also bid farewell to my parents and little brother, who I can say that I actually ended up missing more than I expected.
In August, I learned what goodbyes really meant, and that sometimes being apart from someone can teach you how much you need them or how much you have peace without them.
September: You taught me how to foster new relationships.
September marked the beginning of my new journey as a freshman in college. I met my new best friend, Sharon, and met many different people who I can only hope to stay in my life for a long time. Once I learned how to be single, I was able to create new relationships with the people around me.
I had the most fun during the wild nights where I would be with my friends, running around our college town and making memories I'll never forget. I learned the art of hooking up with someone, and whatever the hell went along with that. Oh, and also honorable mention: my boob fell out of my shirt at an A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie concert. I thrived.
October: You taught me how to grow.
October was my birthday month and also the month where I learned just how important self-love was. I had felt powerless, worthless, and just flat out unwanted for a while. Regardless, I wanted to grow from my past experiences, I didn't want to be the same girl I was in high school.
So, I took matters into my own hands and started little by little learning how to make myself beautiful, inside and out, once more. It was an uneventful month besides my birthday weekend but ended nicely with Halloweekend, where I surprised my hometown best friend at her college and was reminded how lucky I am to have someone who understands me as no other human can. I learned how to become a better me, for me and for others.
