After suffering almost two full years at Clemson, I've compiled a list as to why you should NOT attend Clemson University. Please heed my warnings and run for the hills. Do NOT come to Clemson for the following reasons:

1. The weather

Who wants sunny 70 degree days in January and February? No one. That’s who.

2. The sports

Clemson’s sports teams aren’t even that good. National Champions? Big deal.

3. The campus

One of the safest campuses in America? Who cares?

4. The town

Everyone is seriously disgustingly nice. It makes me sick.

5. The lake

Seriously, who wants a beach on their campus and access to kayaking and paddle boarding? Lame.

6. The Blue Ridge Mountains

Who wants a view of the mountains when walking to and from class and while downtown? Not this girl.

7. The academics

The 23rd best public university? Not even that great. The 66th best university nationally? Laughable.

8. The faculty

Don’t even get me started on the professors. None of them have a close relationship with their students. They don't want to help their students succeed. They won't do anything to help students with their futures! Sad!

9. Dabo Swinney

Honestly, he's a terrible guy who never does anything for the school. He clearly hates Clemson.

10. Everything is green

Seriously, how many fields and trees does one campus need?

11. The sunsets

Orange and purple sunsets every day? Yeah, no thanks.

12. The South Carolina Botanical Gardens

Again with the green-ness and the trees? Does this college even have academic buildings? Honestly.

13. The proximity to national parks and waterfalls

Just minutes from nature and hiking trails with unmatched views? Puke.

14. The school spirit

You’re telling me that everyone loves this school more than anything? Doubt it. Everyone wears orange on Fridays and goes all out for every sporting event? Even more unlikely.

15. Students pack the stadium

Clemson is only ranked fifth for the ability to pack the stadium for football games to watch the most exciting 25 seconds of college football. That’s pathetic.

16. Happy students

Ranked number 11 for having the happiest students? What a total lie.

17. Town to gown relations

If you want a job straight out of college, you probably won’t if you go to Clemson.

18. Clemson Family

Honestly, being surrounded by people who love their school/ alma mater is horrifying. Everyone is extremely proud they attend(ed) Clemson. Ew.

Clearly there are so many reasons not to attend Clemson University. Doesn’t it seem horrible?

*If you couldn’t tell by now, this was completely satire and I mean the complete opposite of every single statement I've made. Honestly, Clemson is the best! If I had to do it all over again, I would choose Clemson 10 times out of 10.