Summer has arrived!! The time of year also known as the severe sunburn season is here to ruin the lives of pale people like myself. It’s almost a talent how easy it is for pale people to get sunburnt. We can go outside on a cloudy day when the sun in barely poking out and still manage to get burnt. If you are pale you will understand all these struggles.
1. Sunscreen stocked up.
What kind of sunscreen would you like today? Spray on or rub in? SPF 50 or 100? You have more sunscreen than your local Target carries but you will still end up sunburnt.
2. Aloe stocked up.
On top of your large supply of sunscreen you have a large supply of Aloe for when sunscreen doesn't do its job. Pro pale tip: keep Aloe in the fridge, you will cry tears of joy when you apply it to your sunburn.
3. Constant sunburn.
It doesn’t matter what time of the year it is. It can be winter and 60 degrees and you have sunscreen on but you still manage to get sunburnt. All you want is to enjoy going outside without fearing the sun.
4. Pain, so much pain.
Constant sunburn turns into constant pain. Showers hurt, sleeping hurts, clothes hurt, and you begin to think you'll be forced to never go out side again
5. Peeling, so much peeling.
You had hoped this sunburn would eventually turn into a tan but bad things happen to good people and you start peeling uncontrollably.
6. You can’t wear white.
The second you wear white the ghost and invisibility jokes start coming.
7. Or black.
Everyone looks good in black right? Wrong, black makes you look like a vampire.
8. Or yellow.
Yellow, a color that looks great on tan people, but horrifying on pale people.
9. Or really any color.
Let’s be honest, any color of clothing just looks great on tan skin. Pale people struggle with finding clothes that don’t wash them out.
10. Buying foundation.
When buying make-up I always start with the leftmost shades like “fair” or “light”. The names should just be changed to “very pale” and “pale”.
11. You can’t fake tan.
I mean you can, if you want to come out looking like a Flaming Hot Cheeto.
12. You can’t take pictures with flash.
When a camera flashes you suddenly disappear from the photo or look like haunting ghost.
13. You can’t wear lipstick.
You see all these pale celebrities pulling off the bold red lipstick look, but when you try it you just look like a clown.
14. Tanning is impossible.
You don’t tan, you burn. Tanning is nearly impossible, but sometimes, just sometimes you get really lucky.
15. Your whole family is tan.
You are the odd one out in the family, people often question if you are even related to your tanned siblings.
16. Ghost jokes.
You’ve heard the Casper reference at least once in your life.
17. Are you sick?
No I’m not sick this is just my natural color! Thank you for your concern but I am now offended.
18. So many freckles.
At least freckles make you look a little tanner?? Kind of, not really…
19. Not covering your body is really bold.
You finally work up the confidence to wear shorts and show off your pale legs but quickly have your self-esteem knocked down when someone points out how pale you are
20. People ask you why you are pale.
"Why are you so pale?" I don't know, why are you so rude?
