As 2016 comes nearing to an end, I've taken the time to sit back and reflect on the year I've had. It's so crazy to me how so much can change and happen within a year's time, and yet it doesn't feel like any time has passed at all. At every new year, I always think to myself, "I wonder what I will be doing a year from now". This New Years, I will probably either spend it with my family or a few friends. Last New Years, I was as happy as I could be, surrounded by my friends and friends of friends. I was also arm in arm with my boyfriend at the time who I had at that point been dating for a year and who I thought I would be spending this New Years with as well. Little did I know that by the end of 2016, people who I thought would be in my life for years to come would be nowhere to be seen.
I did not realize it at the time, but 2015 was a very good year for me and during that year, I was one of the happiest I've ever been. A few days into the year, I met an amazing guy who I very quickly fell in love with and who was just as crazy about me. We were inseparable. I thought I had been in love before, but it was nothing compared to how I felt about him. He was my go-to, my biggest supporter, and my best friend. Over the course of the year, we grew closer and did almost everything together. He talked about how once he was finished with college, he wanted to propose and start a future with me.
Throughout 2015, it seemed like I was hanging out with friends every weekend. All of my close friends had boyfriends, and we would all hang out as a group of us, with our significant others included. Not only would we hang out with my group of friends, but we would hang out with my boyfriend's group of friends as well. There was always something going on and people to go out with. There was never really a dull moment, and if there was, I could always find something to do, with either my friends or my boyfriend.
So on New Year's Eve, ringing in 2016, it was no surprise that my boyfriend and I spent the night surrounded by friends and people at my friend's party. I wish I could go back and relive that night, because fun, crazy nights like those were not so frequent in 2016. A few months into the year, my boyfriend moved back home, and we were unable to see each other as frequently as we had been. It was only about a 30-minute drive without traffic, but between the distance and both of our work and school schedules, our time together was limited.
In late April, I was in a car accident, and my car was totaled. Thankfully I was wearing a seat belt and my only injuries were a few bruises and a case of whiplash, but the psychological impact it had on me was tough. From that point on, I don't think I was the same again. I was without a car for months, but when I was in a car, I was terrified of another accident. The anxiety I had while driving was almost unbearable. I would go weeks without seeing my friends or my boyfriend. My relationship with him faded, and we slowly drifted apart. In August, he broke up with me over text without allowing us to talk about it or even meet in person for closure.
Although at that point I had finally gotten a new car and was driving again, I wasn't able to appreciate it or any of the other great things happening in my life. I had become more involved with my sorority. taken another Little, made new friends, and had started classes I was really excited about taking. I had so much going on, and yet I was just walking through like a zombie. I didn't want to go out anymore or do anything. I felt emotionless and empty.
About two months later, my ex was already dating someone new, and my world finally crumbled. I was no longer a zombie. I was now an emotional wreck who cried the majority of the day. I couldn't believe that someone who was once my best friend and most important person in my life could leave me and move on so fast as if I had meant nothing to him at all. How could he do that to me? I felt absolutely devastated and worthless. I was so depressed and I absolutely hated myself.
I believe time heals everything. It's been about two months since then, and although I'm still hurt, I'm slowly recovering. I've come to realize that I have so much in my life that I should enjoy and to not worry about other people. The time I spent with my ex was great, but I had gotten so wrapped up in him that I forgot there was more to life than being with him. I didn't need him to have fun or to be happy. I can do that on my own. The friends I had while I was with him are still my friends and won't leave me like he did.
Although this year hasn't been the happiest or most fun or exciting, it's taught me a lot. I've learned to not take anything for granted. I've learned that things can change within a blink of an eye. I've learned that you shouldn't depend on anyone but yourself. You should be your own best friend and your own source of happiness. You do not need anyone to make you happy. I'm not going to lie, the past several months of being alone and single have been hard, especially since all of my friends are in relationships. However, it's given me time to myself, and I've learned more about myself this year than I have in a while. This year has proven to me that I can overcome things I didn't think I could.
I'm so ready to kiss 2016 goodbye, and I can't wait to see what all the next year has in store for me. 2017 better watch out, because it's a new year, new me, and I'm ready to start living again.
