The second semester of my “freshmore” year of college begun this wondrous year. I was in the transition period of skipping a year of college by overloading this semester and taking harder classes. This semester was tough, especially because I hadn’t even had a full year of college yet and I was making big decisions for myself. I was so scared, and I felt like I didn’t belong where I was.
I have always been invested in the concept of belonging and place. I thought that I needed to have certain things done and figured out by this time, but I was clueless. I felt more relieved eventually with the help of all of my friends, and this was extremely helpful, because, by the time I went through formal spring recruitment, I was ready to be open and honest as I found the organization I would eventually call home.
I had my epiphany by the middle of the school year. I was not truly doing things because I wanted to do them in my life. I wasn’t living for me, I was living for the expectation of what I was to become. I had built this life plan and abided by it as if it were law, but that semester, I broke out of that life plan and it was marvelous.
Don’t get me wrong, all the actions that I did were done in order to have the best outcomes of my life, but trying to shove all of these expectations I had for myself in one semester was killing my emotional health.
I took that plan and stretched it out a lot farther than it was before, and it's so much better now. I still aim to succeed and accomplish many things on that list, but I think it’s a better idea to accomplish those goals in three years instead of three semesters.
The summer and the beginning of the semester of my junior year brought me back into that feeling of being lost. I struggled with balancing my life and not knowing what to do made it worse.
My sense of belonging was lost again, not due to those who love me, but because I was so scared of getting lost in my mind again and trying to discover where I am. However, what I have finally have been able to recognize my reality and where I am was not due to myself forcing my mind to do something.
No, it was when my family moved out of my childhood home. My idea of “home” was shattered and my ideas of place through me down into a hole. Thankfully, my parents were there to pull me out.
That phrase “home is where the heart is” is very true, and this moment in my life showed me how much I love all of my friends and family. They care so much for me, and I know that even though life changes a lot throughout the course of a year, I can always depend on them.
Thank you so much to my family and to the “guys”; A-1, Torry, Liv, Kira, Megan, Josh, Trin, Ally, Joci, Ashley, Becca and so many more. You all do so much more than just hang out with me.
You all support me, and I know that I can be anything I want to be, and achieve all I want to achieve, with your support. And thank you, Reader. Thank you for supporting my work and I hope you continue to read my writing and support my work. I love you all and Happy New Year.
Sincerely,
Me
