On the eve of my 20th birthday, I decided to sit back and reflect on the past two decades. I realized that I have learned an incredible amount of wise lessons, which will not be soon forgotten. Without further adieu, here are the top 20 most valuable things I've learned, in no particular order.
1. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.
This is a given, and probably the most important lesson of them all. Unfortunately, not all of us learn this lesson before entering our twenties. Self-love and self-confidence are the key to having successful relationships with others because in the end, you have to be your own biggest fan.
2. Make every moment count.
When we were young, all we wanted in life was to be grown up. Well, now we’re finally there...and I’m sure most of us wish we were young again (I know I do sometimes). Make every single day and moment count- there are no “undo” or “backspace” buttons in life.
3. Cherish the little things.
Nothing is permanent. Whether it be your daily caffeine fix or petting a random dog on the side of the street (I would highly recommend this), try to be appreciative of everything. You never know when everything in your life could suddenly change.
4. Speaking of change- accept it.
Slowly but surely, I’ve learned that change is a good and healthy thing. Drastic change can take some getting used to, but with change comes growth, and with growth comes progress. Always keep moving forward.
5. Love your body, it's the only one you're going to get.
Weight is just a number on a scale. Size is just nothing but a letter on a tag. 32A or 36DD, 00 or 10, extra small or extra-large, it doesn’t matter. Every single body is unique and beautiful in its own way; no two people are exactly alike. So yeah, go for that extra cookie if that’s what you want, why not?
6. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.
We’ve all heard this one before, but it’s surprisingly true. Cutting people out but remaining civil, sure. Burning bridges and losing all respect for each other, not okay. You never know when that person may pop into your life again, so it’s best to be civil with all people to a reasonable extent.
7. Not everybody is going to like you.
It’s extremely hard to accept, but everybody will face this struggle eventually. There will be people that you meet whose personalities clash with yours and that’s OK, that’s just a part of life. The best thing you can do is be respectful, and use the good ole “smile and nod” technique.
8. Step outside of your comfort zone.
Don’t be afraid to take risks. With risks comes growth and adventure, and discovering new interests and talents that you may never know you had.
9. Don't get too upset over things you have no control over.
Sitting back and relaxing will go a long way when it comes to things that you simply cannot control. We can’t fix everything, sometimes we just have to let things be. Que será será.
10. Cut anyone out who doesn't make you happy.
This is a really hard one. For the longest time, I was unable to cut people out, even if they treated me badly. I would hang on to toxic “friendships” in hopes that they would resurrect someday. To my (not) surprise, they didn’t, and I just kept getting hurt in the end. If people don’t treat you right or make you as happy as you deserve to be: cut. them. out. Exchange your hi’s and how are you’s, but life is just too short for anything more. Stop wasting your energy on people who wouldn’t waste theirs on you.
11. Your opinion of yourself matters the most.
Other people’s opinions of you may be positive...or they may not be. Either way, what you think when you look in the mirror is the most important thing by far.
12. Don't be afraid to struggle.
Ahh, the part of life that sucks the most- struggling. It’s 100% OK to struggle, everybody does at some point. Overcoming obstacles on your own (or with help) is one of the most satisfying things in the world, and makes you so much stronger in the end.
13. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Reaching out and asking for help is a challenge sometimes, but it’s okay to not be able to do everything on your own. That’s what friends, family, teacher and mentors are there for- to help you on your journey in every way possible.
14. Never compare yourself to others in a negative way.
Sure, a little healthy competition is good sometimes, and gives us motivation to keep improving and moving forward. However, too much comparing can be toxic. We’re all different and unique in our own ways. Our successes and talents are our own, and we should never feel bad about ourselves just because someone else is talented, too.
15. Keep your parents close.
If you’re as lucky as I am, your parents have been your biggest support system from the day you entered the world. This kind of love and affection simply cannot be repaid, but the least you can do is keep your parents close and as involved in your life as possible. After all, they’re the reason you’re here! A simple phone call or an “I love you” text goes a long way.
16. Time can heal almost any wound.
In the moment, you may seem helpless. You may feel like this will never get better, or that your heart will never heal completely. Whether it’s the death of a family member, a painful breakup, or the loss of a friend- time will heal your wound. The best thing to do for yourself is to just take the time you need to get better, and let the universe work things out. Everything will be okay in the end. Just remember that if it isn’t okay, it isn’t the end.
17. Your first heartbreak will probably hurt the most (no, I'm not talking about your middle school 'boyfriend').
Rewind back to your high school or early college sweetheart, if you were lucky enough to have one. Do you remember the moment that this so-called “perfect” romance ended? Yep, me too. The first time somebody breaks your heart will be a time that you unfortunately never forget. Nobody can prepare you for the hurt that you will feel, or the way you may react. Either way, it’s tough, but it will make you 100x stronger in the end.
18. People will come and go, and that's OK.
When I was in the 5th grade, my teacher told me that the friends I have now will not be the friends I have in college. I was apprehensive, and shook my head in disbelief. To my surprise, she was right (give or take my lifelong best friend since kindergarten, God bless you, E). Throughout our lives, people will come and go. The people that we meet are either a lesson or a blessing, and sometimes it can be hard to differentiate who falls into which category.
19. Late night talks with your best friend(s) can fix anything.
Break out the wine and cheese, ladies (and gents)s. Any issues can easily be resolved by sitting back, relaxing, and just letting it all out. Surrounding yourself with supportive people who love you no matter what is the best medicine to cure a bad day. Wine also helps, too. So does vodka. And tequila.
20. The best is yet to come.
This may be #20 on the list, but it should be closer to #1 on your mind. Keep moving forward, and always remember that the best things in life are yet to come. After all, yours 20s are where its AT, so keep living, keep being happy, keep thriving, and never forget where you came from.
