Being in a same-sex relationship in 2017 comes with its ups and downs. Although the stigma against gay couples has started to dwindle, we still find it hard to assimilate in a heteronormative world. Often, we feel like we need to hide ourselves, keeping our relationships behind closed doors. When we break out of these restrictions, we are reminded of just how different we are. Here are some microaggressions Ryan and I face as a gay couple:

1. "Where are your girlfriends?"

Narnia.

This is awkward for everyone. Having to come out and explain that we are actually dating each other is embarrassing.

2. "How's your friend doing?"

There is nothing worse than having your significant other be referred to as your "friend." Calling my boyfriend my "friend" is demeaning. It removes the fact that we are in a romantic, monogamous commitment. Saying "friend" implies that we don't love each other. The last time I checked, I'm not buying my friends bouquets of roses, cuddling with them during scary movies, or kissing them goodnight.

3. "So, who's the catcher and who's the pitcher?"

Sorry, we don't play baseball.

4. "Who is the lucky girl?"

Guy.*

Around Valentine's Day, I went to a florist to buy Ryan a floral arrangement, chocolates, and a teddy bear. Pensive and confused, I stood there deliberating if I should get him Milky Ways or Twix (two of his favorites.) An employee came over to me and immediately asked: "Who is the lucky girl?"

For a moment I was stunned. Do I correct her and risk an awkward explanation, or do I just let it slide? I just stayed silent, in fear that if I spoke up, I'd be treated poorly. She continued to say things like: "Girls love roses, you should get her these." "How long have you two been together?" "It's rare that we see guys put in as much effort as you do - you're one of the good ones."

Side note: I'm flattered, really, that this woman was so interested in my love life. However, this made me feel shitty because I was pushed right back into the closet.

5. "So who's the boy and who's the girl?"

Neither. We're both the boy. That's the point.

6. Not being able to hold hands in public.

One day, we were holding hands, walking down the side of the road, when a truck started honking at us. From that moment on, I've been skeptical of holding Ryan's hand in public. If we are holding hands and I see someone approaching, I immediately pull away. I'm afraid to act like a couple.

I envy heterosexual couples. They hold hands, they hug, they even get away with passionately tonguing each other and no one bats an eyelash. I would love nothing more than for us to be able to show affection in public.

7. The dirty looks we get when we go out to dinner.

It's always the middle-aged men sitting across from us in a restaurant that gives us the dirtiest looks as if we are ruining their dinner.

Sorry that our existence makes you unable to enjoy beef tenderloin, sir!

8. "I like you guys! You're not the flaming kinda gays."

Yay, I'm so glad you determine who you like based on their level of femininity.

9. We are limited from doing things straight people enjoy.

A good example is when Ryan and I went to a frat party back in November. We were just dancing and having a good time, like everyone else. When we became more aware of our surroundings, we felt a festering animosity. You could've cut the tension in the room with a knife. The sentiment was 'who invited the gay kids?' We felt outcasted and unwelcomed.

That was the last frat party we went to as a couple.

10. "I don't care what everyone else thinks, I support you guys. I think it's really cool that you guys are gay and all."

At the same frat party, some guy - clearly obliterated - came up to us to let us know that we have his permission to be gay and be in a relationship. WOW, what did we do to deserve this HONOR?

Side note: the guy probably had good intentions. I don't mean to be too shady. The issue with this situation is that it puts us on the spot and singles us out. It also makes us feel like we need to be granted permission to exist.

11. "How do you know you don't like it if you haven't tried it?"

I know I dislike the taste of gasoline without drinking it?

12. "OMG! It sucks that you guys are gay - they're always the hot ones."

So, what you're trying to tell me is that OUR sexuality is inconveniencing YOU? You have some nerve! Yes, it does suck that we're gay. Between the blatant homophobia, exclusion, and violence our people face, I'd say "suck" doesn't even describe the half of it. But, the main concern for these women is that they don't have access to our bodies. This statement is objectifying, insensitive and you sound like an a**hole.

Thanks for calling me hot, though.

13. The whispering behind our backs.

WE CAN HEAR YOU!

If I took a shot for how many times I've heard people snickering behind my back, I'd be sh*t-faced.

14. We get treated like puppies.

Trust me, I'm the biggest attention wh*re there is. However, treating us like playthings, accessories, or things for you to gawk at is not welcomed. We're people, not puppies.

15. Family members invalidating/not acknowledging our relationship.

This ties into number 2.

Worse than referring to us as "friends," this example delves further into us being treated as less-than. This includes not being invited to family gatherings, being excluded from conversations, and ignoring the "elephant in the room."

16. Being afraid of our well-being.

Like any mother would, my mom always tells me to be safe whenever I go out. This is not a mindless ritual, however. When my mom tells me to be safe, it's wrapped in fear. Fear that, because of who we are, we will be targeted.

When we are walking in public, we pay close attention to our surroundings. Peripheral vision is our best friend. We are constantly scanning our environment. 'Are we safe here?' Whether it's walking down the street, at a party, or simply sitting next to each other at the movies, there is never a time that we go out that we are not anxious as to what could happen.

Ultimately, we want queer couples to be normalized. We want to have the same treatment and experiences as straight couples.

*Co-Authored by Ryan VanCoughnett*