To all the wonderful, law-abiding citizens out there: there’s a good chance you’re in violation of City Code. Written here below, you shall find a rough list of laws that are regularly broken throughout the local provinces by both citizens and government officials alike. As far as I can tell, the laws provided for the general health and well-being of the public are as updated as they come. I read through the entire Codified Ordinances of the City of Steubenville (1200 pages) for the second time in my life, just to compile these. I hope you appreciate that.

1. No dyeing baby bunnies pink.505.12 No person shall dye or otherwise color any rabbit or baby poultry, including, but not limited to, chicks and ducklings.

2. You may not keep more than two miniature pigs or miniature goats on your property at any given time.1185.15 Exotic Animal Requirements

3. Basketball hoops are not allowed on streets. 311.01 No person shall place a portable basketball hoop in or upon a street without proper authority.

4. You need a license to have fun. The City of Steubenville requires a license for all forms of amusement, including but not limited to, carnivals, dances, movies, shows and jukeboxes.705.02 No person shall conduct any amusement at any permanent or temporary place of amusement or any itinerant form of amusement within the City without first filing an application for a license therefor with the City Manager. Every application for such license shall be made upon a form prescribed, prepared and furnished by the City Manager.

5. And don’t you dare play that jukebox between the hours of 1:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m. 705.10 No person holding a license under this chapter shall permit the playing of jukeboxes between the hours of 1:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m. of any day, except that holders of night club licenses may permit the playing thereof until 2:30 a.m.

6. You shouldn’t be raising money for charity unless you’ve filed for a permit.747.02 No person shall solicit contributions for any charitable purposes within the City without a permit issued by the City Manager authorizing such solicitation.

7. Tag days are also basically illegal. The following restrictions apply:

747.20 (a) Such organization shall be from Steubenville, Ohio.

(b) No more than fifty-two permits per annum shall be issued by the City Manager and not more than one organization at any one time shall obtain a permit to solicit, with the exception of the Salvation Army during the month of December of each year.

(c) Tag days shall be limited to fifty-two Saturdays per annum between the hours of 9:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m. on streets designated as follows: The corner of 4th and Market Streets; all four corners The corner of 5th and Market Street; all four corners The corner of 4th and Washington Streets; all four corners The corner of Court Alley and Market Street; all four corners The corner of Commercial Alley and Market Street; all four corners

(d) Tag day applications shall be filed by December 31 of each year for permits for the following calendar year, with permits to be issued on a first-come first-serve basis. All permit applications shall be dated and time-stamped as to the order of receipt by the City Manager.

(e) No organization shall have issued to it more than one permit in any one calendar year.

(f) Permits for tag days do not give any organization authority to solicit in or upon any private property without the express consent of the person having control of such property.

(g) A list of assigned days and the organization to whom such day has been assigned shall be posted in the office of the City Manager.

(h) Any organization receiving a tag day permit shall have clearly imprinted upon each tag the name and address of such organization.

(i) No more than twenty persons may solicit funds through the sale or distribution of tags at any one time. (Ord. 1989-3. Passed 2-14-89.)

8. You must have a permit to be a photographer. There is an exemption if you're taking photos for postcards. 751.01 No person shall engage in or follow the business or occupation of photography without first having obtained a certificate of registration therefor from the City Manager. The registration fee for any such person shall be seventy-five dollars ($75.00) per year. (Ord. 1981-22. Passed 3-24-81.)

9. Sidewalk Inspectors are supposed to be making us repair sidewalks. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t seen the sidewalk inspector out lately. 901.08 No owner, agent, lessee or other person who may have a vested or contingent interest in any lot or parcel of ground in the City shall fail to repair the sidewalk or curb which abuts on such lot or parcel of ground after having been notified to do so by either the sidewalk inspector or City Manager, and after having been given ten days to commence the required repairs as specified by the sidewalk inspector or City Manager.

10. Interfering with the City Manager is strictly prohibited. 909.09 No person shall interfere, delay, obstruct or prevent the City Manager in the climbing, cutting, pruning, removing or spraying of any tree or while removing any stone, cement or other substance from the trunk of any tree in any street, highway, public ground or park. (1947 Code, Sec. 6-101.)

11. Throwing out hedge clippings? Might want to measure those first.951.05 Tree trimmings, hedge clippings and similar material shall be cut to lengths of not more than four feet and securely tied in bundles of not more than two feet in thickness.

12. Citizens are expected to provide their own trash cans that meet certain requirements. The City of Steubenville is not only providing new trash cans, but they happen to be three times the size allowed by City Code. 951.06 Refuse containers shall be provided by each person occupying a dwelling unit. Such refuse containers shall have a capacity of not more than thirty gallons and shall have a combined weight of container and contents of not more than fifty pounds.

13. Dumpster diving is actually illegal. I realize that’s hard for some of us to accept… 951.15 No person, without having first obtained written consent of the owner, tenant, lessee or occupant of any dwelling unit shall remove or carry away any rubbish from any solid waste receptacle unless he has the consent of the owner, tenant, lessee or occupant of the dwelling to do so.

14. The City Marina closes at 10:00 p.m. I believe they even have a sign posted.955.01 A curfew of 10:00 p.m. for the Marina Site is hereby established.

15. The Adult Bookstore on Sixth Street isn’t allowed there. Unfortunately, I can’t link to a zoning map to prove that section of town is NOT a Heavy Industrial District, but even so, the building is located within five hundred feet of an apartment building, which is also illegal. The business can’t be “grandfathered” in either (see 1191.04).

1185.13 Sexually oriented businesses shall be permitted only in the "I-3" Heavy Industrial District, subject to the following standards and criteria:

(a) Any "sexually oriented business" shall not be located within five hundred (500) feet of any residential lot or district, church, school, park or playground, library, governmental building, shopping center, theater, restaurant or other use or activity where large numbers of children and families travel or congregate.

(b) All buildings or structures shall comply with the City Building Code and all applicable health and safety regulations.

(c) Off-street parking shall be provided in accordance with the provisions of this chapter, using the schedule for retail businesses and personal services without drive-in facilities, and including provisions for drainage, surfacing, access points, parking space dimensions, screening and landscaping.

(d) Signs shall be in accordance with the provisions of this chapter, and buildings and other structures on the premises shall not be painted in garish colors or such other fashion as will effectuate the same purpose of a sign.

(e) The interior of the building(s) shall be adequately lighted and constructed so that every portion thereof is readily visible to the clerk or other personnel from the counter or other regular station of business.

(f) Advertisements, displays, or other promotional materials shall not be shown or exhibited so as to be visible to the public, from pedestrian sidewalks or walkways, or from other areas public or semi-public; and such displays shall be considered signs.

(g) No other sexually oriented business shall locate within one thousand (1,000) feet of an existing or proposed similar establishment.

16. You can’t have a garage/yard sale every day. I guess you better start looking for a real job soon. 1185.07 Garage and yard sales may be conducted accessory to a dwelling unit in any residential district in compliance with the following standards:

(a) Not more than two (2) garage or yard sales may be conducted at a residence in any one year period.

(b) No garage or yard sale shall commence prior to 7:00 A.M. or continue after 7:00 P.M. prevailing time.

17. Gravel parking lots are illegal, which means Grant school parking lot is in violation of off-street parking regulations. As is the City Police Dept. parking lot. Interesting.

1185.14 (a) General Regulations:

(1) Areas which may be computed as off-street parking spaces include any private garage, carport or other area available exclusively for the parking of motor vehicles and located off the public right-of-way. A driveway within a required front yard of a single- family detached dwelling or single-family semi- detached dwelling may count as two (2) parking spaces.

(2) Each parking space shall consist of not less than one hundred sixty-two (162) square feet of usable area for each vehicle. The net parking space per vehicle shall not be less than nine (9) feet wide and eighteen (18) feet long. Outdoor parking area shall not satisfy any open space requirements on the lot on which it is located. 2007 Replacement 203 Supplementary Regulations 1185.14

(3) All off-street parking areas shall be graded for proper drainage and shall be constructed with a cement concrete or bituminous concrete surface so as to provide a parking area free from dust, mud or standing water. Parking spaces shall be so arranged so as to provide for the orderly and safe parking of vehicles.

(4) Lighting used to illuminate any off-street parking area shall be so arranged as to reflect away from adjacent residential lots and public rights-of-way.

(5) All off-street parking areas which provide more than five (5) parking spaces and all off-street loading and unloading areas which abut a residential lot shall be equipped with screening as defined in this Zoning Code.

(6) No off-street parking area shall be closer than three (3) feet to the principal building or any side or rear lot line for multi-family residential, commercial or industrial uses. Landscaping and planting strips shall be provided along all public rights-of-way in accordance with an approved Landscaping Plan as provided for in section 1185.11 of this chapter.

18. You can’t just abandon that old fridge. Have a little respect and take the door off first.Sec. 307.2.2 Refrigerators and similar equipment not in operation shall not be discarded, abandoned or stored on premises without first removing the doors. All owners or persons in charge of property must also comply with Section 521.01 of the General Offenses Code concerning discarded, abandoned or stored refrigerators.