Commentary courtesy of a friend in my Psychology class:
1. Snow.
20th Century Fox
""Possibly snowmen, but snow in general. Legit, some Aussies never get to see snow EVER.
2. Ice skating.
USA Today
Get into the Christmas spirt watching people falling on their asses on a crisp night?! "Sign us up"!
3. Or going sledding in your backyard.
Buena Vista Pictures
"I guess a slip ‘n slide is sorta the same thing. Just a LOT warmer".
4. Ugly sweaters.
NBC
"Ironic Christmas attire should be experienced". Can we please have this without all the disgusting sweat? “Ugly Christmas singlets” just doesn’t have the same ring to it".
5. Getting snug in your winter warms.
Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer
"Christmas scarves, gloves, booties and beanies are SO cute, but fuckin’ useless in the Aussie heat".
6. Pies.
NBC
"Yes, the mighty pav is damn delicious but… all those holiday pies look so damn good. Pumpkin, pecan, apple. please". PIE-LEASE.
7. Chilling by the fireplace.
MGM
"The only place we’re chilling is the beer fridge at the bottle-o".
8. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
ABC
"Do people actually do this?! Because that’s just how we describe our ‘nads on a scorching summer’s day".
9. And a culture of making out under mistletoe.
Universal Pictures
"We want to pash too".
10. Eggnog.
ABC
"We just want to enjoy an authentic eggy boozy beverage without sending temperatures through the roof".
11. Relatable Christmas movies.
New Line Cinema
"Just ONCE we’d love a summery Christmas movie we could relate to. Quit it with this winter wonderland BS".
12. And appropriately-timed TV episodes.
NBC
"We’re sick to the tits of watching another Christmas episode where it’s snowy and they’re having a crack under the mistletoe. FOMO to the max".
13. Real Christmas trees.
CBS
"It’s definitely possible to get real Christmas trees Down Under, but it’s never like it is in the movies. Going to a tree farm and buying the best snow-kissed, pine-scented treasure? Nah. Kmart has one for $15".
14. Elf on the Shelf.
"We want it, but we have A LOT of questions. Specifically: “HUH?! What is this? Why do you do it?”
15. Decent local Christmas carols.
"Have you heard Australian Christmas carols?! They’re complete turds. “Dashing through the bush…” NO.THANK. YOU".
16. Carol singers.
StudioCanal
"People just… show up at your door and sing to you? Do they take requests? “I’ll give you five bucks if you sing Drake, carol singers!”
"And worst of all, we’re stuck with views like this."
What a friggin' tragedy...thanks, friend.
