2016 has been a rough year filled with temporary circumstances, confusion, clowns, and crappy presidential candidates. For me, it has been an absolute roller-coaster of lessons and though some of said lessons were tough to learn, I'm so glad I did. I've had to grow up a lot this year; I graduated high-school, I moved across the country from my beloved Indiana to the cold and beautiful state of Alaska, and landed most people's dream job. However, I'm still young and lost, as most of us are. Thankfully, this year has given me a little insight on how to roll with the punches. There are sixteen major lessons I've taken hold of these past ten months, so here is the truth, from me to you.
16. Friendships are ever-changing
Friends come and go, usually when it's convenient for them. Sometimes though, you're lucky enough to find one or two people that come and go without missing a beat. Nothing changes between you, especially the late night wine and whine sessions. Unfortunately though, we all go our separate ways eventually. We move, get married, have kids. Before you know it, it's been months, or years since you've spoken. Those once "best friends" are now just acquaintances, but just because they aren't with you all the time now doesn't mean they aren't just a call away.
15. Serious relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be
"I want to find someone whos madly in love with me and we can move in together and he will propose in the most romantic way and we will have a small intimate wedding with our golden retriever as the ring bearer and we will live happily with two kids and grow old together. I can't wait for it! I hate being lonely." Sure, that's a great concept, but far from reality. Really though, it's amazing!... At least for the first few months. Then you are with them 24/7 and they see you with long leg and armpit hairs because you don't get "date prep" time. Neither of you get to starfish in bed anymore and forget cuddling, that's even worse! Head on his chest? More like broken neck in the morning. Spooning? Hello dead arm. And NEVER having alone time. Arguing about what movie to rent, about what to have for dinner, every time you shower the faint sound of each other on the toilet interrupts your moment of solitude. Forget romance because once you're cuddling after a romantic evening and a fart slips out, its ruined. Still, you learn to love those quirks. It's just nothing like what you sign up for.
14. Your mom is your best friend... no really
Can't stress this one enough. She is the one who always has your back, even when you don't deserve it and the only one you can always count on. Whether you're 4,000 miles away or 2 blocks, she is always the one that will be by your side. Don't take her for granted.
13. The true meaning of "I don't have money"
More like "I have $1,200.43, but rent is due Monday, my electric and water bill will be here on the 17th, my phone runs out of data at midnight, my medicine needs refilled, and both my fridge and gas tank are empty." So you have money, you just can't spend your money. Basically your best bet is to think rich but spend like you're poor.
12. Animals are important
My dog has been there for me more than people have. So have my bunnies and more stray animals have made me smile than friends have. Save a kitten. Feed a starving dog. Throw bread out for the neighborhood raccoon. Let your dog lick your plate when you're done. Volunteer at a shelter. They depend on you, so don't let them down. Nothing is worse than when an animal gives you nothing but love and someone neglects to return the favor.
11. The world is red
Angry people rule the earth. On the roads, in a restaurant, on social media. They are everywhere. No matter what you say, think, do, or believe, it will make someone mad. Those people will never be happy and it's not up to you to try to change to suit their preferences. Let them be angry in order to let yourself be happy.
10. Lamb is disgusting
I stayed with my in-laws this past March. I come from a family where meatloaf (which was mostly bread and ketchup) and corn on the cob slathered with butter was fine dining. My in-laws on the other hand are no strangers to curry, Hungarian beef stew, and most importantly lamb eggrolls. Now, this was an exotic experience to begin with but when I took a bite of that lamb eggroll it took everything in me not to choke it up and beg for some spaghettios and hot dogs. Lamb is NOT for me. If you've never had it, give it a try. Let me know the results. (BTW, my mother in law is very good at cooking, lamb is just not good at being delicious).
9. "We see in others what we know best about ourselves"
My best friends mother told me this many years ago. I carry it with me to this day. Not until recently did I fully understand it. Go ahead and think about someone you don't like. Why is it that you don't like them? Now what is a good unredeemable quality about yourself? Ahhh, there it is.
8. Don't let yourself be silenced
Sing in the car and I mean belt it! Dance in the middle of a store if your favorite song comes on. Tell someone if they hurt your feelings. Laugh at a joke that everyone else thinks is stupid if you think its funny. Ramble about your favorite t.v. show or book. DO NOT let anyone tell you that you're annoying or that you need to grow up because they're just robbing you of the tiny joys you relish in. Speak louder when you're told to quiet down.
7. Reality is terrifying
Books, movies, songs; they all tell a story. What we are doing is a story and it's the real one. You get rejected by your crush, sometimes you really aren't smart enough to get into the school of your dreams, and sometimes people die. Sometimes, our dreams don't come true and I don't know about you, but that's the scariest thing I've ever known.
6. Be irresponsible whenever you can
If you don't yet, soon you will have bills. You'll always have someone to answer to. You'll have to have a job and possibly tiny people's lives in your hands. So stay up too late when you can. Buy dinner somewhere nice with that $20 you have instead of buying three days of groceries. The infrequent indulgement is necessary.
5. You really don't want to grow up kids
Nap time, snack time, mom doing my laundry, pantry full of snack food, help with homework, seeing my friends every day at school, free rides from my parents, no bills, and not a care in the world. Oh, how I miss those days. I'd do anything to go back, even though my entire childhood I was praying I'd wake up and miraculously be an adult. Be careful what you wish for.
4. Regret nothing
I've lost a lot. My best friend has lost a lot. My fiancé has lost a lot. My mother has certainly lost a lot. You have lost a lot. But, be happy that those changes took place. Don't wish you hadn't moved out so soon. Don't regret staying at a crappy job longer than you should have. Don't regret dating someone who took advantage of how wonderful you were. Take it and learn from it and be proud of who those mistakes made you.
3. Cherish your best friend
When I'm upset, I don't need anyone but her. Not my partner, my mother, or my dog. I need my best friend. I need her to make me laugh. I can't recall how many times she has saved my butt or built me up when I was broken down. I need her and I cherish every day that I can still call her a friend. Everyone needs someone like that, never let go of someone like that.
2. Take risks... a lot
Is a quarter of a tank going to get me there? We'll see. Am I making the right choice? Maybe I should reconsider. Don't ever keep yourself from experiencing something amazing because of a "what-if?" Take the jump and plunge into the unknown with full confindence that no matter what happens, it'll all turn out okay. It would be ashame to miss an aurora because you were too busy scoping for a bear that might appear and could possibly eat you.
1. Respect yourself
If I could drill any of these things into your head, it would be this one. This is the number one lesson of not this year, but of my life so far. You can NOT please everyone. You will disappoint people; quite often I might add. However, never, ever, ever let them change your mind for you. Do not let other people tell you who to be or how to live. Don't let your parents pressure you to go to a certain school, get a certain job, or give them grandkids. Don't let friends pressure you to live with them or do something you're uncomfortable with. Don't let your partner make you feel obligated to do something because it will make them happy. Never let someone else's happiness determine yours. Respect yourself enough to be exactly who you are. Respect yourself enough to put your own happiness first. You are living for yourself, not your family, your partner, your friends, or your boss. Respect yourself. I will say it over and over again: Respect yourself enough to do whatever you want or need to do.
