I love writing; but, more importantly, I love being lazy. And in being lazy, I'm not going to write an article. You, right now, aren't reading an article. What you're reading is a list of articles I would write, if I had the necessary wit, creativity, and would face no legal and/or professional repercussions.

1) An Open Letter To The Professor Who Gave Me A Final On A Friday

2) 13 Ways To Sound Less Like An Asshole When You Order A Quinoa Salad

3) An Open Letter To The Guy Who Still Wears Axe In College

4) I'm Not Sure What's In This Drink, And That's Okay

5) 14 Reasons Why Transition Lenses Are The Epitome Of Sex Appeal

6) An Open Letter To The Friend I Lost Because We Didn't Agree On If Ross and Rachel Were On A Break Or Not

7) Which Hard Drug Overdose Bests Suits You, Based Upon Your Favorite Hot Male Celebrity

8) 56 Ways To Convince Guy Fieri To Adopt You

9) White People Suck, As Told By Fox News

10) How Alcohol Can Actually Cleanse Your System

11) A Love Letter To The Girl I Met In The Bathroom At The Bar

12) 17 Reasons Why Millenial Republicans Have It Tough In America, As Told By The #BlueLivesMatter Movement

13) Why Sharkeisha Was Right To Hit Her: A Controversial Op-Ed

14) 103 Reasons Why I Should Be Paid To Run My Own Twitter

15) An Open Letter To The Idiots Who Bothered To Read This Article

16) 7 Ways To Be A Trendy Liberal, As Told By The IRA

17) Approximately 33 Ways To Get Free Things

18) A Letter To My Racist Family: Why I Don't Correct You, And That's Okay

19) How Sky High Taught Me To Love Myself

**As I said before, I am not creative; credit for many of these ideas is due to Odyssey Offline Twitter.