Ah, 18. That magical age that the government arbitrarily decided would constitute adulthood (even though the human brain isn’t fully developed until you’re 25). I just turned 18 last week, and I have to say, there are some pretty cool things I can do now that I couldn’t before. Here’s a list of awesome things you can do once you’re 18.
1. You can buy a lottery ticket.
If you’ve ever wanted to spend all your money on 1 in a million odds of winning, now’s your chance. And in the small chance that you actually win money, you know what you should do? Spend it on more lottery tickets!
2. You can buy cigarettes.
You can now legally purchase cigarettes and tobacco, and no one can prevent you from smoking six packs a day if you so choose. Smoke on!
3. You can vote.
Even if you couldn’t vote on Doomsday 2016, you can now. Just be warned, you’ll soon learn that your vote doesn’t actually matter, because 200 years ago some old dudes created a system called the Electoral College that trumps the popular vote.
4. You can get a tattoo.
If you’ve ever wanted to get a permanent design inked on your skin via a needle, now’s your chance. You no longer need parental permission to do such a thing!
5. You can get a piercing.
If you’re looking to try something adventurous, get your belly button or your tongue pierced. It will hurt a lot and could cause some problems with your taste buds, but hey, you’re an adult - you can make your own decisions. You can get piercings without parental consent now, so you can even get your whole body pierced, if you’d like!
6. You can be tried as an adult and go to jail.
If you’ve ever wanted to experience what people on cop shows and Orange is the New Black go through, now’s your chance! You can be tried as an adult for any crime and you could even go to jail! Get ready to wear one of those snazzy orange jumpsuits!
7. You can get married.
If you’re looking to marry your high school sweetheart whom you’ve been dating for a month, now you can! It’s totally legal to get married once you’re 18, so I hope you’ve started looking for wedding dresses.
8. You can adopt a child.
Once you’ve married said high school sweetheart, and you’re looking to expand your little family, consider adopting a child! Once you’re 18, you can adopt a child and raise it on your own.
9. You can buy a house or lease an apartment.
Need a place to live? Well, once you’re 18, you can buy a house and live there! You’re even allowed to take out a giant loan from the bank to afford this house, which would be totally worth it if it was a nice house in the suburbs.
10. You can sue people.
Now you can pull a Donald Trump and sue people that you don’t like or people that disagree with you. Suing people is a great way to make a lot of money.
11. You can sign your own legal documents.
Now you can enter into binding legal contracts completely on your own volition. Just watch out for people like Ursula from The Little Mermaid - those kinds of contracts can be dangerous.
12. You can get a credit card.
If you’re tired of always spending your parents’ money, or seeing the number in your bank account get lower and lower, get a credit card (which you’re now able to do since you’re an adult). That way, you can buy whatever it is your heart desires, and the money in your bank account will remain untouched!
13. You can drive a car at whatever hour you’d like, with as many people as your car can fit.
This may not seem like such a big deal (and it may not even be a law everywhere, but in Virginia, at least, it is), but now you have the freedom to drive legally between midnight and 4! So for those days when you’re out partying really late, when you used to be unable to drive yourself home at 2:00 in the morning, fear no more, because legal curfews don’t apply to you anymore.
14. You can go skydiving or bungee jumping by yourself.
If you’ve ever wanted to risk your life by jumping out of an airplane or off of a bridge, now you can. Feel free to make all the risky decisions you want - the only downside is having too much fun (and possibly dying)!
15. You can serve on a jury.
Now that you’re legal, you can be summoned for jury duty, which is a lot of fun, because you get to wake up really early in the morning to go to court and be questioned by attorneys, only to not be picked for the actual jury and go home without seeing a real case.
16. You can get a full-time job.
If this whole “college” thing isn’t working out for you, consider dropping out and getting a job. Now you’re allowed to work a full-time job, which means a lot more money than you’ve been earning before. So what’s the point of spending lots of money on a college education when you can get a full-time job now?
17. You can buy a gun or other dangerous weapon.
Congratulations! As an adult, you can now purchase semi-automatic weapons that should only really be used for combat. It’s so easy to purchase a gun that you should have no problem obtaining a killing machine - you can even buy more than one, if you so choose.
18. You can change your name.
Finally, if you don’t like the name your parents gave you, or you’re looking to make your name a little bit more interesting, fear not, because once you turn 18 you can do just that. You could even take a page out of Phoebe Buffay’s book and change your name to Princess Consuela Bananahammock. Or you could change it to a symbol, like Prince once did. The possibilities are endless.
This list includes just a few of the many cool things you can do once you reach that arbitrary age that constitutes adulthood. But don’t forget, you can’t drink alcohol until you’re 21, because you’re not responsible enough yet.
