Have you ever felt like a certain year wasn't your best? Like this year was just too much? That's how I feel about 2016. This year was not a friend of mine's. I took so many L's this year, you would have thought I was the Chicago Cubs before the World Series Win...will my World Series title come?
Like many, I had dreams for this year. I was going to join the organization of my dreams, grades were going to keep up the momentum, be more involved in stuff, and have fun! My grades in the fall of 2015 were outstanding and I was getting ready to celebrate my 20th Birthday in January, so I viewed 2016 as another excellent year in the books. As soon as the year was started, the more it became a real disaster.
After I turned 20, it felt like all my dreams were crushing down. I had aspirations to join a sorority on my campus, but I got in the way of myself. It was like I was so close, but I missed it by so much. My heart was broken. I cried like three days straight because I couldn't believe that my lifelong dream was slipped through my fingers. Then my grades for Spring 2016 were less than stellar from Fall 2015, which didn't help my feelings of failure.
My summer was literal hell. I couldn't find good jobs that relate to my major to have experience during the summer, so it was blur of laying down and listening to the constant nagging from my parents. The annoyance of listening to family friends asking me about Greek Life, just tore me apart.
This semester in the fall was a big disappointment. I didn't felt happy. I was always stressed out from school and crying hard because I didn't understand why. Why am I not being how I always am? I could knock out so much on my plate before, but I couldn't get it together in the now. Seeing my grades just now, I felt a lump in my throat. I have FAILED. Failed to deliver an outstanding host of grades to combat the mediocrity of last spring. Felt like I failed my family and my boyfriend. Yo, I felt like I FAILED myself. I was putting so much pressure on myself to be great because I had to keep up with so much and it's just the perfectionist in me. My dreams were being crushed and I couldn't prepare myself for the pain. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say. Losing my granny and seeing my loved ones being hurt, I just wanted to walk away from it all. This is what this year did for me.
The only good things that happened to me was protesting in behalf of BLACK LIVES MATTER in my hometown, going camping for the first time, being out of my comfort zone to do extrodinary things, and getting together with my boyfriend, Jorell. His (along with family and friends) loving support were my saving grace to survive this year. I am drained of 2016...I want it to be a blur.
Hopefully, 2017 will provide me the good, positive energy I need. I have the optmisim that next year will be my year. My dreams will be my reality...as long as I keep my postives in my corner.
