1. The metropolitan location
Who would want to live in a thriving city with the Galleria shopping center (too many stores to look through), countless museums and vivacious nightlife? Yuck.
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2. Nationally renowned football team
Too many screaming fans, too many points being scored. Who needs bragging rights? Not I.
3. Late night food trucks
Waffle sandwiches, kimchi fries and bacon cheeseburgers? It will ruin your diet. Plus, who wants to go outside from 11 p.m. to 3 a.m. anyway? If you get the study munchies, just have some of that ramen you had for lunch. And dinner. No biggie.
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4. Brand new College of the Arts
Why not just bunch in the Arts people with the Liberal Arts/Social Sciences majors? Why do they absolutely NEED a college designed for their specific needs? Seems like they're giving them special attention if you ask me.
5. Beautiful, tree-filled campus
Trees=leaves. Leaves=fall off. Falling leaves=mess.
6. University Center South (Student Center)
College students are already broke enough. The convenient dining locations such as Chick Fil A, Panda Express and McDonald's don't help my wallet. Also, who needs an on-campus bookstore? I'd rather drive in Houston rush hour traffic to a bookstore or pay a trillion dollars to ship my textbooks to me. 
7. Free movie screenings at the UC South Theatre
I don't have money for food, but I can DEFINITELY afford to pay for movie tickets to see La La Land. Convenience is of no importance.
8. M.D. Anderson Library
Having a quiet place to study during finals? Overrated. Also, too many bookshelves to browse through. SO time consuming.
9. Tailgating
This goes along with the whole football team. It's noisy, makes a mess, and people just have way too much fun.
10. The Bleacher Creatures
For those of you who don't know, the Bleacher Creatures are an Honors organization that basically paints their chests up for every football game. The amount of school spirit is just terrible and you're at risk for sunburns. Plus, that paint is hard to get off.
11. Dr. Renu Khator
Dr. Khator is the President of our University as well as the Chancellor of the University of Houston System. She cares a little too much about her job if you ask me. Plus, she actually cares about the students and bettering the university. Who could ever want that?
12. Second most ethnically diverse major research university in the United States
Meeting people from all over the world isn't very interesting at all. Plus being exposed to every kind of culture there is won't help you build ay knowledge whatsoever.
13. The Blaffer Art Museum
On top of all the museums found in Downtown Houston, the University of Houston has its own art museum on campus. It has new exhibitions every couple of weeks. Honestly though, who has the time to go see a mind boggling exhibit with pieces using every day household furnishings to depict murder and tragedy? I'd rather work on homework.
14. Friendly squirrels
I think crazy, rabid squirrels would make for a much better story.
15. Shasta, our mascot
He's too hype at games and makes everyone scream too loud. Can you say attention seeker?
16. Beautiful sculptures around campus
Art should be indoors. Why would anyone want to look at beautiful pieces of art on their way to class?
17. On Fridays, we wear Red
Are we in a bad recreation of Mean Girls??
I'm sure all of the evidence I've presented is going to ensure that you cross off the University of Houston from your list of prospective colleges. All negativity aside, I wish you the best of luck in your search for the perfect college.
