This year I made some very typical New Year’s resolutions to y’know “eat better” and “workout more” even though my habits from 2016 regarding eating and fitness were both considerably very healthy. No, I didn’t start off the new year with a bang, I actually slept most of New Year’s Day. So, while maybe many individuals are out there sharing or preaching their new and improved lifestyles, I wish to share with you some incredibly stupid jokes. Why? Because why the hell not. Blame it on my childish humor and love for simplicity, but I’m a huge fan of ridiculously dumb word play. My gift to the travelers of the internet is the shared gift of stupidity. Cherish this gift, maybe re-gift it if y’all know what’s good. So now… without further ado… I give to you… some elementary school (maybe middle school) level jokes.

(Brief disclaimer! Obviously, my ass didn’t come up with these jokes, so no credit to me in regards to their creation or anything. However, given the level of immaturity and utter dumbness of them all, I do not remember where or how I was introduced to them. To be honest, I have a lil list goin' of all these jokes in my notes on my phone.)

....So now! (Again) I give to you 17 of my favorite jokes for you to start with for your 2017!

1. What's a nosey pepper do?

Get jalapeno business.

2. Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar?

Yeah, both of ‘em got 6 months.

3. What did the janitor yell when he jumped out of the closet?

“Supplies!”

4. How do fish get high?

Seaweed.

5. What car did Jesus drive?

A Chrysler.

6. Why aren’t fisherman generous?

Because their job makes ‘em sell fish.

7. How come oysters don’t donate to charity?

Cuz they’re shellfish.

8. How do you make antifreeze?

Take her jacket.

9. What did one deoxyribonucleic acid say to the other?

“Do these genes make me look fat?”

10. Two silk worms had a race…

…It ended up a tie.

11. What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

Snowballs.

12. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches?

Because then it’d be a foot.

13. What is a zebra?

26 sizes larger than an “A” bra.

14. What did the fish say when he hit the wall?

“Dam.”

15. What day of the year tells people to go forward?

March 4^th.

16. What did the coach say to his team of snakes?

You can’t venom all.

17. What’s a cow eating grass?

A lawn mooer.

And those are 17 of my favorite jokes to kick off 2017!!! Share 'em round to share the New Year cheer!!