21 is on the horizon for me, and I've been doing a lot of reflecting. I've learned a lot about life - and about myself - in the past (almost) 21 years. Family, friends, relationships, haters, and enemies have taught me so much. In the good times, and especially in the bad, I was able to find so much wisdom and so many lessons. I'm ready to enjoy, explore, and expand my knowledge at age 21.
1. Your real friends will reveal themselves.
After high school, you stop seeing people every day. Your friends will go off in different directions on different paths and then you will see the friendships you value the most. My good friends stretch from Michigan to Seattle, Washington; we may not all talk every day- but I know I can count on any one of them at the drop of a dime. I also know I'm in for a great time when we're all together in the city by the bay for the holidays.
2. Sometimes boys cheat, and it will hurt like hell.
These same boys will come back around years later, with regrets. It will feel like the end of the world, and it's okay to allow yourself to ride out that pain. Other people's actions do not, and will not ever, reflect on your character. You'll be a better, stronger person after you put yourself back together.
3. Being a black girl is lit.
4. You may have to break your own heart to get what you deserve.
No matter how bad you want to be with someone, you cannot allow yourself to settle. You may have to walk away from things you really want to find things you really deserve, and this will be painful in the most rewarding way. Your expectations are not too high, your standards are acceptable, and you will have to fight for what you deserve. Stop compromising!
5. Depression doesn't look any certain type of way.
The brightest smiles sometimes carry the most pain. You should stop judging what you see and start listening to what people say. Validate their feelings, and learn to validate your own.
6. Don't panic when you gain weight, because you can lose it.
7. It's okay to want to stay close to home for your undergrad.
I watched all my friends venture off to big universities in big cities, but I found my place in my perfect sized university right down the road from home. I was lucky enough to have parents that were happy to let me live on campus 15 minutes away from home, regardless, I have not one regret when I look back at my decision to attend SVSU. Your life, your story, your decisions, your experiences - are incomparable to anyone else's, so don't compare them. You may end up wanting to venture off after your BA, and that's okay too.
8. People you love will go to heaven, and this is a part of life you have to learn to cope with.
9. Mental health days are a real (necessary) thing.
Life can be pretty overwhelming. Being a full time student, part time worker, full time half-adult, etc. is challenging. Feelings are meant to be validated, not denied. It's perfectly okay to wake up some days and say "I just need a day off." and to take the time to get your mind back in the right place. It's okay to accept that life will defeat you sometimes, as long as you don't settle for staying defeated.
10. Small towns aren't really toxic.
People always say you appreciate home more once you leave, but I've never gone too far and I love the city by the bay. It gets more beautiful every year and I've met some of the best people in my life here. My family is here, my childhood was here, most of the greatest memories in my life so far... are here. Every city has its bad seeds and drama, so don't let anyone make you feel like that's a side effect of a small town. Love where you're from!
11. You can be friends with exes.
It can get messy, it can be irritating, it may not even be worth it... but sometimes it is. I think you should be best friends with the person that you're dating, so it's not completely far fetched to salvage a friendship after a relationship falls apart.
12. You're never as lonely as you feel on your worst days.
13. Giving in to Netflix and cookie dough for 24 hours is okay.
There's no cure like oatmeal cookie dough and two seasons of Grey's Anatomy in one sitting... I've tested this theory a few dozen times.
14. You'll find friends in unexpected places.
Like a random ray of sunshine that you've been working with for almost a year but never really talked to.
15. Your little cousins will grow up, and it will scare you.
I don't have younger siblings, but I'm sure the feeling is comparable. You learn a lot about life when you watch your baby cousins turn into middle and high school students. Strangely enough - it's discouraging and inspiring at the very same time.
16. You can be a leader in whatever way your heart desires.
Once upon a time I applied to be an Orientation Leader with little confidence in my ability to be peppy. I still wouldn't describe myself as peppy... but I am one of the most enjoyable, laid back OL's in the game. Take chances, stop doubting yourself, and remember to shine light on all the things you ARE rather than focusing on all the things you are not.
17. Your faith will guide you through the darkest times.
Whether you believe in God or just in good fortune - always remember to rely on what you have faith in. That's what it's there for!
18. It's important to count your blessings.
Because some people lose their mothers too soon, some people aren't close with their siblings, and some people have been through more in 1 year than I have been through in (almost) 21.19. Take time to celebrate yourself.
Because you're so young, and so special. Stop expecting yourself to have everything perfectly figured out and just enjoy being young. Get up early, get cute and take a selfie. Go out to the club, and dance until you sweat your eyebrows off.
20. Love life and it will love you right back
Because you literally only get one.
