Johnathan is a newly-turned Art Major at WPI who agreed to sit down for twenty rapid-fire questions. None of this has been edited, except for redacted names. Yes, this is the same Johnathan.

So, how are you doing?

“I’m good, living the dream.”

What’s the first thing you thought this morning?

“Not wanting to take the Physics 1111 test.”

Ok, what’s the most exciting thing in life right now?

“Figuring out everyone else probably failed their 1111 test as well and that, like, a five out of twenty-five is most likely going to turn into a C.”

What are you bored of right now?

“Doing work.”

If you had a superpower, what would it be?

“Ability to fly.”

What is your bizarre talent?

“I have the ability to sit around all day and be unproductive and then wonder why I was unproductive all day.”

What can’t you do?

“I can’t do- “

[prolonged silence]

“Stuff. I can’t physics well. I can English really good though.”

Most absurd nickname you have.

[prolonged silence]

“No comment.”

Best advice you ever received.

“Is it really that I can say anything?

Yeah.

“Two in the pink one in the stink.”

What is your spirit animal?

“Red panda.”

What is your favorite curse word?

“Shit.”

Favorite Disney character?

“Nemo.”

If you joined the Spice Girls, what would your Spice Name be?

“I don’t know any of the Spice Girls.”

Just pick a name.

“Fireball.”

What’s your most overused phrase?

“Fuck you?”

What would be the title of your biography?

[prolonged silence]

“The Uneventful Life of [Johnathan].”

What’s your favorite website?

“Reddit.”

What’s your favorite fashion trend?

“Harambe apparel.”

Most American thing ever.

“Anything [redacted] does.”

Favorite thing about your hometown or state.

“Cops don’t care what you do.”

Finally, best hashtag ever.

“#DicksOutforHarambe.”

Alright, any other comments?

“Dicks out for Harambe.”

Okay, thank you.