It's always those really little things that tend to drive me absolutely insane. I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about, too. The most excruciating and mentally-frustrating part of human life: our pet peeves. Now, I would not consider myself to be some terrible disagreeable, irritable person with an unruly number of things that really piss me off, but I will admit that the list isn't necessarily short either. I think we can all agree on the standard "chewing with mouth open," "mouth-breathers," and "walking on the wrong side of the sidewalk/hallway." I mean those are just flat out sadistic, you know? I've always wondered why so many people do these horribly annoying things when they are the most BASIC of all pet peeves. I do not know of a single person that is not bothered by people chewing with their mouths open. It's disgusting. Yes, I know you've been doing a great job of chewing your food before swallowing it, but you really don't have to show it to me in the mean time. I believe you. I'm really, truly proud. Really. Truly...
Anyway, I've decided to compile a list of my own personal pet peeves that might even seem completely normal to most people. If you are the type of person who does some of these things I have included in the following list, don't automatically assume that I despise your entire existence...
Just don't be offended if you catch an occasional eye-roll.
1. Radio DJs talking over song intros or, even worse, song outros.
- Intros tend to be my favorite parts of songs. I mean really, they get me pumped up. But those outros, man...like, at this point I have made it through the entire length of a song which means that it has caught and held my attention for 3-4 minutes (for radio music, that's saying a lot) and now some filthy radio scum wants to jaw over the last ten seconds? No. Nope. No thanks.
2. Holding the door for someone and them just walking through without saying thank you/letting someone in while driving or out of a parking lot without any sign of gratitude.
- THIS ONE. OH. MY. GOD. I always thought it was just common knowledge to show a little bit of appreciation when somebody goes out of their way to make your life a little bit easier. It doesn't waste that much oxygen breathing even a quick "thanks" and you won't be less of a human being if you raise your hand to show thanks for me allowing you to enter the lane you wish to be in! I promise!
3. When drivers forget or fail to use their turn-signals.
- Just do every driver on the road a favor and just let us know when you're about to whip it into the turning lane so the rest of us don't have to slam on our brakes, okay? ALSO, if you're gonna use those turn-signals, USE! THEM! CONSISTENTLY! And for all of you out there who really know how to grind my gears, please turn those blinkers on BEFORE it's obvious that you're turning because you have already slowed to a crawl. Thank you.
4. Restaurants that serve their food on things other than standard plates.
- Look, guys, I don't want my food in a trough, on a roof shingle, in a small fry basket shaped like an old-fashioned Corvette, just give it to me on a plate. And screw those square plates that have, for some reason, become increasingly popular. Screw them.
5. My hair getting stuck in odd places.
- My hair has gotten to the point where it's fairly long and I'll admit it, I really enjoy it! But for some irritating reason it is constantly getting stuck in my armpits, under my bra strap, in the door...but my favorite is when it's sucked up with the seat belt. Yeah, that's awesome.
6. Glee.
- ...
7. Motorcycle gangs with matching outfits.
- Because why? Why is this necessary? What is the appeal?
8. Those idiot hosts of 'Animal Planet' shows .
- There are few things I love more than Shark Week and those grizzly bears can have me hooked on the TV screen for hours, but as soon as the hour turns and all of a sudden some whacko is trying to wrangle the hell out of a crocodile that was just chilling out in a swamp, minding its own business 20 seconds prior, I'm out.
9. Driving gloves.
- Again, there are no words for this one.
10. Customers who stare at the case of cookies, contemplating buying one, and then make comments about how they "really shouldn't..." or how they've "been so good lately...".
- Look lady, if you want the damn cookie then buy the damn cookie. You do not need to seek out my approval on this situation, I just work here. Cookies are fantastic and honestly, if you really wanted to be "good" you wouldn't deprive yourself of things that you want just because it might have a few hundred calories in them. Don't buy a cookie every single day and you'll be just fine! Nobody in this place cares about your diet, and I guarantee we all think the cookies look great, too.
11. Obviously staged laughing-pictures.
- We are all FULLY aware that you and your best friend were not caught laughing while looking at each other and doing that really awkward half-hug thing. Don't get me wrong ladies, you all look 10/10. Maybe I'm just being catty. And jealous. Yeah, that's about right.
12. Silent "n"s in words like "enviroNment" and "goverNment".
- The same applies for silent consonants like the ones in "February" and "knife". And do not even get me started on "Wednesday"....
13. Having your picture taken with a dead fish.
- Okay this one I have never been able to understand, and I am fully aware that this is only a 'me' thing, but is nobody else deeply disturbed by the fact that we see so many pictures of people holding up dead fish like trophies? I understand that you're proud of the fact that you managed to lure a fish into bite down on a worm you painstakingly attached to a hook and threw into the water, but...but...it's a dead fish!?!
14. It's MY pen...
- Listen up, you had better return that pen the very second you are finished with it, got it? What part of "borrow" is so unclear to people? Okay let me break it down for you: "borrow" does not mean put it in your pocket or lay it on your desk and never give it back. Yes, I am aware that pens don't actually cost that much and that I am probably overreacting here, but it's merely the principle of the situation. I just want my stuff back, guys. Really.
15. People who are rude/inconsiderate towards waiters.
- THIS IS THE BIG ONE. Okay, these people are doing you a service by serving your food to you. The very least you could do is be decent towards these lovely women and men who have to deal with monstrosities like you on a daily basis. Waiters do not get paid nearly enough for the amount of crap they have to put up with. It isn't their fault your food didn't taste the way you expected it to. It isn't their fault that the chef didn't cook it thoroughly. Be patient. Be understanding. Don't be a pain-in-the-ass.
16. People who just won't put down a water bottle once they've finished it.
- Crinkle. Pop. Crinkle. Crinkle. Snap.
17. Every business on the planet thinking that they need a Facebook/twitter page.
I mean, my doctor is a genuinely great dude and all, plus he did a superb job when I had that really bad flu back in 2014, but I could not care less about what they do the other 363 days in the year when I'm not writhing in pain or projectile vomiting.
18. When I make a side comment about something and someone tells me to "calm down."
- Well yes thank you, I was calm before, BUTNOWI'MNOT!
"Man this movie kinda sucks..." "Wow, calm down, it's just a movie"......"WHAT DID YOU SAY? DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, OKAY, I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT ABOUT THIS TERRIBLE, GOD FORSAKEN MOVIE!"
19. When people are oblivious to the 4-way stop etiquette at a busy intersection.
- "Well, hmmm...the car in front of me just went, so I probably should be able to just squeeze in right behind them, huh?"
20. Mosquitos.
- Done. Not saying anything more. Everyone knows it.
