September 11, 2001. I was almost 6 years old. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Something had happened, but they wouldn't tell us what. All the teachers said was that our parents may come pick us up early. Mine didn't, for a good reason. That night I went home my parents were quiet and no one would let me turn on the TV. The energy in the house was off. At six years old, I knew something was wrong.

Obviously, I learned about what happened. I watched planes crash into buildings but I didn't understand. I went to the funeral of the beautiful woman I met three days earlier who they never found, and I still didn't understand. For years, every September 11th, we'd watch those planes crash into those buildings, and I didn't understand. I live in the strongest city in the world and I'll never understand what happened that day.

I don't frequent that part of the city. Honestly it's too hard. I've paid my respects at the memorial and the museum once, and I feel that's enough. The memorial and museum are beautiful and tasteful and respectful, but I still can't go. I can't get anywhere near One World Trade Center without tears welling up in my eyes. For the first few years of watching videos and movies in school, I could handle it. By my senior year of high school, I broke. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't watch anymore planes crash into anymore buildings. I had finally made the connection that a life of someone that was special to my family was in that building that plane was hitting. If there's one thing I value more than anything, it's human life. And every time I watch those planes, I feel angry at the people who don't value it as much as I do.

It's been 15 years, and I'm so scared that nothing has changed(partially because my mom still has the emergency water she bought that year in her bedroom closet). There is still no value for human life, from everyone, not just “terrorists.” Things like what happened at the Pulse Night Club in Orlando or the fact that “Black Lives Matter” even has to be a topic of discussion shows us that nothing has changed. New York City was made stronger as a community after 9/11 and I'm sure Orlando is uniting a little as well. Why do terrible things have to happen for people to come together and respect each other? We all need to exist on the same Earth, might as well get along.

So here's what I'm going to this September 11th. I'm going to appreciate what a strong city I live in. I'm going to pay my respects to those lives lost, but not by watching them die. I'm going to tell those I love that I love them. I'm going to be grateful for the life I lead. And I'm going to stop trying to understand what happened in the past, and help make a better future. I hope you will too.