OK, I'm not saying that every girl has these thoughts as they walk across the UC Patio, but for the most part... I'm always right.

1. Will something nasty/dangerous come out of this lake? The alligator sign…

This is a serious issue I continue to face every day... Especially those flying fish, that shit has got to go. You never know what is at the bottom of that lake!!

2. Can I still get with hot guys if I’m not in a sorority?

YES, yes you can. No worries, frat/non-frats guys will touch anything they can get their premature, beer-drenched hands on.

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3. These girls can’t be that naturally tan… Right?

When I first came to the U.. I was at a tanning booth within the first week of school. So no, they aren't that tan.

4. Where do these cute dogs come from and where the fuck can I get one?

Omg. I know all you girls know the small white dog I'm thinking of... Also the pretty puppy golden retriever... OMG

5. Why do I get pit stains as I walk to class/dining hall/sit in a glider?

I just want to to sit in peace or walk to my 8am class without sweating everywhere, but hey, I picked going to school in Miami. My fault.

6. Please… Please don’t rain today…

*doesn't bring umbrella*
*wears flip flops*

7. *Pays 60,000 dollar a year* finds cockroach in dorm room

This is just unacceptable. Miami needs to call a fucking exterminator.

8. Waking up for you’re 8am class like, do I really need this education?

Do I...? Do I really need this education? I can get a job without a college degree. Let me just skip this one time...

9. Trying to find somebody rich (and decent looking) on campus to support your financial needs… Quick.

Ok maybe not decent looking... But like rich enough that looks/personality don't matter?

10. If I eat Panda Express, Lime, and Subway every day there’s no way I’ll get fat. There’s like vegetables and stuff in it?

Don't worry. As I've stated in other articles, embrace the freshman 15.

11. When you think coming to Miami there will be hot guys everywhere you look… You will be sadly mistaken.

Yikes... and I thought Miami was filled with hotties, ya gotta search for them here on campus.

12. Do I have to dye my hair blonde to be a DG?

You're all thinking it, and the answer is yes, probably (most definitely).

13. Why won't this totally hot frat *douche* guy text me back?

Cause he's a.... frat.... guy.... and he's not going to text you back...until it's like 4am.

14.*hides face as they walk through the breezeway*

"don't fucking hand me anything.. don't fucking do it"
*gets handed something*
"Thank you!"

15. Is it like, wear your sorority/fraternity shirt day today?

Oh, wait, I forgot, that's everyday here. Get a new shirt ladies and gentleman!! I'm tired of seeing your played out attire.

16. Is this too slutty for the grove/club/brunch/bars/dining hall?

Nothing is ever too slutty in Miami, in fact, nothing is ever too slutty. Strut your stuff girl.

17. *Walking past the Rat filled with drunk upperclassmen* *Feeling uncomfortable, looks down at nasty lake*

If you're a freshman walking past the rat on these days where its completely filled with loud (usually) hot frat guys, and judgey looking girls, you know exactly what I'm talkin' bout.

18. Waking up after a night at the grove and seeing the guy you hooked up with on the way to your your 8am class...

Self explanatory. Nobody needs this. Like, ever.

19. Why didn't anybody tell me I had to have a Louis Vuitton tote bag with a Fendi key chain to match?

Ugh.. rude, I would have told you guys!!

20. Why am I ugly?

Again.. self explanatory, but for those who don't get it... Why are there such pretty girls here and I'm like...