If you are looking for a great place to take any children, family, or friends, I caution you to stay away from Orcas Island. The reasons below should be convincing enough for you to know better than to go.

1. It's not that pretty.

It's quiet and peaceful and serene. Who in their right mind would want that?

2. There's this bakery, and it's just "eh."

Nobody these days likes flaky croissants, muffins that taste like heaven, or cute bakery names like Brown Bear Bakery.

3. There's nothing to do.

There is no such thing as biking on Orcas Island. Go find yourself a stationary bike.

4. The people are just "friendly."

They are constantly smiling and wanting to help you if needed, there is room for improvement.

5. You have to take a ferry to get there.

Ugh, who likes a unique form of transportation that you don't get to use every day that runs through the absolutely gorgeous San Juan Islands? I don't know a soul that does.

6. There really isn't anything to do.

Why take your kids to a lake where they can have fun in the great outdoors when there are TV shows that you have recorded on your DVR? The outdoors is so overrated.

7. The views are just sub-par.

It doesn't matter where you are on the island, it's not all that special. Eh, I've seen better. (Is that me and my cousin enjoying a beautiful afternoon in the water? Of course not. That would be ridiculous.)

8. There is little to no uniqueness or originality.

You take weird photos like this with your mom. So last year.

9. I would want to jump off a bridge too if someone made me come here.

10. Hiking? That's not a thing.

Who does that? (That just may be me in the photo, but who really knows?)

11. Wildlife? Probably not.

12. Yes, it's called Orcas Island, but just because it's called that, it doesn't mean that you'll get to see Orcas.

While you're on that lame ferry ride, you just might happen to look out your window and see a baby Orca enjoying the afternoon.

13. You can't kayak anywhere.

Well, that looks awful.

14. Don't even think about going crabbing.

Just don't.

15. If you go at the Fourth of July, be prepared to be disappointed.

The fireworks blind you. Bring sunglasses.

16. The mayor is an animal.

Meet Jack. Jack was known as the "blind visionary" for the island and just stepped down from the position as Granny, the oldest killer whale, coming in at a whopping 103 years old and leader of J-Pod, was elected this past summer. (I may have voted for both of them, but then again, it's lame, so why would anyone want to do that?) It is $1 per vote and all the money goes to benefiting the Children's House. Ugh, good people, doing good things.

So if you have learned anything in this, it's that Orcas Island is not a place you want to go to. You are better off just staying home on your couch and doing nothing.

And no, this is not a photo of me having fun on Orcas Island.