As a self-proclaimed lazy girl, I need to clarify something: it's not that I don't have the time to go to the gym, I don't have the want to. And one of the biggest struggles of the typical lazy girl is making the grueling, treacherous journey to the local gym. Quite honestly, my laziness has made me question why I even spend money to be a gym member. Because being a "gym member" implies that one actually visits the place on a regular basis. However, my gym is fairly close to a Dunkin' Donuts. So, when I do decide to start my day off with some light (and I do mean light) exercise and a sugary-sweet caramel iced coffee, a few key thoughts tend to just pop into my head. So, for all of my fellow lazy girls out there, here are 20 lackadaisical thoughts that every lazy lady has on her way to the gym:
1. Oh no, it's looks like it's about to pour. I better not go to the gym today.
Do you see that cloud? It's bound to turn gray ANY MINUTE NOW. And did you hear about sinkholes? They can literally be anywhere. I just can't risk it.
2. Fine, I'll go. What can I wear that will attract the least amount of attention as humanly possible?
See, it's a common misconception that lazy girls wear sweatpants because they're, well, lazy. In actuality, it's really to achieve an optical illusion that prevents any man, woman, or child from taking acute notice to our appearance. This is especially effective at a gym. Flashy gym clothes = a greater chance that I may catch someone's gaze and have to exercise properly. #science
3. Wow, I must look so fit and health-conscious driving to a GYM.
Yeah, that's right. I'm driving to an EXERCISE CENTER to BETTER MYSELF. I'm trying to live a HEALTHY LIFESTYLE.
4. Am I the ONLY one that uses the mirror to actually stretch in the stretching corner?
I mean, it clearly says "stretching" on the wall. If i made the effort to trek to this gym, I'd like to be able to sit down and stretch my fragile little muscles in peace without a couple of 16-year-old girls taking selfies next to me on #FitnessFriday.
5. Now for some cardio! So, what machine can I run on that's farthest away from the rest of civilization?
Like any true lazy girl, trying to socialize at the gym is just as tiring as the actual exercise. In fact, I rather run a 5K than run on an empty treadmill that's in-between two people. So, when it comes time for me to pick a machine, you'll find my lazy self off in East Jabip.
6. If I leave now, the two grandmas next to me are definitely going to judge me.
Anyone who has ever gone to any gym at any time of day before 3 p.m. knows what I'm talking about. There is always that cute twosome of little old ladies that are there for a good, old-fashioned gossip session while trying to get their work out on. And you justknow that they're secretly eyeing up the competition on the nearby machines. Don't show them fear.
7. *Half-mile in* YOU ARE A RUNNING MACHINE.
You've never been happier to be halfway done with anything in your entire life. And technically, you're 50 percent healthier now. It's just basic math.
8. I probably look like this right now.
Let's face it: you're lazy. You're no fitness guru or bodybuilder. Your form is your form and as long as your muscles are getting contracted in the proper places then mission accomplished.
9. After a full mile: I SHOULD WIN AN OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL FOR RUNNING ON TREADMILLS.
This may seem like a small feat, but for lazy girls, this is the equivalent of the New York City Marathon.
10. They should really put couches in here for napping because I'd totally come here more often.
This is a valid idea that I'm willing to bring to Shark Tank. It honestly makes perfect sense. Why drive all the way home after a long workout when you could just curl up on a couch at the gym? Plus, less walking! And less is more for the average lazy girl.
11. Oh no. Is that? Yes, it is. Quick, grab some water and B-line to the locker room.
Pop quiz: What's worse for a lazy girl? Having to socialize at the gym or having to socialize while you're drenched in sweat and smell like germy yoga mats at the gym? Exactly.
12. Coast is clear, we avoided social interaction today. Back to the grind.
I'd better get back to my bike. The seat is getting cold and I'm reverting back to my blissfully sluggish ways.
13. What is this machine? Do I need to like, adjust this?
NO. I'm not looking at these instructions because that's reading and I didn't know going to the gym included a summer reading assignment. I'm sure it's fine however the person before me just adjusted it.
14. I think two sets of five reps should suffice for this one.
I like to think that 10 is my lucky gym number. It's the only amount of exercise I'm willing to do.
15. You mean to tell me that I have to exercise on this thing AND clean it?
What, do I have to WORK here now, too?
16. I'm just going to take a quick water break...for 20 minutes.
You really do have to let the muscles rest for a truly meaningful workout. And considering I will most likely not be here again this week, I'm going to need all of the "meaningful" that I can get here.
17. *Sees someone your age that is actually doing a high-intensity workout* Wow, I should find the motivation in my life to do that.
Seriously, show me your ways. Or write a book or something. On second thought, make it an audio-book or something.Or like a YouTube video.
18. *Then sees a girl just as lazy on the other end of the gym* HAHA wait no.
I get you, girl. We lazy ladies have to stick together.
19. I'm so excited to look sweaty and toned leaving this gym.
That's right. That's me, walking out of this gym, all sweaty and ready for a shower, getting my body nice and toned for the summer, #likeaboss.
20. Wait, where are my abs and muscle-y arms? DO I HAVE TO DO THAT AGAIN?
Wait, I need to go back? This is a sick joke.
