1. "I'm gonna stay home and do work all weekend."

But you'll find any reason to avoid homework at all costs.

2."I'll go to bed early so I can get enough sleep."

Nothing will ever put you to sleep again and sleep deprivation will no longer be a surprise to you.

3. "It's fine, I'll work out tomorrow."

But you won't and you'll keep pushing it back over and over again.

4. "It'll be an early night."

But then again, it won't and the earliest you'll get home is 4am.

5. "Oh, I'll just have one drink..."

Of course you will, and another one for the people that actually aren't drinking that night.

6."Diet starts tomorrow!"

"

And you really try your best to eat salad, but cheat day is every day.

7. "I'll start my homework after this episode."

But what you'll really do is watch an entire season of Orange is the New Black and set an entire new world record.

8. "Laundry won't take that long."

It will take you forever because you'll end up washing clothes you didn't even remember you owned or all the machines are being used and there's always that one person who takes a lifetime to pick up their laundry when it's ready.

9. "I'll just eat at the dining hall every day."

And then you realize you're no longer physically capable of doing that.

10. "This will be the last time I spend so much money!"

And the irony of it all is that your making it rain on textbooks.

11. "Freshmen 15 is not a thing, I'm good!"

But the before and after pictures of first semester will reveal the truth about yourself.

12. "I'll never go out again..."

And then you'll say the same thing the week after that.

13. "I'll write this paper the night before, it won't take more than a few hours."

And no matter how hard you try, that 15 page philosophy paper will take more than 24 hours to write.

14."I'm gonna make my bed everyday."

You won't because you'd rather use that time to do 100 pages of reading due the next day.

15. "I won't miss any class this semester."

Time is glorious, so skip that class if you can.

16."Last cup of coffee, I promise."

Every time you try, you get coffee withdrawals and we all know drinking it is the only way to get work done.