1. Asthma
One night I woke up unable to find my inhaler and felt the presence of the Reaper standing over me; my life truly flashed before my very eyes. Still, I will always be able to count on asthma to take my breath away until the day I die.
2. Mismatched Socks
There’s something to be admired here. Although thoroughly different, this pair accepts each other’s flaws, without a single complaint.
Imagine that.
3. Split Pea Soup
The feeling I get when I think about split pea soup is the same as when I realize I left the milk out on the counter. Gross. And yet, in my 19 years on this Earth, I’ve never met split pea soup face-to-face.
Daniel Zemans @ flickr.com
Point: Split Pea.
4. The Person Eating Split Pea Soup Across From You On The Bus
Kevin Schoenmakers @ flickr.com
Hey, at least *her* smile was warm and genuine, right?
5. Moldy Noodles In The Back Of The Fridge
pic/noodle credit @ Lillian Croll
Those wet strands and chunks of rancid beef will absolutely make your life stink for more than a few months. And yet, those moldy noodles can’t force you to abandon your innocence before you’re ready. Leave ‘em there, until it just, I don’t know, feels right.
6. Sleet/Slush/Hail and Any Other Obnoxious Below-Freezing Form Of Precipitation
Waking up to freshly fallen snow is delightful. Enchanting, even.
Waking up to anything else that falls from the sky below 32º is nothing less than disgusting. Not to mention that the risk of bodily injury instantly skyrockets. There WILL be ice coming at your head and it WILL be impossible to walk without falling, or at least waddling around like a damn fool.
Nonetheless, at the end of every obnoxious wintery day I am reminded: frozen hair/runny nose/wet feet or not, at least this cold front will only last a couple of weeks.
7. Touching the Wall of a Dorm Shower
No one ever wants their own flesh to slap against the slimy tiles of a dorm shower. But that cold, damp wall loves to reach out and graze your arm as you stretch to grab your towel. Every. Single. Time. But after a quick rinse with boiling water, you don’t have to think about it for the rest of the day. If you wanted, you could go so far as to pretend that gross shower doesn’t even exist!
Best part is, even after hours of ignoring them, those moistened squares of porcelain have no means to passive aggressively throw shade at you on social media.
9.Everyone in the Dining Hall Applauding After You Drop Something Dramatic
How does an empty plastic cup make so much damn noise? Is that part of the design? Are only the ones you drop loud? Anybody else might be feeling a little self conscious, suddenly being cast into the spotlight and whatnot. But you’re finally being recognized for something, and that’s quite the change of pace.
They’re totally clapping with you.
10. That Pile of Dirty Laundry
It’s crusty. It’s offensive. And it gets worse every single day. Your friends are sick and tired of it always being around, and it seems to be wildly oblivious of its own messiness. And yet for a fistful of quarters you can be finally left in peace to harmoniously lead a happy, confident life without that weight on your shoulders.
Photo Credit: Jeremy Orellana
Now I can’t lie to you, this is a problem that will come back, and there is no permanent fix. But even though it might only be a few days of chaos-free bliss, just remember: that’s a whole lot more happy crammed into a week than you had before.
11. Spilling Something In Your Lap
Hey, it happens. And I know, it’s never your fault. Drinks just have a magical way of leaping from their perspective containers into your lap. That’s actually kind of fun and flirty when you think about it!
12. Spilling Pea Soup In Your Lap
Again? That’s like the fourth time this week. Well, this really is an inconvenience. Better hope for a clean pair of pants at home, because there is just no way around a midday quick change.
But while we’re here in the moment, take a second to feel the warmth slowly spread over your groin and upper thigh areas, because apparently that’s a feeling that just *disappears* after the first few weeks in a relationship.
13. Her Family
Yikes. Too real. Miss you guys :/
14. My GPA
Reynermedia @ flickr.com
Am I reading you the price listed for soda on a vending machine or peering through tear-welled eyes at my current academic standing? At this point, I’m not even sure. What I do know is this: My GPA doesn’t get jealous when I spend time with other numbers that don’t make me feel like human dumpster stuffing.
15. Soggy Cereal
I cannot put soggy cereal in my mouth. I will have an immediate and violent expulsion of my stomach’s contents. It’s revolting. But hey! That bowl of slop can always just be tossed right into the trash!
And now that I think about it, I can’t even remember the last drunk text I got from soggy cereal.
16. Being Startled By A Snake-In-A-Can Prank
Now that your mini heart attack has subsided, perhaps you’re a little perturbed. Understandable. Wait a few more seconds and you might start feeling the slight embarrassment that comes from being had. Wait a few more, and…. aha! There it is! Laughter! Snake-in-a-can pranks are goofy, funny, and always a good time. Shamefully, I’ll admit that for a while I thought I had found something better.
I’m begging you, snake-in-a-can, come back into my life. Please. I’m sorry.
17. Accidentally Blowing A Snot Bubble In Public That At Least Three People And Probably That Kid Who Sits Next To You In Math, Totally Saw
As much as you may not believe me, this situation is actually only as embarrassing as you make it. The way I see it, you just became THAT much more memorable, and probably got a sweet nickname out of it too.
Do you, Bubble Boy.
18. This Drawing Of a Pony I Just Did
Can confirm: better
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