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16 Stages Every New Fish Mom Goes Through Before Realizing Fish Don't Count As Pets

It's hard to connect with an animal that dies within the first three months.

Kelsey Dietrich

Jan 20, 2020

Bowling Green State University

476

16 Stages Every New Fish Mom Goes Through Before Realizing Fish Don't Count As Pets

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1. I really want a fish!

The initial thought...

2. Wow, there are so many beautiful fish to choose from!

The excitement browsing at the pet store...

3. Look at all the cool tank decorations!

The joy that you are filled with as you get to mix and match pebbles, statues, and fake plants to create the coolest environment for your new child...

4. This is it, this is my child!

The surrealness when you finally choose a fish...

5. It's how much?!

The shock when the cashier tells you the total...

6. I guess it will all be worth it. Kids are expensive!

The acceptance...

7. Everything fits so nicely inside!

The pleasure of setting up an aesthetic tank...

8. Why does my fish look like it's swimming into a wind tunnel?

The worry regarding the tank's filter...

9. He's just sitting in the corner.

The digust with reality...

10. All that money for this?

The regret of trying to be a pet mom...

11. So this is all it does?

The disappointment that occurs when the fish doesn't actually swim around the tank all day long...

12. He's dead already...

Just two days later.

13. Repeat items 1-11

I need to get a replacement fish because maybe this one was sick. Plus I need to get at least a little use out of this tank and decorations.

14. The second fish is doing much better!

See, I'm not a horrile mother!

15. Nevermind, the second one's dead too.

He lasted a good three months though. I count that as a win.

16. I'm done with this fish mom thing.

If anyone wants a fish tank and decorations, I've got one.

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For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

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Photo by Seven Shooter on Unsplash

And so it begins.

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16 Stages Every New Fish Mom Goes Through Before Realizing Fish Don't Count As Pets

It's hard to connect with an animal that dies within the first three months.

In This Article:

1. I really want a fish!

2. Wow, there are so many beautiful fish to choose from!

3. Look at all the cool tank decorations!

4. This is it, this is my child!

5. It's how much?!

6. I guess it will all be worth it. Kids are expensive!

7. Everything fits so nicely inside!

8. Why does my fish look like it's swimming into a wind tunnel?

9. He's just sitting in the corner.

10. All that money for this?

11. So this is all it does?

12. He's dead already...

13. Repeat items 1-11

14. The second fish is doing much better!

15. Nevermind, the second one's dead too.

16. I'm done with this fish mom thing.

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Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

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