After a consensus observation of my Facebook timeline, it seems that fall just became everybody’s favorite season. How did this happen? I’m not sure, but I observed something very similar a few months ago before summer. People eagerly awaiting “beach body” season, summer vacation away from school, etc. I have this theory that some people enjoy looking forward to looking forward to things, but that is neither here nor there. What is here though, is fall. Fall, also known as Autumn, is the transition from summer into winter. Autumn of 2016 will last from September 22nd to December 20th. That’s 89 whole days plus an extra hour of daylight savings to enjoy looking forward to winter. In between pumpkin spice lattes (which are not on the list because no) and pants (which are on the list because yes), here are the 20 best things about fall.
1. Weather
With the weather getting gradually chillier, the deciduous trees’ leaves will undergo a transformation of color ending in their separation from branches. During this process, you will have plenty of opportunities for photo ops with stunning backgrounds because of this annual tree shedding.
2. Football
After seven whole months, it’s finally here; Monday Night Football, Thursday Night Football, and Sunday Night Football. Not to mention College Game Day on Saturdays for college football. Let us all hold hands and join each other, for the hating of the Patriots. Rival-bonding can build very, very strong relationships. Amen.
3. Cuffing Season
The perfect time to find a partner is during fall. Fall is when the nights get colder and longer, leading lovers to feel lonely and in need of company. Put it like this, it’s like you’re in the Flavor of Love, but this isn’t VH1, it’s real life and your Flavor Flav. Except with far less options, so you’ll settle for one, maybe two if you’re lucky.
4. No More Sweating
No more humidity, which means no more sweating for no apparent reason. This isn’t meant to excuse the use of deodorant, but merely to celebrate the end of excess sweating phenomenons due to nature such as pit stains and swamp ass. Hip! Hip!
5. Daylight Savings
An extra hour for the late night [eat the] booty calls. Daylight savings complements cuffing season so, so well.
6. Homemade Halloween Costumes
Halloween is such a liberating holiday. It’s the only day of the year where you can be yourself and pretend you aren’t. The costumes range from funky to creative to downright awful. If they’re good you’re impressed, if they’re bad, you laugh. It’s a win/win.
7. Thanksgiving
Have an auntie you dislike? How about a spoiled cousin who’s too entitled? Good news, Thanksgiving gives you the perfect opportunity to call them out. We all know that everybody knows, so what better opportunity than at the table where you have family to back you up? From your uncle’s unseasoned chicken to your nephews smacking habits or even to your cousin who makes a to-go plate and hides it in the oven before the meal begins, let the family roast session commence.
8. Fair Season
From county fairs to state fairs, there’s no better way to enjoy fried foods and ride carnival rides with someone who you’re romantically interested in.
9. Candy Corn
Listen, all I’m saying is, if y’all don’t like candy corn, you know where to find me.
10. 50% off candy on November 1st
This is perhaps the most underrated on this list. For some odd reason, stores always anticipate selling more Halloween-themed candy than they actually do. 100% of the time this leads to the candy going for 50% off the very next day, also known as Day of The Dead. Dia de los Muertos for my Mexicans one time.
11. Basketball Season
New player signature shoes. Rivalry in both professional and collegiate basketball. Disappointment awaiting Laker’s fans. Basketball season is here, and it’s here to stay until June. Hip! Hip!
12. High School Bands
I don’t know if it’s just me, but for some reason I only listen to bands such as We The Kings, All Time Low, and Yellowcard during this time of the year. It’s really phenomenal music. If anybody can relate, please tweet me. Even if you can’t, please tweet me. Please.
13. Pants
Pants (English). Pantalon (French). Byxor (Swedish). Need I say more? Fellas, no more forgetting to lotion your knees. Ladies, no need to shave. Who doesn’t love pants?
14. Carving Pumpkins
There are few things more calming and nostalgic than riding through a suburban neighborhood to see carved pumpkins sitting by the doorsteps.
15. Ignoring Academic Emails
Usually when school begins, students are very excited and motivated to do well. By the time fall officially starts, 95% of us are through the honeymoon phase of school and we begin to get extreme satisfaction out of ignoring academic emails. If this turns into a habit, at least make sure you go to class.
16. Uggs
Again, I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I like Uggs on women. So yea.
17. Seeing Your Breath
Seeing your breath is a magical school bus-stop phenomenon that has never left me. It reminds me of simpler times and times where I was happy with life because I had a favorite song to listen to. Fall brings this magic back for me.
18. Funnel Cakes
This is the G.O.A.T. of all carnival foods. This twisted, circular, browned-to-perfection fried dough delicacy is best served above a paper plate and under powdered sugar. It’s worth every penny they tax you. Can be found at state and county fairs. Flea markets as well. 12/10, would recommend.
19. Peculiar Candle Scents
Much like women looking forward to the newest and trendiest bathing suits for the summer, I look forward to all the current, contemporary-hybrid fragrances that companies can sell me in the form of a candle. There’s nothing like having your cuffing season partner in your room and them asking you “What’s that smell?” And you tell them it’s David Hasselhoff Pineapple Cilantro. From Forbidden Apple to Gingerbread Maple to Autumn Leaves, I’m here for it all. Those are all real fragrances by the way. Except the David Hasselhoff one. I made it up. If you’re disappointed, Pineapple Cilantro can be purchased here.
20. Bad Latte Art
To finish off the best things of fall, here we have bad latte art. Latte art seems so Tumblr and so hipster. It also apparently seems difficult as there are approximately 1,840,500 results on Google when you search “bad latte art.” Like all art, “bad” and “good” are subjective. Bad can even mean good in some instances! It’s all a scam anyways. Ironic.
It took me about an hour to insert the photos into this article. I’m done here. 20 best things about fall. It’s now fall, so go and enjoy your funnel cakes with your byxors on at the state fair with your cuffing season partner. If that is of no interest, then just look forward to looking forward to spring. Enjoy!
