You know that girl from elementary school that played soccer instead of house at recess? The girl from middle school that everyone thought was gay cause she only hung out with dudes in that ever awkward time? The girl from high school everyone called a slut because she was the only one invited to go hang out with their boyfriend's "guy-only" bonfire? Yeah, that was me. And yes, there were always rumors spread about my sexuality for this very reason. Having a solid group of dude-friends is pretty awesome most of the time, like having 5 older brothers who are going to protect you. But it can also be very annoying, and sometimes the differences in gender show their true colors.
If you're a chick who doesn't agree with the phrase "fries before guys" exactly, you'll understand theses problems I face on a weekly basis.
1. Everyone assumes you're a hoe
I know: as soon as any girl says "I hang out with guys, mostly", the first thing that comes to mind is "slut". It must be ridiculous to think that a relationship between any boy and girl can be platonic. But this isn't the third grade: and just because you hang out with guys does not have to mean you are "hooking-up". And saying I prefer the company of males isn't code for "I hook-up a lot" (even though that might also be true, shh)
2. Their girlfriends always hate your guts
No matter how nice you are to them, the girlfriends of your guy friends will want to punch you in the face. Jealous much? But I understand the distrust, I'd hate if my boyfriend were spending more time with another girl, even though it's always in a group setting and I find him repulsive. Not everyone is as attracted to your man as you, sweetie, so don't worry. You are always going to be the object of intense hatred.
3. It's impossible to find shopping pals
"Hey guys, I have to go to the formal next weekend and I have absolutely NOTHING to wear..." "Nope". "Ew no I'm busy". "I hate Forever 21, hell no". *sigh* It's moments like those where you need a gal-pal to tell you what dress would be the cutest/most appropriate for the situation.
4. ....And even if they do come they offer no good advice.
All their moms have been picking out their clothes for them for, hm, upwards of 20 years now. They could care less what they put on their body, so they are baffled that you actually MIGHT take some pride in your appearance and personal style.
5. Their advice in general just sucks, actually.
Whenever you spill your heart out to them about your MIA best friend or your boyfriend who just cheated on you, the best you can hope for is for them to say "Wow, that sucks." Yeah, it does. and that's why I'm telling all of you that. You are out of luck if you are looking for emotional/friendship advice. Girls just have more complex emotions and problems they'll never understand.
6. You better have thick skin.
You are going to get made fun of. A lot. And relentlessly. So if you're sensitive and hate roast-based humor, you are going to end up crying by the end of the frit time you guys all hung out. Eventually, it becomes your sense of humor too, and you were born tougher anyway.
7. They get mad when it takes you longer than 10 minutes to get ready.
I'm sorry: I wasn't blessed with the ability to throw on a shirt and walk out the door. Being a girl means that I have to do my hair, makeup, and spend at least 10 minutes picking out the perfect outfit. If we are going to the bar, assume it will take me an hour MINIMUM, so please plan your pregame accordingly.
8. Other dudes never approach you cause they assume you are dating one of them
Just because I'm here with five guys doesn't mean I don't want you to pass me over. I still could use some attention and a free drink. These guys sure as hell aren't going to hook me up with free beer. Maybe I should wear a giant sign on my neck when I go out letting every know my current romantic availability.
9. Actually, everyone assumes you are dating one of them.
Has anyone ever heard of the word "platonic"? apparently not. Anytime a girl is hanging out with a group of guys, it's assumed that it has to be because one of them is "getting some" from her. It's not like a girl could have a banging personality and make sick movie references. Explaining to family, friends, and random strangers that you two aren't banging can get exhausting.
10. And sometimes, one of them actually is madly in love with you or vice versa.
Nothing gets more uncomfortable than when one friend develops feelings and the other wants to keep the peace. It's inevitable in any friend group with guys and girls someone will misinterpret feelings. But you just have to put them in their place (or get put in your own) and remind each other that you are basically sibling and that would be disgusting. And it would make the group dynamic weird as hell.
11. Having to awkwardly sit there when a conversation about a hot actress comes up.
Sure, you know that girl is pretty, but you had no idea you could say that a thousand times the same way over and over. And you had no idea you could talk about one girl's ass for over 45 minutes. What else is there to say about it? Yeah! It's nice! I'm getting uncomfortable, can we move on?
12. Your boyfriend is always suspicious of all of them.
Even if he acknowledges they are cool, funny, nice guys, he still always hates that you hang out with them all the time. I guess it's kind of nice that he gets jealous, I mean, at least he cares right? but you always have to remind him that if any of them ever made a move, it would be like your brother making a move. which is gross.
13. You always have to remind the waiter that you are paying separately.
Everyone else always assumes you're a couple: so it's natural that service workers do as well. It's always a little awkward when you have to send them back to split the check, though; your guy friend will inevitably end up looking like a d-bag who doesn't pay for his girlfriend.
14. Even though you always have a date to functions, you still have to explain the "friends-only" relationship to friends/relatives.
Even though you always have a date to every wedding, mixer, or formal, it gets annoying trying to explain your "friends-only" status to all the other actual couples there. You're older relatives really just want to see you in a relationship for some reason, so they'll question you till the comes come home, insisting you have feelings or something is going to happen. I think not, but keep dreaming nana.
15. It's assumed that you can't make female friends because you're dramatic.
16. They don't understand your feminine, uhm, problems
17. As much as you try, you just can't up with their drinking habits.
Let's face it: girls and guys are just biologically different. Girls are usually shorter, weigh less, and use different enzymes in their liver to break down liquor. So you often find yourself drinking 6 beers, 3 whiskey sours, and 4 fireball shots just to keep up with them. The problem is you end up hugging a toilet before the game if over.
18. It's like having 5 extra over-protective brothers.
19. You become the official "female translator" whenever they are texting a girl.
20. They try to hard to impress/hit on your girlfriends when they come around.
21. You don't stick to any diet cause they all eat like crap anyway.
Unlike female friends, they never mention "carbs" or "soy" or "vegan options". It's strictly crap they eat: and they can survive off it. So it's almost impossible to shed some pounds when you're consistently eating pizza, chipotle, wings, and anything you'd find on the menu at a hooters.
