Is anybody else tired of this extremely sad sitcom of an election we're having here in the U.S.? Yes? Good. We Americans have been more outspoken than ever on our two main presidential candidates: the human Cheeto with a toupee, Donald Trump, and the real-life Pinocchio (but without the nose), Hillary Clinton. This is the first election I'll ever be voting in, and while there are other much more appealing candidates in other parties, I decided to compile a list of people who I believe would make fantastic presidential candidates in the very likely chance that I resort to a write-in vote this year.
1. Beyoncé
Why settle for Queen when you can also be President?
2. Leonardo DiCaprio
Truly an inspiration.
3. The creator of the Cosmic Brownie
God bless.
4. Cole Sprouse
He trolled the world by creating a personal Tumblr account as a social experiment, as if 2012 wasn't crazy enough already.
5. Zac Efron and Dave Franco
With Vice President Seth Rogen.
6. Michael Phelps
The GOAT.
7. A goat named Michael Phelps
8. Elle Woods
9. ~Captain~ Jack Sparrow
The rum would never be gone if he's in charge.
10. Furby
11. That girl who ate her own tampon in 2013
12. Nicholas Cage
13. The lead singer of Nickelback
14. Charlie Sheen
15. Pitbull
AKA a naked mole rat.
16. That guy who flipped a water bottle
17. Casey Anthony
18. Courage the Cowardly Dog
19. Amy Schumer
20. Ellen DeGeneres
So my fellow Americans, if you're like me and feel that our current options for president make you want to vomit, remember this nifty little list upon entering the voting booths on election day. Choose wisely when casting your vote, because although we're doomed no matter who you choose, you might as well choose the person who would make this country ~less~ doomed, am I right?
