I finally hit the big 2-0! How do I feel, you ask? Honestly no different. This year, the week leading up to my birthday was one of the hardest weeks I've ever had, but it could've been worse, so I'm thankful that I am still alive, healthy, and able to write a little something for myself. Within these past 20 years, I've learned a few things that I can hopefully share with you, and maybe you can take something away from this.
Without further ado, here are 20 things I've learned in 20 years.
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1. Say yes to things
I'm the kind of person that if someone texts me last minute to do something, I'll think of a thousand other things I'd rather do instead. But in these past few years, I've been saying yes to more spontaneous events, and some of those seemingly minor adventures are now cherished memories. Take it at your pace, and maybe just once this week, say yes to something you may usually say no to. What's the worst that could happen?
2. Listen more
If you know me, you know that I can talk your ear off. I'm a New Yorker, it's in my blood. But some of the most intimate moments I've had with people were when I realized that I should shut up for once, and let someone talk my ear off. When you actually take a breath, and let the world speak instead of yourself, you can hear some pretty spectacular things (and some crazy things).
3. Read more
I'm a busy college student, when do I have the time to read? I'm not saying read a series in a day. I'm saying read the news more, read your local news more, read the back of your cereal box, read the back of your Chipotle cup, just read. Some of my favorite words have come from strange places that I just decided to read. Read. Read. Read.
4. Say "I love you" to someone
Hey you, reader. Hi yes, I'm talking to you. I love you. I think you're amazing. I hope you know you're loved, and even if you can't name someone right off the top of your head, it's okay because I love you.
I don't reserve "I love you" for one special person, because I don't only love one person. I love my friends, I love my family, and I love everyone else. It doesn't have to be someone I'm related to. I tell my dogs "I love you," every day, and they may not understand me, but I still love them. You never know when you're going to express your love for someone for the last time. And also, 10 out of 10 times, they'll say I love you back.
5. Empathize More
You'll notice that I've had a hard time learning a lot of these things. This is no exception. Trying to genuinely understand how someone feels is so incredibly hard. It is especially hard when you disagree with them initially, or when you don't have the energy or the time you wish you had. But as a sociologist, my purpose is to understand why people do the things that they do. As a human being, my purpose is to understand why you do the things you do. Because I have challenged myself to try to genuinely understand, I have learned things I don't think I would've learned if I didn't try to empathize with people more. Who knows, you may just find out new things about yourself.
6. Go outside
Okay, this was actually EXTREMELY hard because everything I love can be done from indoors. My dogs are indoors, my food is indoors, my computer is indoors, my family and friends (can go) indoors. More importantly, I have horrible seasonal allergies, why would I want to go outside? Well, my sneezing friend, there are so many things outside that you just can't experience inside. I'm not saying you should go explore your friendly mountain (which if you can - you go do that HECK YEAH), but just taking a walk, feeling the sun and the air on your body is incredible. If you want a bigger challenge (and it is safe to do so), go barefoot. It is crazy the amount of times that I've gone barefoot while walking my dogs and have felt so at peace. I've been told walking barefoot is like reconnecting to the Earth...? I'm not sure, but it's awesome to let my feet just feel.
7. Try a new form of exercise
But Maddie, you haven't gone to the gym in like a year! Thanks for reminding me. I'm not saying that you need to run 10000 miles, or go swim 30 laps (Jesus, no). What I'm saying is try a new sport, or a new path to walk, or a new gym. Giving yourself some variety when it comes to exercise keeps it fun, new, and fresh. If you do the same thing everyday, you'll eventually get bored of it. Grab a volleyball. Go walk your dog to the left instead of the right. Try that new machine at the gym. I mean walk your cat, you can do that and you should get a medal for trying.
8. Pet an animal
Speaking of walking a cat, if you see an animal (that isn't working - please don't pet service animals), and you've asked the owner (if present) for consent to pet their animal, GO TO TOWN. Come on, who doesn't get so excited when you see a puppy on campus? Or a fluffy dog on your way to the grocery store? Let's face it. Animals make everything better. If you didn't interact with an animal by chance, go to your local shelter and pet some animals. They love it as much as you, and maybe you'll fall in love and you'll take someone home. Animals can feel what you're putting out, and they'll never judge you (at least out loud) for anything. When was the last time you were able to tell someone something and feel no judgement? Go pet the animal.
9. Genuinely ask how someone's day was
You never really know who needs this. Besides, if someone matters in your life, why wouldn't you want to know how their day was? Maybe they just got promoted? Maybe they got to pet a dog? Maybe they just got into a fender bender? You just never know. You never know when that may be your last time to ask them, so ask them while you can. If they ask you in return, tell them how you really feel. Was your day really "okay?" Why? Give them good answers. Allow them to give you good answers. Ask.
10. Write more
I've been a writer my whole life, so maybe this just comes naturally for me. But what has allowed me to become better and better are the moments that I just wrote for hours on end. I used to have this best friend (shout out to my girl Erica) where we would just get our computers, sit down, and just write. It didn't matter what it was. She would write these incredible poems, and I would write these mediocre short stories. Now I have transitioned to diary like entries, and small blurbs. Writing is amazing when you want to gather your thoughts, capture a dream, or just need to speak. The beautiful thing is that afterwards, you can burn it, you can keep it, you can send it. Your words are now documented, and anything can happen.
11. Reach out to old friends
Recently, I was faced with a situation where the only way we could cope is by being with friends, old and new. I talked to people I haven't spoken to in years. I talked to people who I cut out of my life for various reasons. While it was an unfortunate situation to reconnect for, it was needed, and I am so incredibly thankful I did. I got to tell these people what I've been feeling for years, and I got to tell them that I appreciated the memories, and wished them the best. Now if anything happens to me or to them, they and I can move on knowing that what needed to be said was said, and it leaves no room for regret.
12. Be thankful for one thing a day
Some days these is almost impossible on. It feels like nothing good happened. What could I possibly be thankful for? Honestly, anything and everything. Did you fail a paper? That's okay, be thankful that you have another shot to still bring up your grade. Your partner broke up with you? That's okay, be thankful that now you have the opportunity to explore yourself and new people. Recognize that some days will be harder than others, and to be gentle with yourself. One thing is still better than nothing.
13. Call your family
Whether your parents and friends are a minute away or a state away, everyone always appreciates a nice phone call. I talk to my parents almost everyday or every other day. If I haven't talked to a friend in a while, I'll call them. Facetime works too, sometimes you just need to watch a movie with a long distance best friend or just see someone's reaction when you tell a story. Talk to the people who you cherish, and let them know you love them by calling them.
14. Do something mind numbing
As humans, we're constantly bombarded with work, news, drama, etc., and after a long week or a long day, you just need to unwind. I suggest a podcast, a Youtube video, cute animal videos, a book, anything. Something you don't need to pay attention to. Something you can just absorb. Anything works. Just let your mind kinda zone out.
15. Breathe more
If you have asthma or vocal chord dysfunction like I do, I know that this means something different to you (shout out to my people who can't breathe). Sometimes when I'm so worked up and frustrated, or start the beginnings of a panic attack, I forget to breathe. Really. I think a lot of us are so unbelievably stressed, upset, and frustrated more than we'd like to admit, and it becomes such a ball of emotions that we forget how to function. It's okay, you're okay. If you take the moment to focus on your breathing, you'll find that it helps a lot more than you think.
16. Just Feel
After you're able to regain your breathing, you'll be faced with whatever you're dealing with. Stressed? Anxious? Tired? Sad? Let yourself feel those emotions. Sometimes we are so quick to rationalize how and why we're feeling that we just don't let ourselves feel what we're feeling. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself be stressed. Sit with your emotions for a minute without rationalizing them. Let yourself have your thoughts racing 1000 miles per second. Then once you've let yourself be, start working on a plan, start rationalizing, and start the path to feeling better.
17. Know that you have a right to feel how you feel
After letting yourself feel how you feel, sometimes you feel guilt or shame for feeling the way you do. Sometimes you feel that you're overreacting. Sometimes you feel like you don't have a right to feel the way that you do. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO FEEL HOW YOU FEEL. This was so incredibly hard to truly understand at first, but once you do, everything feels so much better. Your feelings are your own, and while people may give you a hard time, they can never take those feelings away from you if you do not let them. You have a right to feel how you feel, just like you have a right to create your own plan and path to feeling better or content.
18. Volunteer More
I never really volunteered in high school, or the things that I did I never considered volunteering. Now that I'm in college, I'm realizing that I never give back. Sure, I do good things here and there, but I never get to do something for someone else, and then see the results. I've recently started volunteering at a cat shelter, and it's been so so much fun. The beauty of volunteering is that you can never do enough, and the fruits of your labor are usually evident right away. You can see the smiles on people's faces when you've helped them, you can feel the cats purring when you comfort them after surgrey, you can see the food you've made for people who need it. The spirit of giving is contagious, and I can guarentee that once you start volunteering, you won't want to stop.
19. Appreciate being alone
While I absolutely adore my friends, I am the kind of person that after a long week, I need to recharge. I need my space. I need a moment to calm my brain down, and allow myself to be numb for a little. It doesn't mean I'm anti-social, it doesn't mean I'm feeling anything negative. It has taken me so long to be able to genuinely feel okay being alone, and not worried that I'm missing out, or that I need to be doing something. Sometimes doing nothing, by myself, are my favorite moments.
20. Be as happy as you can be
This is by far the hardest lesson I have learned in my brief twenty years. My level and definition of happiness change every day. Sometimes I'm just happy I got out of bed, sometimes I'm happy just because. Understand that just because you're ecstatic one day does not mean you're going to be ecstatic the next day. It is okay if some days are amazing and some days aren't. Trying to be the happiest you can be at the given time is incredible, and even the smallest ounce of happiness is still great. Be proud of yourself for any amount of happiness you manage to find that day.
XO
