We all have that one friend who will get drunk and tweet things that they, at the time, think are fairly deep and philosophical. A few too many cold ones over the weekend and they feel as though they have — through deep thought — stumbled upon some universal truth that speaks about the human condition and they feel the need to share it with the world. These people are often referred to affectionately as the "twitter philosophers." Celebrities are no different and sometimes are prone to their own odd tweets that, to them, seem very thoughtful. But to everyone else, it seems more confusing than enlightening. The MVP of this condition is America's favorite "famous by association son-of-a-movie-star" Jaden Smith. Jaden has embarked on his new quest to be the misunderstood child star that never actually starred in anything good (looking at you, After Earth). His twitter is full of these philosophical gems — here are 16 of the best:
You may have heard of this in some conspiracy theory that says babies are indeed brilliant when first born, but somehow, they lose this vast intelligence once their memory kicks in. Everything before that time, when they don't remember stuff, was in their "genius phase." Upon further examination, you realize Jaden just blatantly stole this nugget of "knowledge" from that atrocious 90's flick Baby Geniuses.
A bit of a head-scratcher... Maybe it's just a hobby; instead of building those little Popsicle stick towers, he builds pyramids. Or possibly it's a metaphorical reference to constantly touting his own achievements. The Pharaohs constructed pyramids as testament to their own "greatness" in somehow happening to be born to people that already ruled Egypt, very similar to his own life story in being born to a man that was already very famous.
Another interesting thought here from Mr. Smith. My only question is, what we should do about all the illegal aliens not born on this planet? You know, all the guys here from Mars and such? Do we deport them or grant them planetary amnesty? I think he's missing the big picture here. Also, it is their, not there.
I actually really like this one. Jaden seems to be channeling his inner Bill Nye. This generation is too worried about the exterior; when in reality, it's what's on the inside that counts. A couple billion new cells every few years can do a lot for people. What a positive message from this young man.
My immediate reactions (in chronological order):
1) Jaden Smith has a multicultural group of friends. I dig that.
2) His caps lock key must be broken or something because it keeps turning on after every time he hits the space bar. Damn, that must be frustrating.
3) Jaden Smith has an extremely advanced mind and enjoys reading books on his birthday.
4) Jaden Smith ages in dog years and turned 15 shortly after his second human birthday, so that means he is actually a whopping 105 years old. Impressive.
*turns on morning news*
"That's right folks we've got a high of 76 with and with the cold front moving in we're looking at a 100% chance of Jaden Smith not spell-checking his tweets."
First, it seems as though the "period" key on his keyboard has also gone by the wayside, or maybe he missed the lesson about run-on sentences. Second, this is complete bullsh*t. There is no way anyone with firsthand experience of having alcohol actually in their eyes would ever say it's the same as water. That's just a ridiculous statement to make.
There's a lot of possibilities here. It has a great message. The environment is something that needs to be protected, and animal extinctions are a big problem. I just can't seem to get over the word "bin." Could it be an intelligent metaphor for his disappointment in the world's throw-away culture? Or was it perhaps just another example of the heinous grammatical errors that seem to be ever-present throughout his twitter account?
Well, at least, now we know he's doing it on purpose....
The usage of the word "bae" in any non-sarcastic context has always, and will always, disgusted me, and it needs to stop immediately. In an unrelated note, for all the guys still trying to pick up that one cute, nerdy, dresses-like-a-sexy-librarian girl from your (insert science course here) class--this might be a good line to keep in your back pocket (....just saying).
This one is actually quite interesting. His tweets are funny, but in more of a spiritual way. His spirit is far too advanced to still find physical humor funny. A quick review of his own Twitter caused the mere thought of himself to laugh. He was, at one time, both laughing and not laughing at his own tweets. Oh, you don't understand? You must be too caught up in social constructs to elevate your mind to this level of humor.
This wasn't really a revelation of some deep universal truth; I just thought it was funny.
But yes, Jaden, ya do bud. And so does your atrocious grammar.
Now this tweet......okay, no, this one's legit. We've all been there and if you say you haven't you're a liar.
I think the real question is how do you know what mirrors are if your eyes aren't real...? And then the next real question is how in the hell this garbage has 33.9k retweets.... How did almost 34,000 different people sit there, look at their phones, open up Twitter, read this tweet and think to themselves "Yes, what a great point this is, better retweet it"?!
No. No, they aren't. Most trees are different shades of brown with green leaves, or depending on the time of year, and the climate of the area in which the tree is located, they can be red, maybe orange, a few yellowish tones, pink, maybe a purple color. As a matter of fact, the only color trees never are is blue. Great job.
Okay, wait, this actually explains a lot. Actually, this tweet alone explains this entire article.
(all photos from Jaden Smith's Twitter account)
