My reaction When People Say They Haven't Been Watching "The Bachelor:"
Just kidding! So, not everyone's a fan of "The Bachelor" for many understandable reasons. I know, I know. How can a self respecting, somewhat feministic girl watch this reality show garbage? For the same reason people are devoted to soaps: for the drama and an escape from reality. It's nice to lay in bed and laugh at that girl in the dolphin suit, or, if you've been watching: CORINNE! Corinne is a paradox as she is both the best thing about this show and the worst thing. I mean, without Corinne the show would be so boring. Could she be the best villain ever? Well whether it's scripted or not, Corinne gives us the best moments so, as a tribute to the girl everyone loves to hate, here's what a night out is like, according to Corinne...
1. When you realize tonight is the night you were supposed to go out...
2. Your friends are wondering where you are, what happened to you?!
3. You quickly and sincerely apologize for forgetting about tonight, explaining that- "Michael Jordan took naps. Abraham Lincoln took naps."- Corinne
although you might forget where to put your food...
or what food even is...
but when your nanny isn't around, what what's a girl supposed to do?
Argh! Just thinking about cheese pasta has you going-
5. You check the mirror real quick on the way out to make sure you're looking hot and ready (like your cheese pasta) and then off you go!
6. You get out on the dance floor as fast as you can, ready to dance your problems away... (you do have so many stressful problems, like your bed isn't made and cucumbers aren't sliced because your nanny is away)
You might not be good, but- "I don't do well in dancing; I have very bad short-term memory."-Corinne
7. When you're approached by THE worst guy here...
9. You tell him a little about yourself, all he needs to know about you, really...
He needs to know that it takes a while to really know you, but it's worth it-"I'm a corn husk; you gotta pull all the layers back. And in the middle is this luxury, yellow corn. With all these pellets of information. And it's juicy, and buttery. You want to get to that corn."- Corinne
10. The two of you have a moment and you realize he might be THE one
sparks are flying...
it's like it's meant to be...
11. All you can think is...
12. UNTIL, this other girl interrupts... sure it's fine, what is it, Taylor?
You're watching them from the corner, not believing any of this like...
you can't believe this bully, this swamp monster and you know that-
Like, you just can't even
13. You know all's fair in love and war but this is ridiculous because you belong together...
it's gonna be rough...
you let out your frustrations now...
but you know he made a mistake because...
14. But you go back there because you deserve this and he IS yours...
you interrupt... It's hard but you do it anyways... "I had to do some big-girl stuff. I don't like it."-Corinne
she doesn't take it well but probably because she's not emotionally intelligent...
and the mean swamp monster runs away!
15. But at the end of the night you go back to your friends because all you want is...
If you're wanting more of Corinne, then tune in to ABC on Mondays at 7! "Make America Corinne again!"-Corinne
And now I'm gonna take page from our favorite villain:
