With the school year coming and summer closing, tweets and online posts all contain the common theme: I do not want summer to end. Which is ridiculous, because summer is the worst of the four seasons. Spring gives new life, warm weather, and fruits. Winter brings snow and ice, which means leggings and sweaters and hot chocolates every day. Fall is the best because you get to try to fix whatever you messed up last year, because you did, obviously. But summer? Not a fan. Here are 16 reasons why I am far too happy to say goodbye to beaches and hello to books.
1. I Can Stop Kidding Myself That a “Bikini Body” is Happening
Recommended for you
Listen, I’m all on board for everyone loving their body. Everybody is beautiful, but it’s damn difficult to feel confident in a string bikini when I know in my heart that I ate one pizza slice too many. I’m not immune to the temptation of cheese covered snacks, and I’m certainly not about to sit inside all day and risk losing this fantastic tan I’ve been working on for three months. With summer gone, I’ve got one more excuse to buy those pizza slices and keep my body covered, just the way I like it.
2. It’s Hot as Hell Every Day
Oh. Jesus. Christ. It seems like every day the tempter goes up a peg. I think it’s only rained twice this summer, and those days were just as sticky and hot as the rest of them. Sweating isn’t cute, panting isn’t cute, and splashing any cold liquid down your throat or on your person is definitely not cute. Once summer is gone for good, I can revel in my comfortable clothes and brisk weather. Me in the winter is hotter than temperature in the summer, that’s a fact.
3. I’m Now Forced to Get My Life Together
Let’s call summer what it is, a three month long procrastination period for life. I have books I need to read. Essays I need to write. People I should probably speak to at some point. But it’s summer! I’m too hot and too happy to care too much. With the end of the season around the corner, I need to kick myself into high gear. Stop messing around and get my life back on the right track. I’ve been watching way too many reruns of How I Met Your Mother that I forgot I know the ending. Getting up and getting back is a blessing in disguise, I swear.
4. Sweaters! Leggings! Clothes I actually like
I hate summer clothes. Loathe them in their purest form. Nothing looks that good on you in the summer. Everything kind of looks like it came from the same H&M mall store somewhere. If you’re a girl, you might have rocked the printed shorts and white tank top, a sundress with brown sandals, or the classic crop-top-high-waisted-boys-love-to-hate combo. And guys? You have mastered the baseball hat, tank top, swim trunks as shorts look. Bonus points if you constantly carried around a backpack, have pastel colored shorts, and/or slid aviators on your face every day, maybe even every night. But fall clothes? Those are the clothes you see in magazines and runways. Leggings and jeans paired with shirts, scarves, jackets and more. Summer is fun, but winter always brings a much classier vibe.
4. Boob Sweat
This one is a little gender specific, but I think it speaks for itself.
5. Sweating in General
Is there anything grosser than feeling yourself sweat? It starts in your armpits, sure. Uncomfortable, you start looking for AC or a fan. You’re sweating from your hair now, and a sweat-stache emerges. Things are looking bleak for you. The back of your neck, your palms, everything on you is sweaty and gross and this is not the summer you imagined. Unless you’re somewhere warm year round, this problem leaves as soon as the thermostat drops. Please, though, continue to wear deodorant.
6. People Can Stop Saying “I’m Literally About to Get Heatstroke”
Or “It’s 1000 degrees”. Or “You can fry an egg on the sidewalk”. Or “it’s hot as hell!”. I’ve said all of these, and I hate myself a little for it. Please let these saying go. Please. I’ll probably bring this same complaint up in a month or two, but then it will be Christmas and I’ll be fine.
7. There’s No Good, Fun Summer Holidays
No, Fourth of July doesn’t count. A holiday that’s the main seller is eating hot dogs and burgers with a bunch of neighbors and/or weird family relatives? Count me out. Sure, there’s the excuse to get wasted, jump in the pool and blow some stuff up, but isn’t that really every day in America? That’s real freedom. Birthdays don’t count, and what else is there, Labor Day? Please. I’ll take every Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas, Chanukah and even Valentine’s Day if we can get through this summer.
8. Girls Who Look Better than Me in a Bikini Can Stop
We get it. You spent more time at the gym than I did. You drink more green tea than I ever will. You probably genuinely enjoy a yogurt for breakfast every day, and more to you, really. However, I support your lifestyle and the choices I’m too weak to make, but looking at you and then looking at me is embarrassing. Sincerely— A gym membership that never got used.
9. Boys Who Hit on Me While I’m Wearing a Bikini Can Stop
It’s rare, I’ll admit, but it does still happen when the planets align and I’m feeling fine as hell. But a bikini? Hey, want to see me walk around in my bra and underwear? Well good news, a bikini will cover even less of that! Don’t look at my boobs. I know they’re fun and exciting, but they’re not here for you and I’m not here for you so please don’t catcall me on the Ocean City boardwalk and I’ll pretend the Vineyard Vines snapback or whatever it is the teens are sporting these days is a very good look.
10. Tan lines Fade into a Comfortable Shade of Pale
Ah, tan lines. Visible proof that yes, you did step away from Netflix sometimes during the summer. These little trophies (or demons, depending on your views) are the final tattoo on your summer experience. Eventually though, these tans fade, and with them, we all morph back into that scholastic pale that comes from harsh winters or days in a library. Paleness, unifying students since the dawn of academia.
11. Sunglasses are Now a Style Choice and Not a Necessity
Ever worried about permanently etching the shape of your paleness around your eyes? Can’t walk outside without becoming temporarily blinded by nature? Don’t worry! That’s the sun! With summer coming to an end, days get shorter, and thus, the need for sunglasses decreases. Wearing your sunshades into the dusk is a choice you get to make, not a requirement to see. Congrats!
12. My Life is Not a Never-Ending Quest for AC
“We’re running out of time, we’re not gonna make it!” No, this is not a Liam Neeson movie, a surgery, or even you getting out the door a little too late before work. This is summer, hot as the seventh layer. Every moment is spent in air conditioning or wishing you were in air conditioning. With winter coming, that quest turns into a quest for heat. Bonus points: you never want human touch in the summer, because ew gross. In the fall? Every needs to stay warm. Excuses to hug are now appropriate.
13. The Windows vs. AC Debate Can End
You’re driving. In all logical senses, you should control the air ventilation, but no one follows that rule. So, in response, everyone will just argue about the pros and cons of this lifelong debate. IS someone wearing their hair down? What’s the humidity? How fast is the car moving? How long does the air conditioning take to kick in and does it work everywhere in the car? With fall coming, the answer is neither. Roll the windows up and give me a blanket, I’ll be damned if I’m even going out anywhere.
14. Your Parents Friends Will Stop Asking Questions
Or start, depending on your age. All you collegiate out there, this one goes to you. No more asking if you’re excited to move in, who you’re rooming with, if you bought textbooks and other excruciating small talk. Pack your bags and ship off, Nancy Next Door and Brian From Mom’s Office can’t follow you to the dorms.
15. You Can See Your Friends!
A moment of silence for all the “Let’s hang out this summer” promises that went ignored. You are the real MVP’s, keeping us optimistic during the past 3 months. Every time my phone buzzed, I had a fleeting hope it would be you, summer hangout, but rarely it was. I get it. People go on vacation, visit family, and do other things that don’t involve me. Still, I hoped. Luckily as soon as fall returns, you will too. Nothing makes school better than mutual complaining with friends, so cheers.
16. Summer Will Never Be as Exciting as You Want It
There it is. That’s the truth. I’m sure there're exceptions, but no summer has ever been filled with as many fun times as you had hoped in June. Autumn, though? That’s where the fun begins.
So, farewell summer. It’s been sweaty, gross, underwhelming, but very real.
