Throughout my years of being on this germ infested planet, I have had my fair share of sickness. No one wants to be sick, but every year there are so many people that are for countless reasons. While in college, you are living in close quarters and are constantly around people. Chances are that once someone on your floor gets sick, everyone else will get sick. There are a million thoughts that run through my head while I am blowing my nose for the 75th time that evening. Here are a few thoughts that everyone gets while they are practically coughing up their lungs.
1. Where is my mom?
She always used to take care of me and now where the hell is she? She needs to tell me what medicine to take and tell me I'll be okay.
2. Since I have watched 269 episodes of Grey's, let me diagnose myself
Since I have seen so many open heart surgeries, I can basically do one myself. Now, if I can do open heart surgery, I can diagnose what kind of disease I have. I know all of the medical terminology, I don't even need to go onto WebMD.
3. I just want to be wrapped up like a Chipotle burrito.
I am so cold and don't want to move. Someone wrap me up, so I cannot move can stay warm forever.
4. How many days can I go without washing my hair?
Do I really need to get up, undress, shower, and then get back into clothes just to go back to bed? No. My hair can wait.
5. Do I really need to wear clothes?
If I am already wrapped up like a burrito, and I don't plan on going anywhere, what's the need for pants or a shirt anyway?
6. I have an extreme hatred for the person that got me sick.
Why in the world did that person think that they could cough around me? Next time I see them, I plan on sneezing right in front of their face.
7. When are the rest of my roommates going to get sick?
It is just a matter of time until the rest of my apartment gets sick. Even though they take all precautions to not get sick, who would like to volunteer as tribute?
8. Why don't I have a significant other to take care of me?
Seriously, I am single now? All I need is someone to cuddle me while I blow my nose and drink tons of tea. Maybe I should go out and find someone to take care of me. I can go out with a box of tissues to find a man. I can do it!
9. I promise I'll never do anything bad again if it means that I'll never be sick again!
I swear I hate being sick so much that I will never do anything bad ever again! I say that I'll do it, but of course, I'm going to go out to Barrel House and the Daiquiri Factory and make a fool of myself.
10. Since I have all of this time, I should be doing homework.
I am just laying here doing nothing, I should be doing something productive. Ha! Who am I kidding? Give me the remote, the new season of "New Girl" is on Netflix!
11. I am going to die.
I have literally coughed 300 times today, how are my lungs still intact? I can't move, eat, or swallow food, how am I even living still? I am going to die.
12. Is it acceptable to call off school/work even if I have a little temperature?
I don't really like going to school/work in the first place. I don't really like the people I see at school or work with. This is the perfect excuse to call off without looking like a terrible person. Yes, I am definitely calling off today.
13. Why is the TV remote so far away?
Netflix, don't ask me if I am still watching Dexter! Of course I am! Now the remote is too far away to say yes; someone needs to invent a remote that is voice activated where I can yell "Of course I am watching my 14th episode of Dexter today! Continue, so I can finish the season!"
14. Let me pour my shot glass full of NyQuil...
Since I cannot go out with my friends on this Friday night, I might as well partake in the festivities with them and pour a shot glass full of NyQuil. I won't have to feel left out at all, and I can still get drunk! NyQuil has alcohol in it, right?
15. How many seasons of "How I Met Your Mother" can I get through in one day?![]()
In my time of sickness, I plan on planting my ass on the couch and watching TV until I hopefully feel better. In that time, I plan on making it all the way to season 6 in one day. Can it be accomplished? I don't know. But CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!
16. Jake snaptchatted me, I need to put makeup to show that I am still attractive!
Even when you feel like you are dying, you don't want to prove to your crush that you are. So, what shall I do to make myself seem cute even though I am hacking up a storm? Let me throw some sort of makeup on so that I can take a "cute sick selfie." Now, thankfully there are filters that have makeup on them, so you don't even have to!
17. Do I have enough money to hire someone to take care of me?
I may be in college and broke, but I definitely cannot take care of myself right now. I need someone else to make soup for me, hold my hair as I throw up, or make me hot tea. I also need someone to make me feel like everything will be okay, instead of me just telling myself I will get better.
18. I took being not sick for granted.
I can't remember the time where I was fully not sick, but I really took that time for granted. I hate the way that I feel now, and I never want to feel this way again. I need to appreciate myself more when I am not sick.
Everyone goes through all of these stages of being sick, and it is absolutely awful. When it is finally over, you feel like a brand new person. Unfortunately, you go back to taking pulls out of a Fireball bottle and sharing it with your friends and end right back up to number one on this list.
