- “I was actually forced into an arranged marriage with the Prince of Denmark, so I'm just waiting to finish my degree before moving back there to take the throne.“
- “I'm in a very intimate relationship with Ben, Jerry, and Netflix. Polygamy is becoming a widely accepted!"
- “My parents won't let me date."
- "I really need to work on myself right now … dating other people has made me lose sight of what's truly important, me."
- “Medically, it's not safe for me to date."
- “I have made the decision to commit myself to God and join a seminary post-grad."
- “I lost the key to my chastity belt. There's no app to help me relocate it. So that might be a deal breaker."
- “Single as in a unitary being? Yes, I am. I consider myself to be a stark introvert … so if you would … please leave me alone."
- “I'm training for a marathon and that takes a lot of commitment to winning. Therefore, I'm following the words of Charlie Sheen, “bi-winning." I'm currently in a three-way relationship with a pair of twins. Does that count?"
- Try anyone of these and see if he doesn't get the message: “I'm actually currently eating for two." “I've got a bun in the oven." Or “I'm looking forward to the celebration of new life in the coming 9 months."
- Just start crying and walk away
- “I've committed myself to becoming a lifelong bachelor, and the lifestyle that comes with it. Are you interested ;)?"
- “I only date men with Dad-Bods. Sorry."
- “As a child of the 90s and a mama's girl, I was always told to have high standards. As a result, I've committed myself to only dating, and promptly marrying, one of the members of N*SYNC."
- Give them the death glare until they walk away.
- “Yes, I am! But sadly, I've recently joined the Peace Corps and I won't be around for the next 10 years or so. Wait for me?"
- “Currently, I've taken the role of John Tucker as research for my next acting role. So, technically I have 3 girlfriends but I'm still available, that work for you?"
- “I only love my cat and I must remain loyal to her as she is to me."
- “I spend too much time juggling Ford on-the-go, The Big Bang Theory, Tark mart, and vending machines, that I truly don't have time for anyone else in my life."
- Yes.
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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
StableDiffusion
Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face
StableDiffusionThis tradition is meant to drive away bad spirits of the past, but honestly, it's more like a free concert...your friends should really be paying you for your services if you decide to do this on New Year's Eve.
Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket
StableDiffusionIt's been sitting there since what, 8:00? You snooze you lose, and besides, no one's paying attention to you anyway.
Pop Twelve White Grapes
StableDiffusionIf you were in Spain, everyone would be doing just this. One grape for every month of the year. It's supposed to be lucky and stuff.
Burn Something
Photo by Ian Schneider on UnsplashIt's really not that odd-- families in Ecuador burn scarecrows every year on New Year's Eve. It's a symbol of diminishing the negativity of last year. Perhaps preform this one outside though, just to be safe of course.
Smash Things Against a Wall
Photo by Lidye on UnsplashWe can thank the Irish for this bright idea, they use bread specifically though. Who knows why this is a tradition, but it certainly seems like it could be incredibly soothing, don't you think?
Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig
Photo by Melissa Askew on UnsplashThis isn't lucky or symbolic of anything, but it'll give you something to do at the stroke of midnight and you'll look god damn cool doing it.
Call Your Mother
rotary telephone
Photo by Vinicius "amnx" Amano on UnsplashWell, she did give birth to you. Midnight on New Year's Eve seems as good a time as any to thank her.
Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window
Photo by Kinga Howard on UnsplashAccording to South African tradition, it doesn't necessarily have to be a coffee table. It could be a futon, an ottoman, an armoire, really any piece of furniture that's old. It's for luck of course.
Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs
Photo by Chang Duong on UnsplashChannel your inner Beyonce, or Mariah, or whoever your Pop Star Diva Queen is and belt that tune. It'll be fantastic mood music.
Do Some Squats
Photo by Meghan Holmes on UnsplashMay as well start the New Year off by working on your inevitable resolution to drop some pounds. Why waste a single moment, you're likely forget the resolution by February anyway.
Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water
Photo by Brayden Prato on UnsplashAnother foreign tradition, this one is practiced by Germans. The kick of it is, you've got to do it while holding a lit torch. Again, who knows why this is a tradition, but its certainly sounds like a fun little challenge to ring in the New Year.
Take a Shot
Photo by Duri from Mocup on UnsplashAnd by shot, naturally I mean a snapshot. Perhaps a group photo, a selfie, or even an unfortunate snipe of your best friend. You'll feel loads better knowing you'll have something to always remember the first moments of 2025 by.
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