Having a puppy is hilarious, but it is hard work. Here are a few things that I learned in my first week with my 3 month-old puppy, Alice.

1. You will call yourself mom or dad.

I was not prepared to be "mommy," but I have taken to calling myself that anyway. And you will too.

2. You will be up at all hours.

My dog promptly wakes us up at 1:30 a.m. and then again at 4:45 a.m. Sometimes she goes back to sleep.

3. You will have more toys than you can count.

But not enough for her. Unless you count blankets, couches, pillows, homework, trash cans....you get the point.

4. You will answer the same question a million times.

She's about three months old. Its a girl. Her name is Alice. Yes, she is the cutest dog in the whole wide world.

Don't worry, you only sound annoying to yourself, not everyone asking the questions.

5. Getting anywhere in a timely manner will be impossible.

You will be stopping to say hi to everyone. And smell everything. And look at everything.

6. You will get mad at her.

Even if she's the cutest thing in the whole wide world...its just not enough. Something will make you so mad that you don't even want to look at her. And then she'll do something adorable and melt your heart again.

7. You will have to dog proof your living area.

Towel hanging off the oven door? Thats a chew toy now. Book bag on the ground? Chew toy. Chair? Chew toy. Dogs may be more resilient to hitting corners than toddlers are, but they are also more likely to put anything they find in their mouth.

8. Weird things will scare her

.

The TV. Sliding doors. Whistling. It could really be anything.

9. Forget any privacy or alone time.

Need to shower? The puppy can either go in the cage or you can wait.

10. You can also forget any time off of "mom" duty when with her.

I completely forgive my mom for any time we just had pizza or frozen lasagna for dinner. It is impossible to cook when you start something, then have to go reprimand your puppy. Then wash your hands. And repeat.

11. She will be clumsy.

Her food will be everywhere. She will bang into your coffee table and walls. She will learn how to jump up on the couch...then forget.

12. She will sleep a lot.

But usually not when you want her to.

13. But she will also have super hyper moments.

Usually at those times when you want her to be sleeping.

14. She will learn.

Some things, immediately. Some things, eventually.

15. You will worry about her constantly.

Even if there is nothing to worry about.

16. And you will love her more than anything in the world.

........No matter what she does.