I started binge-watching Grey's Anatomy at the constant request of my friends. I knew that the show was likely to be sad, since it's a medical drama, but I had no idea that it would be tear-inducing, soul-crushing, and otherwise like an emotional roller coaster from hell. While pretty much every second of the show ruins my life, here are the top 18 moments where creator Shonda Rhimes was actually Satan.

To kick off the train of tears, give this one a listen.

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD.

1. When Addison shows up and you find out that Derek is actually married.

I'm pretty sure that I started yelling at my computer when Addison came to Seattle. I eventually grew to love her, but I was pissed when I found out that Derek was married (It's funny to me that you're automatically supposed to hate the wife, even though Derek knowingly and intentionally is having an affair??) To quote my boyfriend, "I get that he's dreamy or whatever, but he's sort of an ass."

2. When Derek chooses Addison over Meredith.

Meredith gives a long, emotional speech to Derek before a surgery... and he still chooses Addison. She's pleading for his love and putting her heart on her sleeve, and he shuts her down. Meredith is an extremely strong character, so to watch her grovel for the man she loves just hurts. Even though they eventually end up together, it was devastating to watch Meredith be the runner-up to a character we are automatically supposed to hate. Meredith and Derek's relationship is pretty toxic and messed up overall, but it still made for some sappy speeches and tear inducing scenes.

3. When a bomb explodes in the hospital.

Meredith spent THE ENTIRE EPISODE with her hand in a patient who had a bomb inside of their body. Not your best move, Mer. The whole situation is made to freak you out and think that someone won't survive, and sure enough, just when everything seems okay, the bomb explodes. It kills cute bomb squad guy (Dylan, aka Coach Taylor from "Friday Night Lights"), and Meredith gets covered in blood and bits of hospital. How fun.

4. When Doc has to be put down.

I can watch 12 seasons of a show where someone dies in almost every episode, but as soon as an animal dies I'm done for. That just seems unfair. As soon as they found out their dog had cancer, Meredith and Derek came together to say goodbye to him, and I wept hysterically the entire time. This is one I'm still pretty mad at Shonda Rhimes for, since Doc literally did nothing wrong to deserve this.

5. When Denny died and no one was okay.

DENNY GOD DAMN DUQUETTE. All of season two was spent falling in love with Denny, and in the end I still had my heart broken. Izzie helped Denny to get a new heart transplant, and in the end he still died. He had already proposed and everything, and the season still ended with me calling my boyfriend in hysterics, begging him to never get an organ transplant. Denny was the most charismatic, loving, and decent people on the entire show, and to have him ripped away from us was totally not okay.

6. When Meredith drowns and sees everyone in heaven.

Meredith ends up falling into freezing water when she tries to help victims of a ferry boat crash, and no one realizes until her skin is literally blue. She then has an entire episode in heaven while the doctors attempt to revive her, and she sees Denny, bomb squad Dylan, Doc, and her mom, who she realizes has died. It's brutal enough to watch her interact with beloved dead characters, but seeing the doctors try to save her al

7. When Burke leaves Cristina at the altar.

Just when it looks like Cristina and Burke will be happy together, he ends up leaving her at the alter. She has a major panic attack and begs Meredith to cut her out of her wedding dress, and just sobs for the rest of the episode. Honestly, Burke and Cristina never seemed to be the best fit, so while I'm sort of glad it didn't work out, it wasn't fun to watch. He's not the sun, Cristina Yang. You are.

8. When Denny comes back to tell Izzie that she's sick.

Yet again, Denny Duquette ruining my life. Izzie begins to see Denny, but he's obviously not there. He keeps saying "I'm here for you, Izzie Stevens," and she eventually figures out that he's here to take her to heaven with him. She tells Denny to go away and realizes that she has cancer, and we don't see Denny again. ):

9. When George is John Doe.

This was honestly one of the most traumatic episodes for me from any show that I've watched. George decides to enlist in the military after his dad dies so that he will have a purpose, and the doctors frantically plan to intervene. When George doesn't show up to work all day, everyone assumes he has already been deployed. A John Doe is admitted into emergency surgery after saving a woman from being hit by a bus, and is very disfigured after being hit and dragged by it. Meredith is tending to the patient, who cannot speak, and he writes 007 on her hand, George's nickname from the very first episode. She of course is horrified to discover that it is George, but ultimately it's too late and he is declared to be brain dead. The whole ordeal is devastating as the doctors break down over the loss of their friend. George was one of the best characters on the show and he didn't deserve to go.

10. When a shooter enters the hospital.

This whole episode is extremely awful and traumatic for so many reasons. A man enters the hospital with a gun, intending to kill Derek as he believes that he killed his wife during a surgery. Seven people end up being shot, while four of them are killed. Meredith watches as Derek is shot and can't help him, and Cristina later attempts to remove the bullets while the gunman holds her hostage. The shooting was clearly meant to be traumatic, showing doctors and patients hiding, dragging themselves to safety after being injured, and dealing with fatalities, and it was one of the only episodes where I've felt truly sick afterwards.

11. When Henry dies during surgery.

I knew from the very beginning that if a cute guy had heart or tumor problems, he probably wouldn't make it (I'm looking at you, Denny). Henry and Teddy's marriage was initially only so that he could have medical insurance, but they really loved each other as time went on. Cristina unknowingly operates on Henry, but a tumor eroded part of the pulmonary artery and he bleeds out. Throughout the next few episodes, Teddy makes Cristina verbally repeat the entire surgery and what went wrong as a way of grieving for her dead husband. ):

12. When the plane crashes/ Lexie dies.

When several surgeons have to fly to Idaho to scrub in on a complex surgery, their plane crashes, stranding the doctors in the woods for several days. Meredith, and Christina all receive fairly minor injuries, while Derek's hand is mangled and Arizona ultimately loses her leg. Lexie, Meredith's half-sister, becomes trapped under a piece of wreckage, and the doctors realize that she won't survive. Mark holds her hand while she dies, telling her that he loves her and they'll spend the rest of their lives together, and she passes away with a smile on her face.

13. When Mark dies soon after.

After Lexie dies in the woods, Mark becomes very silent. The doctors assume it is out of shock, but Cristina eventually discovers that he has extensive injuries, and he quickly deteriorates. Back in Seattle, Mark is joking, sharing words of wisdom, and seeming to do better, but everyone knows that this is a sign he will fall into a coma. Sure enough, he quickly becomes comatose. After 30 days, Derek and Callie take him off life support, while flashbacks throughout the episode showed the raunchy but sentimental man we all grew to love. Even though Mark was sort of terrible for a while, he had a big heart and was a major part of the show.

14. When Cristina leaves.

When Cristina is offered the chance to take over for her ex-flame Burke as the head of a hospital in Switzerland, she obviously jumps at the chance. Before Cristina leaves her and Meredith have one last dance it out to "Where Does the Good Go" by Tegan and Sara, reminiscent of the very first episode of the series. Yang stands in the gallery and waves goodbye to Owen while he is operating on a patient, and the whole thing makes you want to cry. Cristina gets into a cab after Meredith tells her that she loves her and to go, and Cristina looks back at her while she leaves. The show just isn't the same without the twisted sisters together.

15. When Jackson and April's baby dies.

Jackson and April finally get pregnant, only to find out that their baby has a super rare bone disease that he won't be able to live with. April has the baby and names him Samuel, and the couple have him baptized before he dies. His untimely death ultimately leads to major depression for the couple, causing April to become an Army doctor. Because of this trauma and the fact that they cannot recover, this ultimately spirals into their divorce. Jackson and April were such a beautiful couple, and they just deserve to be happy.

16. When Derek dies.

I knew that Derek died before I even started watching Grey's, but man was this just a kick in the throat. After helping to save several car crash victims on the way to the airport for his last business trip to Washington D.C., Derek's car is t-boned by a semi truck. This renders him unable to speak, so when he arrives at an under-staffed hospital, they cannot figure out what is wrong. Penny Blake, who ultimately joins the Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital staff, tells her supervisor that he needs a head scan, which ultimately could have saved him. Derek narrates the entire thing in his head, and understands that he is going to die. Just like his best friend Mark, he slips into a coma, and Meredith has to take him off of life support. Derek had his faults, a lot of them, but in the end he was charming, kind, and a great surgeon.

17. When Amelia finally cries after Derek's death.

Amelia, who had been extremely stoic after her brother's death, finally admits to Owen that she can't deal with the fact that her older brother died. She is extremely devastated that she didn't get to say goodbye to Derek, as Meredith didn't call her before she took Derek off of life support. Amelia keeps saying that she's a neurosurgeon and that she could've saved him, but there was nothing that she could do to bring Derek back. It's upsetting to watch Amelia break down, as her history of drug abuse looms in the background, but it's a cathartic way for her to process her grief and allow Owen to help her through it.

18. When Alex is Meredith's person.

Meredith is brutally attacked by a patient, and has to deal with a dislocated elbow, left knee swelling, a fractured rib, beck swelling, and a collapsed lung. Meredith's friends from every surgical team help to heal her, but Meredith cannot hear them as her hearing has been impacted by the attack and cannot speak as her jaw is wired shut. The entire episode is seen from Mer's point of view as she deafly watches the hospital around her. Throughout the entire thing, we see a rare glimpse of Alex crying, as he is so concerned for his person. In the end, Alex comes to Meredith's room joking that she's covered in snot, and she laughs, realizing that she can hear again. Alex is overcome with joy and holds Meredith as the two of them laugh and cry together. Alex's love for Meredith made me weapy, as he is the kind and caring friend that Meredith so desperately needs.