I feel like everyone goes through that phase of being told what they should do with their life. It's natural for our parents and our loved ones to want the best for us, and it’s natural for them to express that concern in the form of advice.
As good-intentioned as most of that advice is, it can get pretty irritating, if not, just plain repetitive. It’s especially frustrating when that repetitive advice becomes less like advice and more like a command. And with that, I just have a few things I’d like to say to the people that have my future all figured out for me.
1. Thank you for your concern.
I understand that most your concern on what I do with my life stems from your concern for my well-being. I appreciate that you care enough about me to give me your input. You've had more experience than me, and you have a helpful perspective.
2. I may or may not act on what you've suggested.
Don't take any reaction I have to your advice as any kind of commitment or agreement to do what you've suggested. Many of the choices I make are done with a lot of consideration and the end decision might not reflect your suggestion.
3. Just because I don't listen to your advice does not meant that I don't value it.
It's hard to not get offended when we offer our opinion to others and they don't act on it. Sometimes a decision comes down to other variables that you haven't considered, and that's okay. It doesn't mean I didn't take your advice into consideration, it just means that I have a different plan.
4. Believe it or not, I have things going on in my life.
There are many other things I have to consider when I make a life altering decision. Sometimes those things are personal enough to where I would rather not share them with you. Chances are, it's not because I don't respect you, it's just a matter of what I'm comfortable with.
5. I care about my future too.
The decisions I make might seem counterproductive to you. You might not agree with what I do. You might not have done the same thing as me. Just know that despite how everything I do might seem, I do care about my future.
6. I might have a better understanding of what works for me than what you might think.
Usually, the best way to make a sound decision is to have as much of an understanding of the subject as possible. When the subject of the decision is me, I probably have a better understanding of myself than what you might understand about me. This might help me make a better choice than what you might suggest based on our understanding of the situation.
7. No, having a non-science major isn't the end of the world.
Even though I am a science major, I don't appreciate when you reinforce the idea that science majors will be the only truly successful individuals after college. Whether you judge others who are non-science majors or you remind me to not change my major to something less conventional, I don't appreciate it.
8. Cost DOES largely determine if I'm able to go to college.
Yes, loans can be taken out. Yes, scholarships can be applied for. Yes, grants can be given. However, college is expensive and requires that an individual makes one of the largest investments in their life on themselves. Sometimes that investment doesn't pay off, and that's a perfectly justifiable reason to not go to college.
Some people would rather not be paying $1,500.00 a month (starting after graduation) only to finally pay off their loans at the age of 68. And no, that's not an exaggeration. I actually sat down and calculated that out given my fees, loans, and interest rates for my first year of college.
9. Jobs aren't as readily available as you might think.
That 'get rich quick' trick you've been telling me about by getting a two year nursing degree actually won't pay off. Turns out, people with a bachelor's degree earn about 31% more than those with an associates degree in their lifetime. On top of that, two year nursing degrees are becoming less acceptable than those with four year degrees.
10. I'm not holding myself to unrealistic standards. I'm holding myself to the standards that are expected of me.
You might want to pin my constant unavailability and high stress level to me wanting to exceed the expectations or be the best. Sometimes, the reality of the situation is that I have a hard time meeting the standard expectations. Instead of assuring me I'll be fine or that I'm just overreacting, it might be helpful to just accept that I have really high standards. When you tell me I'm overreacting, it sometimes feel like you don't appreciate the full scale of the work I'm required to put in.
11. Not all colleges are created equal.
Sometimes all of those in-state state schools you keep referring me to aren't for me. The same degree might seem equal on paper, but when it comes to applicants and those accepted, there's an understanding that the quality of the degree will differ depending on where it was earned.
12. What works for one person might not work for another person.
What worked for you or your niece on your husband's side of the family might not work for me. While I appreciate the perspective, I don't appreciate the assumption that I'm less of a student because I need to do something differently than what you're used to. I also don't appreciate constant questioning on why I can't just do what worked for someone else.
13. People are less likely to listen to you when you're aggressive and condescending.
One of the most frustrating things is being talked down to for the life decisions I make. Just because you don't agree with what I'm doing does not entitle you to belittle me. In fact, if you try to limit me based on the decisions I’m making, it will only make me want to prove you wrong by doing the opposite of what you want.
14. It's okay for others to decide to not go to college.
Each person is entitled to follow the path that they believe is best for them. Just because you think everyone needs to go to college in this society does not entitle you to look down on those who choose not to go, regardless of their reasoning. Whether they can't afford it, don't value it, or struggle to learn with the standard form of our education system, they are entitled to not go to college. You do not get to feel superior because of that.
15. Just because some jobs are in high demand does not mean that other jobs aren't in demand at all.
Yes, jobs in the hard science fields may be growing faster, however that doesn't mean that occupations in education, management, or public services will be nonexistent. It would be nice if you didn't use an interest of mine as an example of something "you can just never get a job in".
16. My priorities are different than yours.
Some people prefer to go to college to get a "high paying job" and to have a stable financial life. Some people choose to go directly into the trades for the same reason. I think it depends on your values which vary from person to person. Just because you value a high paycheck does not mean that I will sacrifice my life to achieve the same goal. I personally value having a family and time to enjoy my life rather than working constantly so I can have three cars, but a family that moved away from me.
17. My choice on where I go to school (if I do) is not up to you.
f you were pressured into living and going to school in an uncomfortable environment while also trying to meet high demands, I imagine you would feel drastically worse than if you had gone to the place you were most comfortable with. This is why I would like it if you restrained from telling me where I should go despite my needs.
18. Just because I didn't listen to your advice one time doesn't mean I will never listen to any advice you give me.
As I stated before, there are many things that I need to consider when I make a decision. Sometimes the advice that you give is helpful and provides a perfect perspective that I didn't consider before. Sometimes the advice you give is rendered useless given a certain circumstance or situation.
19. Don't standardize me or others.
Because I am an individual with a unique set of circumstances, I don't think it's reasonable for you to compare me to others in a way that is meant to make me seem that I am not meeting a standard. Another person's situation should not serve as an additional, unwarranted standard that I am expected to meet. I also don't want to be what you use as a standard when some other person you know is trying to decide what to do with their life.
20. In the end, I'm going to do what's best for me.
I am my own person. Because I am my own person, I have my own priorities, concerns, needs, expectations, and goals. While I appreciate advice and new perspectives, I don’t appreciate being compared to others in a way that attempts to belittle the choices I make. I don't want to be deemed a disappointment because I want to make my own decisions, and I will ultimately do what is best for me regardless of what others say.
I don't intend on living a life as anyone but myself.
