Fox's "Gotham" is the story of Batman . . . without Batman in it. In this show, rookie Detective Jim Gordon sets out to find the true killer of Bruce Wayne's parents, after finding out (thanks to a tip Oswald Cobblepot gave Major Crimes Unit) that the man the police suspected was framed. Twelve year-old Bruce also starts his own detective work into the subject, despite Alfred's protests. Gordon gets some help from Selina Kyle, a young street thief and witness to the murder. In the GCPD, he has few allies except Harvey Bullock, his reluctant partner, and Edward Nygma, an eccentric forensic scientist with a fondness for riddles. As the show progresses, Gordon not only has to deal with finding the Wayne killer, but also gang wars, psychopaths, conspiracies, and, most recently, the creation of meta-human monsters.

Although the characters that receive the most focus are Jim and Bruce, the show has a very large, very talented cast. Given the diversity of the characters and their personalities, I decided to sort them into Hogwarts houses.

The Slytherins:

Oswald Cobblepot, aka the Penguin

"A year ago, I held Fish Mooney's umbrella. Now she's dead by my hand. Along with Maroni. Falcone is in hiding, and all of their businesses are mine. They all underestimated me. I suggest you not make the same mistake."

Fish Mooney

"A real little firecracker, huh?"

"A firecracker goes off once and then just lies there. What you're looking at is the Fourth of July."

Selina Kyle, aka Cat

"Rule number one: look out for number one."

Theo Galavan

"Monsters are coming, Mr. Mayor. Monsters. Who will cleanse this city in blood and fire.

Jerome Valeska

Jerome: [playing Russian Roulette, aims the gun at his forehead] What's the secret to good comedy? [pulls the trigger] Timing. [He places it next to his cheek] And what's courage? [pulls the tirgger again] Grace under pressure. And . . . [places the gun underneath his chin] who's the boss? [pulls the trigger a third time] I'm the boss.

Barbara Kean

"You're a true beauty. Something you can use to your advantage. Your appearance can be a weapon, as powerful as any knife or gun."

Harvey Dent

"Teenagers, they almost always call heads. I don't know why."

"A two-headed coin."

"Whatever works, right?"

The Hufflepuffs

Harvey Bullock

"You tell yourself, 'I'll just do this one bad thing. All the good things I'll do later will make up for it.' But they don't."

Dr. Lee Thompkins

"The way people look at you, see you differently, you treat it like it's a burden. It could be a source of pride, or happiness if you let it."

Alfred Pennyworth

"For the past two years, Master Bruce, all I've tried to do is protect you and keep you safe, thinking that's what your father wanted. But you're not the same boy he left behind, are you? So, I have to ask myself: What would Thomas Wayne do if he were here? Your father took responsibility for his actions. He fought very hard for what he believed in. And I will not stop you from doing the same thing."

Butch Gilzean

"I am going to kill that old man with my bare hands and my teeth."

"I'll be holding your shoes."

Carmine Falcone

"You can't have organized crime without law and order. I love this city, and I see it going to hell. But I won't let it fall apart without a fight."

Commissioner Sarah Essen

"I've sat back and watched all the corrupt, lazy men buy their way into this job and waste it. Not me, Jim. Not me."

The Ravenclaws:

Edward Nygma, aka the Riddler

"Go to hell, Ed."
"Oh, you've already put me there--here. But not for long, my friend. I'll find my way out, 'cause this place is just one big puzzle, and puzzles are my forte. Nobody beats me."

Lucius Fox

"People, surely we should have a backup strategy, given the strong possibilities of failure."

Professor Hugo Strange

"You cannot order scientific discoveries the way you order a steak, Ethel."

Tabitha Galavan, aka Tigress

"You're not the King of Gotham. You're the king of garbage."

The Gryffindors:

Detective Jim Gordon

"Are you insane?"

"No . . . maybe a little. Feels good. They're gonna try and kill me anyway. Might as well make them pay a price for it."

Bridgit Pike, aka Firefly

"So what are you gonna do?"

"I'm gonna go after the rest of them."

"The rest of who?"

"The pervs and the bullies. The ones who hurt people like us."

Bruce Wayne, aka the eventual Batman

"You can't kill murder. You can't get revenge on evil. You can only begin to fight such things by not doing them. You can only fight them where they live, not just at Wayne Enterprises. In the streets, in the slums, in the bad parts of town. So that's where I'm going. I'm not going to start battling muggers or anything, but one day I am going to do something to help the people of Gotham. I don't know what yet, but I will."