Being able to get lost is an art. And for some people, myself included, being lost is a permanent state of existence. Unfortunately, getting lost is not quite as much fun as the inspirational quotes suggest. So in celebration of all the lost people in the world and for all the people who will never understand that we are not exaggerating, here are 17 things all perpetually lost people understand.
1. When people start to give you directions and use only road names.
"I am sure that you are giving great directions, and I know I know that road name, but which road is that again?
2. When you have perfected the U-turn.
"Oh, missed my turn, again."
3. You may have lived in the same area your entire life, but still cannot remember the road names.
Look, as long as I can get to the local Walmart, does it matter if I know the names of the roads I used to get there?
4. When someone tries to convince you to take the "short cut."
Well, I'm sure your short cut saves you a lot of time, but after I get lost and un-lost on this short cut, I might as well have taken my normal route.
5. Having a GPS does not ensure you will not get lost.
This can be either attributed to your ability to be distracted by your thoughts, the weird things other people are doing in their cars and the sights on the side of the road, or your inability to follow directions. Plus, you swear Google Maps cannot be right all the time.
6. When people ask you for directions without realizing your ability to get lost.
And you want to sound competent and like an adult, so you try to explain how to get there. But it usually sounds like, "Well start going that way, and then take a turn at the CVS, and then, wait, maybe. Never mind, let me get someone else."
7. When your passengers give you directions and you still go the wrong way.
Look! It's not my fault I always take a right at this intersection. I just forgot we had to go a different way this time.
8. When you always have to leave 10 minutes earlier to allow time to get lost.
Make that 20 minutes if it is a place you've never been before.
9. When you finally drive home from your new job without getting lost or using the GPS.
You literally deserve a medal for this.
10. The dread that accompanies a detour.
The one time I knew where I was going, and now I have to take an entirely different route.
11. When it gets dark and the roads don't look the same anymore.
I know where I'm at, but I'm not really sure where I am at.
12. You definitely know which way is left or right, but there isn't enough time to think about it.
And if you can figure out where the sun is, you can probably decide which cardinal direction you are headed as well. Probably.
13. When you turn on a road and think, "Oh yeah, this looks familiar."
But then a few miles down the road you think, "Nope, nope. Just kidding. This isn't what I thought it was."
15. When people ask you if you know where something is.
I actually don't, but if you try to explain it to me, I still won't know. So for the sake of your story, I'll just pretend to know where that is.
16. When you give in, stop using your brain power to sing music and turn the radio down.
17. And your favorite quote, "Not all who wander are lost."
Except you're probably lost.
