If your high school was anything like mine then you didn't have any type of Sex Ed outside of a lecture about abstinence (which is ironic considering how many pregnant teens there were in my school). For some reason, sex is one of the biggest taboos to talk about, but it's something we need to talk about.
To make up for the lack of education in high school, I am about to lay down 20 need-to-know facts for everyone.
1. The looseness of the vagina is not an indicator of promiscuity... or anything
This is an old trope meant to make women feel self-conscious about themselves... kind of like a lot of things. Some women have naturally looser vaginas, some women have tighter ones. Do you know what the tightness can tell you? Not a single thing, so you can stop throwing hotdogs down hallways to "make a point."
2. Ladies, your first time doesn't have to hurt
If there is a lot of pain during your first time it may be due to the fact that you aren't properly lubricated. Vaginas are magically and create their own lube, but if you are nervous about having sex you may not be creating enough and might need to supplement with a bottle lube. If it is seriously painfully the stop and make an appointment with your gyno as you may have something more serious going on (like a cut or an infection).
3. Also, you don't have to bleed like a horror film
Yes some women bleed and some women bleed a lot, but there is no normal amount.
4. Lube is your friend but can be certain condoms' enemy
Oil based lubes can eat away at condoms and cause them to break (just like baby oil). If you are using both, try to do some research and make sure that your lube is condom-friendly.
5. Masturbating is normal and so is not masturbating
If you like to play with yourself go for it. You aren't going to go blind or get hairy palms, so don't worry about that. If you don't like to touch yourself then don't. You should never feel ashamed or coerced when it comes to sex.
6. Foreplay is usually a must
Sometimes it takes people a little bit to get warmed up. If you are inserting something into a vagina (be it a penis, fingers, or sex toy) then it needs to be fully lubricated to avoid any uncomfortable situations. Also, a dry vag can lead to condom breakage.
7. An orgasm doesn't need to be the goal
Yes, they're great, but they are not necessary every single time you have sex. Often times if you chase an orgasm you end up chasing it away. Performance anxiety is a bitch. Sex is should be about enjoying yourself.
8. You are not a slut for enjoying sex
You should never feel ashamed for liking sex. Anyone who tries to make you feel bad for enjoying legal and consensual sex is a jerk.
9. You are not lesser for not waiting till marriage
Not everyone wants to wait. If waiting is your thing then go for it, but just remember you aren't better than somebody just because you haven't had sex.
10. You can have sex without emotional attachment if that is what you want
If you want to go out and screw people with no strings attached then, by all means, you do you. Have fun and be safe.
11. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want
Want them to go faster? Slower? Different position? Don't be afraid to make your wants heard during sexy time.
12. Basically, no one looks/sounds like a porn star
Real sex is barely anything like a porno. You don't have to worry about looking like a porn star when you climax.
13. Don't be afraid to explore different kinks
As long as they are legal, go out and try as many different kinks as you want. Let your freak flag fly and don't be ashamed.
14. Communicate with your partner
Communication is the key to a great sex session.
15. There isn't one-way vaginas and penises are supposed to look
There is a vast myriad of genitals and none are above the rest.
16. Both parties are responsible for protection
It is not a single parties responsibility to provide the protection. If you are too embarrassed to go buy condoms or mouth guards or any other type of protection then you probably aren't ready for sex.
17. LADIES: You need to pee after sex
If you don't you can end up with a urinary tract infection.
18. Wash your genitals
No one wants to bump uglies with someone who smells. Wash your dick/cooch and your bum. Seriously, unless that's their thing, no one wants to smell a crappy butt.
19. Don't be ashamed of enjoying or not enjoying sex
It is your body to do what you want. If you like sex GREAT! If you don't like sex ALSO GREAT! Do what makes you feel best.
20. YOU NEED CLEAR CONSENT WHETHER YOU ARE MALE OR FEMALE I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SAY THIS
Consent isn't supposed to be 'sexy' it is a basic human right for EVERYONE REGARDLESS OF THEIR GENDER. You are not entitled to anyone else's body no matter what you think they want. If you are unsure if they want to have sex with you then do not proceed until you have an unambiguous YES. Also: SILENCE IS NOT CONSENT. BEING DRUNK IS NOT CONSENT. KISSING YOU IS NOT CONSENT. BEING YOUR FRIEND IS NOT CONSENT. Unless it is them saying something along the lines of "I want to have sex with you" IT IS NOT CONSENT.
I leave you with some wise words from Ru Paul.
