Over the past 18 years of my life, I have learned several things, specifically 19. Most of these things I have had to learn the hard way, as do many teenage girls. However, I still want to share what I've learned. Whether or not you listen to me is your choice. I know I may not change your mind about certain things and I may not even impress you at all, but my goal is to, hopefully, make you stop and think. My goal is to make you examine your life and ask yourself, "Have I learned these lessons and have I altered my lifestyle to adapt to these new realizations?" Most of these 19 things I realized in college, though God had been teaching me the lesson all through high school as well.
1. Friends Are Important
No matter what happens, true friends are going to be able to cheer you up and take your mind off things. Never take for granted the great blessing that comes with them. Some of your greatest memories will come from random moments spent with your friends. They are the ones who will bring laughter and peace into your life. Even if you don’t talk to them every day, a simple catch-up coffee date can change everything. If they turn out not to be a lifelong friend, then you can still have peace knowing you put your best into that relationship.
2. College Is Not High School
People don’t sit back when you talk about them. They don’t wait for someone else to take action. People stand up for themselves and make stuff happen. They take initiative if they want it and don’t waste their time if they don’t. Learn to do the same. Life is a lot better when you actively engage yourself instead of watching it go by. Your mom can’t call in for you if you don’t feel good or forgot about a homework assignment. Your parents can’t fix your problems for you; you have to do it yourself. Teachers won’t constantly remind you of your paper due next month nor will they always give you a study guide. College is fun but it also takes a lot of responsibility. You can’t study the night before a test if you want to pass. Exam week is more stressful than you think, but Christmas break is longer than your need. In other words, you’ll have more responsibility, but with that comes more fun and memories.
3. You'll Miss Home
No matter how much you want to get out of your house, you will get homesick. You will have mental breakdowns in your dorm room. You are going to be emotionally exhausted from all the change moving to college brings. This is when you’ll miss your home, no matter how stressful it was. You’ll miss it because it was what you’ve known for the past 18 years. You’ll miss it because even though your parents drove you crazy, they still had your back.
4. Nothing Happens the Way You Plan It
No matter how many different scenarios you come up with in your head for a certain situation, not one of them will be the way it actually happens. Prepare yourself for the worst and hope for the best, and trust God; he knows what he’s doing. He has a much better plan than you anyways. If you trust him, you will be able to look back and have peace with what has happened, because you’ll know it has made you and is making you who you are.
5. You're Stronger than You Could Have Ever Imagined
No matter how many tears you cry, no matter how much your heart hurts, you are being made stronger. Every tear and scaring experience is working to build you into a better person; let them. Don’t push away hard emotions. Embrace them and use every situation as a chance to rise up and become a better you than you were yesterday. Don’t let mean girls and disrespectful boys bring you down; don’t let them sink you to their level. Use every difficult situation as a way to rely on God. He will help you through anything; all you need is to ask.
6. Its ok to have a bad day
Not every day is going to be easy but not every day is going to be hard. There will be days when you want to give up. You’ll want to run home or just stay in your room. There will be days when every step and every breath feels like it is taking every ounce of energy from you. These are the days when you must rely on God for peace and strength. You must also accept that you are not perfect and never will be. This means that you are going to have bad days, and that is perfectly OK. No one is going to think less of you just because you don’t have it together every second of everyday. Let yourself cry. Let yourself be sad. If you bottle up all those emotions, they will only come back, stronger, and usually at very inconvenient times. Let them out as soon as you can and move on. Every day is a new day.
7. Girl’s Nights out Are Important
Every once in a while you need to spoil yourself by dressing up and hanging out with your friends. Go to a concert, go bowling, go to a movie, do anything! Let yourself have fun, not the drunk party kind of fun, but the fun where you stay till 2 am talking about your favorite actors or singers or the latest drama. Let yourself be a teenage girl, after all, you only have 1 year left.
8. Keep Your Mouth Shut
As hard as it is to accept, not everyone cares about your personal problems or worries, and that’s ok. Not everyone needs to know every detail of your life. You need to designate a few people who you go to with your problems. Don’t run your mouth at work, or in class, or on social media. It’s really no one’s business except those who are going to help you through the problem or are part of the situation. This may seem simple but it’s harder than you think.
9. Don't Compare Yourself to Others Based on their Social Media (or at all)
Comparing yourself to anyone is never a good idea, but especially when it comes to social media. Social media is the perfect way for someone to paint a picture perfect life for their followers. I mean think about it, you wouldn’t post something about how terrible your life seems to be, would you? No, you post pictures where you look happy and look like you’re having fun; so do other people. So don’t spend your time wishing your life were more like some other person’s. Get up and go hang out with your friends. You’re in charge of your life, so make it what you want it to be. Don’t let other people’s seemingly perfect life ruin your chances of having fun and living.
10. Some People Aren't Going to Like You
There will always be people in your life that aren’t going to like you. Sometimes they have a reason, sometimes they don’t. All you can do is be your best and the right people are going to be drawn to you. God didn’t make you to make everyone happy, he made you to make Him happy and sometimes living for Him isn’t what people like, which means they won’t like you. Some people may not like you for other reasons though, like the color of your skin, the kind of clothes you wear, who you date, or because you’re in a certain organization. You can’t control what people think about you, but you can control how you present yourself.
11. Your Mom Loves You
No matter how many doubts you have about your mother’s love for you, it is always there. She is the one who knows you best; after all she’s known you 9 more months than everyone else. She is also (sometimes) smarter than you give her credit for. She can be a good judge of character and be objective when you can’t. She will always be there for you, even if you don’t get along all that well. Sometimes it’s hard to feel loved when someone is always giving advice on what you should do, but I promise if you love her well and do your part as a daughter, you will see how much she loves you as a mother.
12. If You Have a Problem With Someone Talk Directly to Them
This goes along with #8: keep your mouth shut. Don’t tell other people about your negative feelings towards someone else. If they have done something to hurt you, tell them. It does no good running your mouth to other people. Doing this not only looks bad on you but it can also get back to the person you’re gossiping about. This can create some very awkward conversations if they choose to confront you about the problem. So why not just go ahead and talk it through with them? If they don’t respond positively or maturely, that is their problem to deal with.
13. Cut Off Negative People
As loyal as you may be, your first loyalty should be to yourself and what you value. There will be people who negatively influence you. You probably are already thinking of some. Trust me when I say, it is not unfaithful for you to cut them out of your life. Part of taking care of yourself in a healthy, not selfish way, is to surround yourself with people who uplift you and encourage you; people who will be there for you during your worst decisions and also during your best. Forget about those who are only there when you’re doing well and the ones who always seem to put you in a bad mood. This will make life a lot better. There will still be people who are hard to deal with but that is much different than them being a negative influence.
14. Throw Yourself into What You Love
Whether it’s sports, dance, acting, singing, art, music, comedy, photography, you name it, it’s what you love and you have to keep doing it. Most likely the past year has brought many changes and if not, then this year will. But don’t forget to do what you love. Give yourself time to work out or read or do whatever you love doing. This is going to help keep you happy and mentally healthy, which is very important during life changes. It’s equally important when your life is going great as well. Put all your effort into what you love and you will not be disappointed.
15. You're Allowed to Say No
You can say no. To boys, a party, a bad friend, over-commitment, etc. You are allowed to set aside time for yourself. You are allowed to stand up for what you believe in; in fact, you’re expected to. You’re expected to say no when you want. Yes, you will have to do some things you don’t want to but you are allowed to say no too. Don’t let cultural pressures and expectations limit you to what you say yes and no to. Make your own decisions and be your own person.
16. Defend Yourself
Don’t let anyone disrespect you or what you stand for. Stand up for the relationships you are in and the decisions you make. If you can’t defend them, then you probably shouldn’t be a part of those relationships or decisions. If you’re scared to defend them, just think about how much scarier it is to regret losing something knowing you could have done something about it. Don’t sit back and watch people threaten you or talk bad about you or do injustice to you. Stand up for yourself as well as for those you love.
17. Trust Your Intuition
Sometimes there are going to be situations in which something doesn’t feel right and chances are that’s because you’re right. When you get that feeling that something is wrong, trust yourself. You’re intuition is smarter than you think. If you think someone is doing something wrong, ask. If you think an injustice has been committed, investigate. Now, don’t get nosy, but if it involves you, trust yourself. Not everyone will have good intentions and you can usually get that vibe from them. Don’t shrug this off as being judgmental; there is a difference and learning that difference is key. You also have to realize that you can be wrong sometimes; accept it. But don’t give yourself reason to regret not going with your gut.
18. Focus on being the Right Person
Everyone always talks about “finding the one.” That is nonsense, according to Andy Stanley, and I completely agree. You don’t need to be focusing all your energy on “finding the one” because what happens when you find him or her? Are you going to be their “one”? Spending more time focusing on becoming the type of person you want to be will be much more worthwhile. Trust me, God will lead you to the right person. He won’t let them pass you by. So stop worrying about “finding” them. He will do that for you, what you need to do is focus on growing and learning as an individual. Yes you can go on dates but remember to analyze yourself and your character too.
19. Not Everything Has a Right and Wrong Answer
This is the hardest thing I have had to learn. Nowadays everything is either black and white or completely mixed together. Sometimes, yes, there is a right and wrong answer, like in math. This isn’t always the case in life, though. Sometimes you have to just pray and go for it and trust that whatever happens is in God’s plan for you and he will use it for your benefit. So stop analyzing every little thing and worrying about having a perfect tract record. Everyone makes mistakes, sometimes they’re avoidable but sometimes they’re not; sometimes they’re just a part of your story.
I hope you take these 19 lessons I've learned with you and apply them to your own life. They have greatly helped me improve my thinking and attitudes towards a lot of situations and I hope they do the same for you!
