For my four past summers, I have worked as a lifeguard. Being a lifeguard, I am not only a guarder of someone's life, but I am also a therapist, a friend, a manager, a babysitter, a professional tanner, Baywatch, etc. Through all these different titles, there is no doubt that I am walking away, full of life's most important knowledge.
1. How To Save A Life.
(Cue The Fray.)
2. The delicate art of tan lines.
There is nothing more appealing than that circle tan on your back. Nothing. (Except, of course, the coveted "X" tan line.)
3. The perfect whistle twirl.
What else are we supposed to do on stand? Watch the pool?
4. Storms are better than Christmas. Period.
(Cue rain dance.)
5. Work flings don't work. Don't do it.
6. There are no secrets.
Everyone knows everything. (See #5). What else are we going to talk about on break? (except, of course, that total DILF by the kiddie pool)
7. Gossip. Lots of mom gossip.
When you're virtually invisible to all the patrons, the art of eavesdropping becomes one of your best skills. I mean, honestly, we could probably rival the CIA.
8. NO RUNNING.
9. Those kids who poop in the pool are the ultimate champs.
Seriously, though, these kids deserve an award.
10. The color red makes you look the tannest. Trust.
11. How to get away with staring.
Thank you, sunglasses.
12. Kids are the absolute worst.
Except, of course, the kids of that DILF by the kiddie pool.
13. The art of suntanning.
Checking the UV index is as essential as breathing. Nothing beats a UV of 10. Period. You literally get paid to tan. Need I say more?
14. Chlorine and sunscreen are the only perfume.
15. The blue popsicles are the best.
Was this even a question, though? (If you like orange popsicles, we probably aren't friends.)
16. Lifeguard parties beat every type of party.![]()
I mean who wouldn't want to party with a bunch of bronzed gods who know CPR? (if you catch my drift)
17. Clothes are overrated.
When you spend all day in a swimsuit, the thought of clothing becomes basically irrelevant. What's business casual, anyway? You feel comfortable wearing virtually nothing in front of anyone all the time. What do you mean "no shirts no service"?
18. Closing time is the best time of the day.
Especially if you play "Closing Time" by Semisonic on repeat. (Take a hint: Please LEAVE.)
19. Anything and everything can be entertaining.
Whether it be pushing your co-workers in the pool, hiding pictures of the new hire around the office, or decorating the office for Christmas when you work at The Jewish Community Center in July, we truly know how to make everything into a good time.
20. Summer is the best time of year.
End of story.
Lifeguarding is possibly the easiest and hardest job you may ever have. It is where you meet some of the best people who may even turn into your best friends. Getting paid to tan and hang out all day with endless breaks can be quite taxing; however, it truly is the only job where you can "whistle while you work."
