As my sixth year of co-teaching religion is coming to an end and communion is approaching, I have learned a lot from my 16 students this year.
Here are the most important lesson they taught me that show children are wiser beyond their years:
You are not alone.
This is for the girls who have dealt with an emotionally, mentally, physically or verbally abusive father.
The ones who have grown up with a false lens of what love is and how relationships should be. The ones who have cried themselves to sleep wondering why he hurts you and your family so much. This is for all the girls who fall in love with broken boys that carry baggage bigger than their own, thinking it's their job to heal them because you watched your mother do the same.
This is for the girls who swear to the heavens they are done with men and wouldn't dare consider marriage in fear of themselves and their future children being stuck like they once were — the ones with such rage and anger burning inside of them from years of tolerating the abuse and the ones who have shut themselves off emotionally. And especially to the ones whose hearts long for a father to love them the way it's described in stories and fairytales.
Why should we have to be labeled from the damage at the hands of a man who promised to love and protect us?
Your "Daddy Issues" do not define you. They do not define me.
The anger that burns inside of you that wasn't always there does not define you. It does not define me.
The love we lacked and sought time and time again through empty promises of change does not define you. It does not define me.
I am not going to be a hypocrite and make this letter about positivity and hope for the future and all of that good fluffy stuff because that's all we've ever known. "Act normal"... What is normal for a normal person in a normal household with a normal father? Is there such a thing? Are their families that don't walk on eggshells? "Don't start him up," "Don't roll your eyes," "He's in a good mood so don't mess up the day for us"... These sentences have become second nature to me... Have become part of my identity.
I walk on eggshells, have anger in my heart, and a brain that's trying to understand that the way he acts has nothing to do with me, but his childhood traumas. Part of me is uninterested in marriage and the idea of things being fluffy and sweet, only to turn sour after you walk down the aisle.
I want to love and be loved, but I know I can't do that until I fix myself. I want to heal but moving forward and still living here doesn't help. I want to be forgiving, but I don't know how...
To those who are going through the same thing... You are not alone. I am not alone.
"DESTINY IS FOR LOSERS. IT'S JUST A STUPID EXCUSE TO WAIT FOR THINGS TO HAPPEN INSTEAD OF MAKING THEM HAPPEN." - BLAIR WALDORF.
The world stopped in 2012 when our beloved show "Gossip Girl" ended. For six straight years, we would all tune in every Monday at 9:00 p.m. to see Upper Eastside royalty in the form of a Burberry headband clad Blair Waldorf. Blair was the big sister that we all loved to hate. How could we ever forget the epic showdowns between her and her frenemy Serena Van Der Woodsen? Or the time she banished Georgina Sparks to a Christian summer camp? How about that time when she and her girls took down Bart Bass? Blair is life. She's taught us how to dress, how to be ambitious, and most importantly, how to throw the perfect shade.
It's no secret that Blair is a fashionista. From her fabulous headbands that coincidentally go with her every outfit to her in season Tory Burch Flats (because we don't do last season's Tory Burch flats), Blair captivated us with her stunning style every Monday. Being the offspring of the hottest designer on the Upper Eastside and best friends with the "it girl" (debatable) Serena Van Der Woodsen, Blair always had to stay on her toes. Through her fashion, she taught us that no matter what you are going through, you must not look like your struggle. Always be fabulous.
BLUCK or CHAIR? I think we'll just go with the hottest couple on the Upper Eastside as a nickname for these two. This relationship that's shrouded in scandal grew from an illicit affair in a limo...need I say more? Throughout all of the scandals, triumphs, losses and suitors in between, these two have managed to stay ahead of the game and become THE face of Manhattan. How inspirational!
Blair is an icon. A global one at that. She taught us how to color coordinate with with accessories & Dior bags, how to scheme our way out of uncomfortable situations and to never settle for less. We all cringed when she single-handedly sent Georgina Sparks away to a Christian boot camp when she was harassing her bestie, Serena. We laughed when she banished that poor freshman from the Met steps because she was wearing "last season's Tory Burch shoes." We cried when she professed her love for Chuck millions and millions of time during the show. We love you and miss you, Blair. Thank you for teaching us that it's okay to be a total bitch.
We've all been there. From move-in day to the first finals week in college, your first term is an adventure from start to finish. In honor of college decisions coming out recently, I want to recap some of the most common experiences college freshmen experience.
You're moving your stuff onto your floor, and you will encounter people you don't know yet in the hallway. They live on your floor, so you'll awkwardly smile and maybe introduce yourself. As you walk away, you will wonder if they will ever speak to you again, but don't worry, there's a good chance that you will make some great friends on your floor!
There are plenty of awkward conversations, because of course, you have to figure out how to not get on each other's last nerves, but since you are living together, it is very easy to get along and hang out constantly. However, make sure you get of your room and make other friends too.
You will get up for your first class, and while you may be nervous, you will be excited too, because all your life people and movies have told you that college is different. The classes are different, and you will feel ready for anything that first day of class can throw your way.
Everyone warns you about the dining hall, so of course, you are wary to try it for the first time, but plot twist: it tastes good. You are so relieved because your college defies the norm of bad dining hall food -- for now.
It's pretty common knowledge that college dorms and buildings are not exactly pristine, so even if you aren't looking for it, you will find some damage. Hopefully, it isn't in your dorm room though.
There will come a time when you will not want to go to class, and whether it is because of the time of the class or the content of the class or whatever, the truth is that at some point you will skip a class. This is college, so it isn't big deal to miss class, but you will need to make sure that you stay on top of the content, even if you don't go.
Whenever someone tells you something or you have to explain something, there will come a point when you just say, "college," as your explanation, because really, that's all it comes down to. You will change, because that's what college does to you: it pushes you to grow and mature.
Honestly, if you make it more than a month without getting sick of the dining hall food, I will be impressed, because seriously, no matter where you go, the food will get to you at some point. When you are unable to consume dining hall food, you will turn to food trucks, take-out, and, most importantly, free food.
Let's face it, you will have less privacy, and even if you are good friends with your roommate, there will come a moment when you are just too annoyed to deal with them. The important thing is to talk it out, so that you can move past it and continue to be good roommates.
When everything seems a little confusing and impossible to figure out, you will feel like everyone else is able to figure their lives out, but here's the truth: most of us are in the same boat. Don't assume that people's lives are perfect because it's quite likely that they think you have everything figured out too.
The first set of finals in college can be a daunting task, and you will wonder how to study properly, because you probably didn't study properly in high school. It will be difficult, but the key is really using your time wisely and making study groups.
So, at the end of the day, to my fellow freshmen out there, we will make it through our first year. So, congrats! And, yes, we probably have had moments like this:
Or, even like this:
But, hey, we made it. We faced the awkward, the scary, the annoying, and the sleep-depriving, and soon we will have finished our first year of college. We seriously done good, and I'm proud of us.
As for my high school seniors out there that are reading this, some of these moments may seem terrible, but I swear, it's all worth it. College is a journey, and at least now you can say:
Yes, you will have more responsibility, but it's good. So good luck with your decisions, and don't fret too much, because at the end of the day, you'll end up at a college that is great for you.
The college years are a time for personal growth and success. Everyone comes in with expectations about how their life is supposed to turn out and envision the future. We all freak out when things don't go exactly as planned or when our expectations are unmet. As time goes on, we realize that the uncertainty of college is what makes it great. Here are some helpful reminders about life in college.
1. Time management is the key to success.
2. Don't leave homework for the night before it's due.
3. Create a relationship with your professors, especially those who teach the classes within your major.
4. Take advantage of school sponsored programs.
5. Go to events on campus.
6. Keep an open mind.
7. Study hard, even when you don't want to.
8. Go to the library.
9. Don't stress yourself out to the point where you can't have any fun.
10. Remember that one bad test grade doesn't define you.
11. Don't let people's opinions define you.
12. Go to sporting events, even if you don't like sports.
13. Stay in touch with your friends from home.
14. You don't have to go out every single weekend.
15. Actually, you don't have to go out at all.
16. Stay true to who you are; don't change for anyone.
17. You won't stay friends with everyone, but your true friends will stay with you forever.
18. Call your parents often.
19. Never give up.
20. Take risks and live in the moment.
21. These are the most important and fun years of your life. Smile, stay positive, and enjoy every aspect of it.
You only get four years of college, enjoy it because one day you are going to be sad it is over.
