Unless you live under a rock or absolutely detest sports, you probably watched the Super Bowl this weekend. For those of you who got up to top of your guac or refresh your beverages and managed to miss the halftime show, here's pretty much what you missed (well, at least in my opinion):

1. "Didn't Beyoncé and Bruno Mars perform in the Super Bowl within the past five years?"

Have they run out of people to perform?

2. "That jacket, though."

I can't tell if it's psychedelic or child-like.

4. "Are the kids actually playing the instruments?"

Because they seem way too into it to be focusing on the notes.

5. "Does Coldplay have any songs that actually pump people up?"

Because I'm not hearing any.

6. "OK let's cut to Beyoncé already."

7. "Chris Martin takes off his jacket and yet his outfit is still just as weird as it was in the beginning."

I was hoping it would get better, but unfortunately, I was left disappointed.

8. "The stage is the most interesting aspect of this performance."

At this point, I'd rather just watch the lights than listen to the music.

9. "The flower-dancers are very enthusiastic."

10. "They still don't beat the shark-dancers last year."

11. "BRUNO MARS!"

That is exactly what I looked like when he came on stage.

12. "Do they purposely hire short background dancers for Bruno Mars so he still looks like a normal height?"

You have to admit, they did all seem to be of below-average height.

13. "Bruno Mars' gyrating hips out-gyrate Beyoncé's."

14. "Wait... never mind."

15. "This Bruno Mars/Beyoncé sing-off is more intense than this game is right now."

C'mon, you know I'm right.

16. "Why did they put Beyoncé in heels next to Bruno Mars?"

17. "THAT CAMERA SLAP THOUGH!"

All hail Queen-B!

18. "This flashback thing is pretty awesome...but where's the infamous Janet Jackson nip-slip?"

The NFL is still trying to live that one down.

19. "And in the end, that's what it's all about... believing in love."

Even if the performance seemed to have nothing to do with believing in love.

20. "Was this show Coldplay ft. Bruno Mars and Beyonce or was it Beyonce ft. peasants?"

I said it once and I'll say it again... ALL HAIL QUEEN-B!