For some, school has been in session for a few weeks. For others (such as myself), school started this week. And for those on the quarter system, you have a little while longer. No matter what school system you’re on, you’re probably aware that new relationships are just beyond the horizon. That’s right, folks, it’s that time again: time to look for your ring by spring. (Or, if you’re in high school, your first significant other of the year).

I know how it goes. New students are suddenly in this unfamiliar environment with these people they’ve never seen before (who, somehow, are much more attractive than the people at home). Returning students just spent the summer realizing how much they missed a certain someone or they see attractive new students and it’s easy to find excuses to help them. Whatever side you may find yourself on, you’re faced with the same predicament of how to attain and keep that person’s attention. Well, don’t fret. I’m here to help you. Here are 15 foolproof ways to make someone like you.

1. Don’t respect them as individuals. All humans love being disrespected, objectified, and stereotyped.

2. Catcalling works wonders.

3. Act exactly as you do on the internet in all of your troll-ness.

“So, Dat Boi trumps Pepe, amiright?”

4. Have no friends so you can be with them at all times.

OR

5. Have a lot of friends so you can play hard to get.

6. Talk about yourself the entire time. You just want them to get to know you, the real you.

Oversharing isn’t real and why would you ask about their life? You know all about it if you...

7. Follow them on Twitter and Instagram and add them on Snapchat and Facebook.

This is especially effective when you haven’t actually talked yet or they haven’t told you their name. It shows how dedicated you are.

8. Then, stalk them on social media so you know exactly what they like.

9. Don’t have your own opinion.

People love mindless followers (after all, the person you like probably loves Instagram)

OR

10. Be an extremist. Especially one who posts unsolicited, ignorant opinions on every social media possible.

This will reveal your passion and everyone knows that passion for something is attractive.

11. Be on your phone at all times when hanging out with them.

It shows that you're popular because people are always wanting to be in contact with you. Of course it doesn't make it look like you're bored or uninterested.

12. Treat your relationships like a game.

No, of course those aren’t real people with real feelings that you’re affecting.

13. Be selfish.

Only care about yourself and whether you’re happy in the relationship or not. Forget that this is a two-way street

14. Lie.

If you lie well, they’ll never be able to find anything wrong with you and then they’ll HAVE to date you.

15. Create a shrine for them at your house which consists of the wrapper of the gum they gave to you, a lock of their hair, and the pencil you borrowed from them last week.

#YandereSimulator

I'm not actually sure how this is supposed to help you unless you know some black magic, but does it not make you feel better to have everything in one place?

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Okay, in the end, you can’t make someone like you. We all know that. However, if you do the opposite of these points, it will certainly improve your chances that they might. Of course, if everything I’ve listed is the real you, then by all means, be yourself.