I’m sure many of you have heard the phrase “but I’m a nice guy” come out of a man’s mouth before, whether it was a friend, relative or complete stranger. This phrase is incredibly annoying, mostly due to the fact that if you have to explain to someone that you’re a nice person, you probably aren’t that nice. I recently found an article titled “17 Sweet Things Guys Do That You Don’t Even Notice.” As you can probably guess, none of them are that sweet, and definitely don’t garner writing an article about. So, without further ado, here is my dissection of this so-called sweet article.

1. Putting the toilet seat down.

I can understand that this can be slightly annoying for men. But doing it out of common courtesy is not sweet. It’s just that—common courtesy.

2. Walking on the outside of the street.

This antiquated form of chivalry actually CAN be considered sweet. But your frail human body is useless in shielding us against an oncoming car, so really, the thought doesn’t count.

3. Staying up way too late texting you.

Look, buddy, odds are we want to go to bed just as much as you do. We are also thinking “Oh my god, just let me go to bed. I’m so tired. Please stop talking.”

4. Holding you when you're having a bad dream.

We most likely don’t remember this, so really there’s not a point in doing it. Perhaps it makes you feel as if you’re the one scaring the bad dreams away, so keep doing you, I guess.

5. Trying to impress you with poorly thought-out feats of strength.

Boasts of masculinity can get really old, really fast. The best way to prove your manliness is to embrace who you are, not throw out your back.

6. Volunteering to pay even though he's kind of broke right now.

The idea that the man has to pay for dates is another antiquated form of chivalry. Yes, it’s nice not having to pay for things, but if you want to go dutch, just say so. We’re big girls. We can handle it.

7. PDA.

Hey man, if you don’t want to kiss me, then don’t. Your loss.

8. Taking mental notes on things you like.

Don’t you just love it when your significant other actually listens to the words that come out of your mouth? And then remembers them? I feel so lucky. Ugh, bae goals.

9. Joining your betting pool for "The Bachelor" instead of making fun of it.

We enjoy it when you take an interest in (or at least pretend to be interested in) the things we like. That's sort of part of a relationship.

10. Not pulling all the blankets back over to his side in the middle of the night.

Thanks, but get your own damn blanket if it’s that big of a deal.

11. Carrying your purse when your hands are full.

It is a well-known fact that a real man will spontaneously combust if he so much as looks at a woman’s purse. Real men are also not allowed to cry or dislike sports.

12. Putting his arm around you when a skeezy guy approaches the bar.

If there is a guy who is being extra creepy toward us, then yes, thank you for this. But if your definition of skeezy is any guy who walks within a three foot radius of us, then this is more of a nuisance.

13. Saving a plate of food or picking up takeout when you have to work late.

The explanation for this literally says, “It’s sweet when he thinks of you.” Also, this is something we definitely notice! We’re human! We love anyone who buys us food!

14. Putting on the cologne he knows you like when you have a date night.

Buddy, you’re doing this so you have a better chance of getting laid. And we know. Don’t act like you don’t know we know either.

15. Setting you up with OnePassword so your passwords aren't all "soccer12345."

My passwords are fine. Leave me alone.

16. Color-coding the remotes for you because he and only he understands what they're all for.

This is not too relatable, as I'm starting to think the original author had a falling out with his girlfriend before he wrote this.

17. Cleaning up his beard stubble.

Scratchy face can be annoying, so thank you for shaving. But if you're so against it, then don't shave. Your body, your choice. Women are kind of down with that whole thing.

One can argue that these things ARE sweet, which isn't a bad argument. The thing is, women DO notice these things. We might not compliment you every time you do something on this list, but that's because you don't get a medal for "being nice." Typically, if you like someone, you're nice to them because you like them. Not because you think it'll get you a pat on the back.