In case you haven't checked the weather or have been lucky enough to not step outside lately, it's hot out there. And I don't mean, "Oh it's a little warm out today," kind of hot. I mean triple digit, buckets of sweat, hair ruining humidity, get a burn just thinking about the sun kind of hot. This is the weather I have nightmares about. I truly believe I will melt into a giant puddle of sadness and sweat, and believe me, no one wants to clean that up. I know, I know, some people actually like this kind of suffocating, blistering heat, but I am not here for it. I would gladly take frostbite over heat stroke. I want winter and snow and hot chocolate. I want to be bundled up. So that's what I will do. In my air conditioning.
1. I'm allergic to the sun.
Recommended for you
2. If it's too hot for Satan, it's too hot for me.
3. I'd rather watch Netflix than melt into a puddle, thank you very much.
4. My makeup looks flawless today and my setting spray cannot handle the amount of sweat that will pour out of my face. Sorry.
5. Pools are like 90 percent pee.
6. I would literally drown in my own sweat if I left the safety of my air conditioning.
7. My mom says I can't go outside ever again.
8. Beaches sound great until you're sunburnt and dehydrated.
9. There is no amount of sunscreen to protect me because it feels like we're being fried by the sun and I will turn into crispy, burnt bacon.
10. I was not built for this kind of heat. My body absolutely does not have the strength to endure this.
11. I also don't have the willpower. I can barely walk to my car without thinking I'm crossing the Sahara. I will lay down. I will give up. And I will die right there on my driveway.
12. The poof ball of humidity and frizz that will overtake me hair won't be pretty. I'm doing the world a favor, trust me.
13. We're paying for air conditioning. Might as well use it.
14. I'm really not about to torture myself. Not into that.
15. I already drink a gallon of water a day. That doesn't seem like enough anymore!
16. What do you want from me weather? My first born?
17. I will complain, I will whine, and I would cry but there wouldn't be enough fluid left in my body to produce tears.
18. If I can cook food on the sidewalk or in my car, then the outside is actually an oven and I'm not about to be Hansel and Gretel.
19. It's too hot.
20. Seriously, it is too hot. I'm never leaving air conditioning again.
