Throughout high school, I watched as my friends went out with guys who broke their hearts. Many of them were insecure and stayed in unhealthy relationships because they felt that they did not deserve any better. They lowered their standards because they were afraid nobody else would accept them as they were and lost precious things in that process. Setting high standards for the guys I date has been one of the best decisions I have made.
For those of you who may not know how to tell if a guy will treat you right or not, here are the traits I look for that point towards someone who will treat you right:
1. Eloquence
He doesn’t need to be Shakespeare, but swearing every other word gives off the impression that he is unmotivated, gross, and frankly, kind of boring.
2. Honesty
Dishonesty leads to massive relationship problems. In reality, nobody wants a dramatic TV relationship where two people constantly lie and hide things from each other. It is painful and unhealthy.
3. Security
Everyone has a certain level of insecurity, that’s a given. However, I personally do not want a clingy guy who needs to watch my every move. Any successful relationship requires mutual trust that the other partner will remain loyal. Annoying clingy-ness can ensure disloyalty in any relationship.
4. Fun-loving
I need someone who can relax in the midst of stress and chaos. Someone who can find ways to have fun that do not include constant partying, that is.
5. Sobriety/Lucidity
There is nothing wrong with an occasional drink, but if partying and getting drunk/high is the only way he can have fun, that is a complete deal breaker. Drug abuse points toward some inner conflicts that I cannot solve and it just grosses me out.
6. Stability
We all have our issues no doubt, and I love helping people in any way possible, but working through issues is a double-sided effort. It is not my job to “fix” him just as it is not his job to “fix” me. That burden is too much for anyone else to bear, especially since nobody’s perfect.
7. Abstinence
Personally, I am waiting for marriage. Any guy who dates me must be okay with that.
8. Hard Working
Someone who knows how to work hard in school or work will know how to work hard in a relationship.
9. Christ-loving
God has to be the center of his life. Everything else falls into place after that.
10. Confidence
He must be able to stand up for what he believes in and secure in who he is. Also, he should have the courage to ask me out in person.
11. Humility
He should not be arrogant, however. It is definitely a line that most of us have a hard time balancing. If he is not at all nervous when trying to ask me out for the first time, it gives off the impression that he does not really care about pursuing me.
12. Flexibility
Life happens. Sometimes plans do not work out the way they should, but that is okay. Things have a way of working out in the end anyways.
13. Positivity
I hold this standard for friends too. Occasional complaining is fine, but if negative comments or complaints are all that come out of someone’s mouth, that person drags down the mood of everyone around them. Positivity also adds fun to a relationship.
14. Respect
Seriously. It is not that hard to respect the people around you. Any guy who disrespects authority figures, especially his parents, will not treat you with the respect you deserve. Respect yourself enough to be respected.
15. Devotion
That “on-and-off” couple cliché does not work for me. Do not get back together with a guy who cheats on you, especially if he has cheated on you multiple times. Any guy I’m with should have eyes for me only, in the romantic sense.
16. Selflessness
A guy who is good with kids, helps older people with their groceries in the parking lot, lends out notes to the kid who missed class, etc. is worth even just hanging out with. If he cares about random people that much, how much more is he going to care about you?
I completely understand that everyone (including myself) has flaws and it is impossible to be completely perfect. This is also a list of things that I aspire to be in a relationship, so the standard goes both ways. I don’t expect perfection, I just want to have someone who is willing to work through any issues that come up.
As impossible as it seems, there are so many respectful guys out there who will treat you like a queen. Lowering your standards only sets you up for frustration and more heartbreak. You just have to love yourself enough to give them a chance. You are worth so much more than your relationship status. Keep your standards high, girls!
